I am feeling growing resentment toward relatives and non relaitves who are healthy or at least healthier than me. It's not their fault after all. Note - I've accepted my illness.
Recently I finished up a two week course of prednisone which really didn't do much to help. The neuropathy has now spread to below my stomach and now includes my hands and arms. The pain is intense and constant. I'm already on Cymbalta, Lyrica and tramadal for it.
As soon as I seem to be making progress, I am pushed to do something in the afternoon that I do not want to do and bam everything gets worse.
Really tired of going to bed around 6 to 8 PM. Looks like tonight will be the same. But what can one do.
(((Lighthouse)))
I don't have any suggestions about how to deal with your growing resentment toward relatives and non-relative healthy people - but, just wanted to say, I'm sorry you are having so much intense and constant pain. >:(
At times, it just doesn't "seem fair" that we got dealt the hand we received. I'm sure others with diseases feel the same way. When I am feeling a bit blue thinking of the things I can't do any more because of Sjogren's, I think of the children at St. Jude - those brave boys and girls who are dealing with cancer at such a young age. Breaks my heart - they certainly didn't ask for the hand that was dealt them.
Sending you a hug Lighthouse . . . sorry, that's the best I can do.
Bucky
Oh, Lighthouse!
Constant pain, fatigue and disability create so many terrible feelings.
Who pushes you to do things you don't want to do?
My husband does that sometimes, and I overdo out of guilt and just to shut him up.
It never works and I always pay the price.
I'm learning to say no no no. And to refuse to be pushed. But it IS so hard.
And part of me WANTS to try to do things, hoping I won't have the "BAM everything gets worse" experience this time around.
But I have to listen to my body.
Right now my knee, which had surgery in April, is almost as bad as before the surgery. I'm so afraid that I've torn more of the meniscus, OR that I have bone on bone where the meniscus is gone. I know I over did it when we were unpacking 5 weeks AFTER the surgery, because my husband was pushing me and angry i wasn't doing more.
Talk about resentment!!!!!!!!
Oh, well, the physical parts are terrible, but I swear the emotional parts are sometimes the hardest.
Keep us posted.
Kisses
Elaine
Carolina,
I should have phrased that differently, it's not that I don't want to do the things, it's that I want to do them in the morning so that I can nap in the afternoon. But everybody keeps scheduling events in the afternoon. Every time I don't get down and nap in the afternoon I pay the price with increased pain and an early night in bed.
I am sorry your knee is giving you trouble.
Bucky,
you are so right, there are people out there worse than us. I love reading the encouraging and upbeat stories in the Reader's Digest. It's one of my favorite magazines.
I am also resentful and I try not to let bitterness or that "woe is me" feeling get the best of me. I also push myself too hard. I am on the fence right now about taking a full-time position back again as a high school teacher. I remind myself that I left the profession six years ago because I couldn't keep up with the workload and the stress was killing me. But the prospect of more money is very appealing-- and even though my husband knows how sick I am, I can tell he really wants me to take it. I might if I could get an hour to lie down AND planning time! i make a decision next week. ???
It is hard when people look at us like they would look at themselves-- "But you don't look sick." "Maybe if you just got out more." "Have you thought about exercising?" "My neighbor was tired and took vitamin D. Have you tried that?"
I just don't bother explaining anymore. I still feel guilty bailing out of parties, and committee meetings, and all the numerous obligations that I used to force myself to make it through. The problem is that the weekends don't even recharge me anymore and yes--lighthouse, I go to bed at 8:00 too. I haven't watched a TV program in forever. I find more in common with my in-laws who are 85 yrs old than my friends.
Hi, I also have constant pain and fatigue and work a full time job even when I feel awful because I push myself to do so. Sometimes at work I am so fatigued that I want to die but I put on a happy face and take care of my sick patients anyway. Feeling sad and dissapointed that you are not healthy is ok, resenting someone else because they have health is just wrong. You should be happy that they have health. Their having health has nothing to do with you being ill. Life is not fair. Try to focus on what you can do with your life with what you are given, not what others have. Envy or jealousy does not make this better, only makes us bitter. Lesley
I wouldn't resent other people being healthy however I really would start resenting them otherwise if I had explained my situation but they kept scheduling things right when I was the most fatigued anyway. I guess if it were me I would go right ahead and take the nap. Hopefully then people will miss you and will make an effort to do things at a better time for you. Maybe they will also notice how improved you are when you do get to rest. I know there is give and take and things can't always go according to one persons schedule but I would sit things out on those days when you really aren't up to it. If you are rested you will probably find you aren't so resentful. I know how it can feel to be so worn down with other people who can't imagine how you feel pushing you to be busy, its hard not to get frustrated. Take care,
Kerrikins
You know, it really isn't fair to feel resentment towards the healthy people in our lives. Reason being, they are not going to get out of this life unscathed. Everyone has their suffering to endure at some point in their life. You may find that the ones you are resentful of end up having much worse problems than you and then you will feel guilty.
Life is what it is. We don't ask for this and being angry does nothing more than raise your blood pressure and make you less accepting of the condition you are in. Also, be aware that when you are angry all the time you set yourself up for being more ill. It is much healthier to accept your lot in life and live your life in such a way that you are able to accomplish some of your goals.
I learned a long time ago that I could no longer do things out of desire or out of guilt. The committees that I used to be on no were starting to kill me and I was resenting that big time. I learned that I could not do without my nap or rest period in the afternoon. Sooo, I just didn't do other things that interfered with the lifestyle I needed to remain functional.
We all have to pick and choose our battles and our committments in life. I figured my hubby, kids, part time job and home were my main issues and anything else would have to sit on the wayside to get done. I also learned to pace myself and do things when my energy level is the highest. Mine is lousy ini the morning but much better mid afternoon. I am a basket case about 4 PM and many times have a surge of energy after 8 PM. Makes for an interesting lifestyle, but it is amazing how much more you can accomplish when you feel better. I can get more done in one hour in the evening than I can all day sometimes.
I also want to mention that when we feel anger and resentful in relation to our illness it is picked up on by our family, friends and the doctors we see. Our attitude can really be lousy and make us hard to get along with. Better to have acceptance and have a more peaceful countenance. Irish ;D
1. Read 'Spoon Theory': http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
2. Love yourself.
3. JUST SAY NO.
What I would add to gphx is that you work on grief and depression as directed in "Feeling Good" by David Burns.
Quote from: lighthouse33 on November 22, 2010, 01:20:38 PM
Really tired of going to bed around 6 to 8 PM.
That's now my bedtime as well. Has been for a few months now. I lay there but can't sleep. I'm really tired of watching 2 1/2 men reruns. It's a crass show. Can't read because my eyes hurt too much by then. Can't pray because I swear that every time I do, I just get worse.
As for resentment .. I don't resent them being healthy .. I resent them not understanding even after having it explained to them. I shouldn't .. but I do. When they are told that it hurts for me to talk, and yet they come up to me and say 'tell me what is happening with you' ... 'what is going on' .. 'what do you do all day' ... I just want to slap them.
The worst .. a former best friend saying I was exaggerating. If he had been in the room with me when he said it I would have put my fist through his nose.
I resent their ignorance even after having things explained .. but I dont' resent their good health.
I try to keep in mind that I don't know what burdens others carry, even those I know well. Everyone's life is full of challenges.
Don't feel lonely. I'm in bed by 8 as well. People quit bothering to ask me to do anything anymore. Kinda sucks when I think I could muster the energy. Just goes with the territory eventually.
Carolina, I had surgery for my miniscus as well. When it started hurting just as bad a little while after surgery, I called the doc and the only think he had to do was give me this big shot of some kinda of stuff (I forget the name) in that knee. Please call your orthopedic surgeon. You should never ignore pain after surgery.
Hang in there. Try to see your resentment of the healthy folks as a fleeting emotion that you'll get through. I hope that you will, 'cause stay in stuck in that mode will make you unhappy in the long run. It's like when I want to yell at people with small children who are making noise. The truth is, sometimes I just can't deal with a lot of noise when I am tired, but that doesn't really mean that those kids are really misbehaving. Luckily, I haven't yelled yet.
Also see if you can tell family members when your best time to do things is. Also explain that this may change, as this disease changes over time. If it's something like grocery shopping, you can say no, and let others do it. If it's something social that you want to do, explain that you'll come, but that you may have to leave early, or take a rest part way through, because that's a tough time of the day for you.
I spent 3 days with friends this summer and explained that I would some times just have to go and rest. I was dreading this, but they were great about it. I didn't get to do everything I wanted with them, but got to do more than if I hadn't gone.
Best thoughts to you,
You know, we can explain things about our disease until the cows come home and people still won't get it. They are not being stupid or mean. I don't think they have anything to "hang their hat on" so to speak. In other words, if they or any of their close family members haven't had anything like this they have no way of comparing symptoms, not to mention that they don't even have a clue what a symptom is.
I believe that most people don't understand another's suffering until they have suffered themselves. Even after their own suffering they still don't understand others disease processes, but, they understand being ill. It makes them more patient and understanding. They are more apt to accept us and the way we have to live because they know the inconvenience of an illness.
I have a friend who never had a cold until she was about 60 years old. She was never sick!!!! I told her hubby that some day she would die fast because she wouldn't recognize "sick" when it hit her. He agreed with me cause he never feels good. She has no clue about what I tell her. She was surprised big time when I told her about some of the events we went to with them when I was so sick I could hardly stand up or think. She had no clue. I thought I looked like crap and thought that should have been a hint. Maybe I look like crap all the time. :P :P
Anyway, I just give up on explaining things to people. I just tell them that I need more rest than most people. They don't even understand that but who cares. Not my problem. I don't have to understand them I just have to live with the disease. Irish ;D
Lighthouse,
I think learning to refuse being pushed too far has been one of the hardest things I've dealt with. Seems to be common with us!
You say you have accepted your illness. It sounds as if others around you haven't accepted it, or maybe haven't accepted the fact you need rest. I have a family member who had continually pushed me for almost a year. I kept explaining that some days I was ok, some days I wasn't and I knew it was aggrevating to her that I couldn't plan ahead but that's the way it is. I don't like it any better! :(
Eventually, she has become much more understanding.
Are you explaining to people that you want to do things in the morning, so you can nap later? (maybe you already are) Sometimes we really need to say no. Resentment generally comes from anger. Are you angry at them for not understanding, or angry at yourself for giving in to them?
Believe me, this comes from personal experiencee. A couple times I'd think, well now I did more than I wanted because they pushed me and I am hurting. Then I would realize I was the one who made that choice, so it wasn't their fault.
Take care of yourself,
Melinda
Wow, gphx
Just read the "spoon theory" and what a kind but powerful way to explain to others what we go through each day. Thank you so much for sharing!
Hope you have a great weekend,
Melinda
I am sorry for saying this but I am resentfull, I am resentfull that people who are some of most useless people on this earth are in perfect health,, people that are users,, abusers, and d nothing but either spend there life in bars,, DUI;s constantly, are in perfect health at the minute,, I resent people who can jump out of bed,, get dressed and go on that long awaited trip ,, pack up the family and go to that beach,, or that cruise, or that long awaited fishing trip, the one of a lifetime,, Yes I;m resentfull,
I was that person that took the trips,, that coulndt sleep the night before Deer season,, I was that excited,, I would wake the boys up at 3am,, cook them breakfast,, head into the woods,, share in teh enjoyment of seeing my sons kill there first buck,, or when they were younger still, teach them the nuances of presenting a fly so that a trout would take it,, hwo the drift had to look perfectly normal, or the fish knew it was a fake,, how they hooked there first trout on fly poles,, the picture taking,, telling the tale over and over,,
Yes I;m reentfull,, I;m not the husband I once was,, come home from work,, see the wife tired after working all day and just grabbing her and taking her out to dinner,, now I cant open a can of soup,, she had a husband,, she had a man that showed nothng but love for everythig,, a man that would do anything if it looked interesting,, I took her white water rafting,, I took friends from Indiana,, flatland indiana,, I took them white water rafting,, they were scared to death,, but they had the time of there life,, Yes I;m resentfull,, I coulndt sit in a boat wiout falling out of it now,,, thers that old saying,, you dont realize what you lost until you lose it,, I lost it and realize what I lost now,,
My oldest came up to me this morning,, hugged me,, said Dad I love you and I know how hard you strugge,, I hear you sobbing,, I see you wander off to the shed,, I know why,, I know why your in there crying or trying to cry,, but I stil love you,, I know why your not putting lights up this year,, and I wont do it for you,, I know it would break your heart to see someone else doing what you used to do every year wihtout help,, he said,, I see what this has done to you,, I cant make it better,, I dont understnaad it,, but Ilove you,,I was sobbing by the end of that speech,, so you see why I;m resentfull,, when chronic illness falls on a house,, it changes everything,,, it can destroy the fabric of the house,, and I hate readng what the professionals wirte about chronic illness,, like we dont allready know that,, oh,, and I have heard that insanse saying,, when life hands you lemonades,, make lemonade,, this is usually from people who still take the trips,, i;dlike to shove a whole lemon down there throat,, now you make lemonade,, idiots
WOW.. I guess I am not going to win any popularity contest here but geez, there are so many many people so much worse off than we are. I am pretty severe sjogrens. My whole life has changed. I was one of the healthy ones as well. Then I get a call from my girl friend whos son was in a car accident and he is paralized from the neck down and will be in the care of someone forever. Its the old story" I cried becasue I had no shoes until I saw a man with no feet".
I am greatful I can still speak and talk. I am grateful I can stand and walk. I am grateful I have people who love me and who I love. I am gratful to be alive and to look forward to the rest of today and hopefully tomorrow.
I am not resentful. I am sad I have lost so much. I am not resentful of drug users or people who have drinking problems as they are more ill than we are. We have each other. ( well... maybe not me anymore) but you all have each other and I can see how you feel for one anotehr.
know I dont how long I have to live, again.. I am have a very severe condition. But I am going to continue to plan for my future. I am going to continue to plan trips I cant make and I am going to plan to live without resentment.
With Respect,
This is an interesting topic, to be sure.
Navydad, you write well of heart-felt emotions of resentment and loss. I hope it was of some comfort to know that your child seems to really understand some of what you struggle with every day. If I posted earlier sounding like I "knew all about" resentment, I apologize to all, because I don't.
Boils down to the fact that we all deserve to feel however we feel, at any given time. The emotional parts of all this is perhaps harder to deal with than the physical pain. And we all can be in different places at different times.
I guess if we're truly honest, we all feel resentment sometimes. We can feel angry, sorry for ourselves, and great loss about the "people we used to be". It's just natural to want that person back!
By the way, color me stupid! I was determined not to let my husband's family take advantage over Thanksgiving. I ended up getting talked into doing too much, feeling like I should help too much and now today again I'm in pain and exhausted. My husband said last night he forgets that I cannot do things the way I could previously, because he was so used to me doing it. Make me wonder a bit where he's been the last 18 mths? And why do I never learn? Well, still learning every day...
All and can do is send you a (hug) and put you in my prayers. I have many of those days too. Sometimes it is hard and other times easier so just hang in.
I imagine I will stir the pot a little but here goes. I don't feel resentment. I am not always happy about being in the shape I am in but it could be worse. I have had pretty lousy health for much of my life but am a tough old codger and just kept doing what had to be done. I missed out on a ton of stuff, but I am lucky and I got my kids raised and lived to see my grandchildren.
Why am I not resentful? You know that is a very interesting question. I am by no means a hero or think that I am better than anyone else. I am a registered nurse. I have worked in Rochester, MN at one of the hospitals during my 3 year nursing education. I saw people from all over the world come to Mayo to be cured. They would be in some of the worst shape you could imagine. The stories of horrible disease and familes who were broken both emotionally and financially can reall haunt you. The night time screams of the patients with horrible pain is also hard to forget----you never forget it you just learn to accept it.
Life is what it is. There is an ebb and flow to all of our lives. We make big choices in our life every day. We can choose to be thankful for what we have and accepting of what has befallen us. All the years I have taken care of patients who have suffered from some really horrible diseases. As a nurse you just learn that you can either accept it for what it is or you can let it eat you alive. The ones who let it eat them alive are the ones who quit nursing or get into drugs and booze. They self medicate to be able to sleep cause what they deal with is haunting.
As uncomfortable as I have been and as scared as I have been at times is no fun. The infections that continue to plaque me are very worrisome to say the least. As I tell my hubby that some day I will wake up dead. Stupid I know, but I realize what is going on and that I can't change it.
Why would I resent any one else at this time of my life. They have done nothing to me nor have I "deserved" what has happened to me. The truth is that "crap happens" at any time to anyone. That is the way life is. Nothing about illness and suffering is fair, but so far I have never seen one person get through life without encountering it.
My attitude revolves around my spiritual beliefs to be sure, but I in spite of everything, I can not imagine living with the burden of spending my days resentful. It is a waste of energy. My attitude is "why not me" "why would I even think that I deserve not to encounter trouble".
I guess another one of the factors in my life that affect how I feel is the fact that I am not paralyzed, I did not die bleeding from every orifice of my body, I did not die in childbirth or have a stroke during childbirth, I did not die from breast cancer crying from the depths of my soul because I had no one in this country to love me---that included husband who never came. I did not get raped at the age of 9 by an uncle resulting in months of isolation and peritonitis with pus running out of my open incision that did not heal. I died with fear and lack of understanding in my eyes.
These things listed above are just a few of the disease and suffering that I had to deal with in nursing. There is suffering in this world. None of us are immune. The ones who do the best are the ones who keep in mind that it could be worse. That is not to say that one can't be sad about their pain or their condition, but to me resentful is something that can runneth over into how we live our life and interact with our family.
Acceptance of life and what it gives us makes the journey much easier whether we are well or sick. Irish ;D
I prefer to think that stuff happens and often it can be good. When I use the other form of the phrase, I seem to get the worst. I believe that life is meant to be lived and enjoyed no matter what challenges you face along the way. Sometimes I do admit that it is hard to find that enjoyment among the challenges that we face.
The one thing I try to remember about life is that you never get out of it alive. So you have to take what knowledge and enjoyment you can while trying not to harm others. Being human and hurting I sometimes forget this one and have to apologize for my poor behavior.
Quote from: irish on November 26, 2010, 09:21:33 PM
Nursing is a proud profession,, and I am sorry you had to see all of what you saw in your career ,, and I have heard tales of nurses going off the deep end with drugs and booze,, but its a job that ones chooses,, be it good or bad,, you tell of people screaming in hte night,, either accept it or let it haunt you,, I guess you just have to grow a thick skin,, You know I was at Mayo,, and I also saw some people who were in worse shape then me,, but I went there hoping that there was some kind of miracle there for me,, I would have been better going to Lourdes drinking from that magic spring there,, yes there are people that are in worse shape then me,, but there not me,, I am me,, I;mnot trying to be argumentive ,, but there trials are there own trials,, mine is mine,, I dont like being told by anyone,, thre are people worse off then you,, personnaly I dont care,, again,, I;mnot stating a argument,, I feel for people who are in worse shape to a point,, if a person is going to cork off in 6 months from something, at least they know and can accept it,, but when some of us just walltz down hte road of unknowns,, wakinng up to different things happening to our bodies that we dont understand and doctors who just shake there heads,, it makes one resentfull,, and a feeling of no hope, how can you have hope when you cant find answers,, how does one continue to suffer when you dont even know why your suffering,, and no one can tell you why your suffering,, I have had good nurses and some really bad ones,, when I had that Chiari surgery,, I had to beg for 10 hours for a blanket, and a pillow, I had a nurse lie to me when she put a IV in my arms and my arms swelled up like a ballon,, she missed the vein and had to tell me that oh some people get a reaction like this,, I;m not a idiot becasue she replaced the IV into the vein,,
I had spianl fluid pouring out of my neck onto the pillow when I had menigitis,, the nurse said it was sweat,, my wife lifted my head enough for her to see it wasent sweat,, it only took a few hours before a doctor came in to look at it,, guess it wasent to inportant,, when I had surgery again, I didnt bother to call my family,, i went in alone, I really didnt care at that moment if I lived or died,, I didnt care,, after being screwed over so many times,, I didnt care
I had one good experience,, a male nurse named Bill,, when I was in hte ER with menigitis,, a fever of 105,, delusional,, he told me after my wife and sister went out of the room for a minute,, he said,, you know your in bad shape dont you,, I was awake to know what he was talking about,, andI said yes I know,, and he told me to start making my peace just in case,, I was calm, I was calm enough to know I was possibly dying,he held my hand and prayed,, I will never forget him,, well enough for my saturday morning rant,, love you all
Quote from: navydad on November 26, 2010, 12:20:40 PM
oh,, and I have heard that insanse saying,, when life hands you lemonades,, make lemonade,, this is usually from people who still take the trips,, i;dlike to shove a whole lemon down there throat,, now you make lemonade,, idiots
DITTO.
I've said no til I'm blue in the face and no one adjusts the schedule. So I guess partly I'm anger at them for not understanding.
This flare has lasted so far two months. Relatives believe that I will come out of this one just like I have all the others. I'm not so sure about that. The nueropathy is progressing and the pain is 24/7.
I helped out with a lot of the cooking on Thanksgiving and today I helped hang a wreath on the second floor landing and put in an artificial tree outdoors along with cleaning out notebooks etc. It is now late in the afternoon and my body is shot.
I'm going to have to give up the one thing I love most, wathcing tv programs. Nights are awful and I can't sit up in the recliner anymore have to lay in the bed where I can't watch TV. So, I'm going to delete all of my tv programs and season passes off of my DVR and stop stressing about it and move on. Work myself to exhaustion during the day and to bed by the latest 8 PM. I'm tired of trying to explain this to others and tired of fighting the pain.
I hear ya lighthouse,, no one will ever understand,, how can they,, do what you have to do,, dont throw good money after bad,, if you have to be in bed by 8PM,,, so what,, I have went to bed at 5PM and I dont care what anyone thinks, but you know whats the worst part,, when I walk into the bedroom, I feel like I;m walking into a jail cell,, I dont know if you get any relief when you sleep,, but I dont, different parts of my body will flare, in pain, so the best i can do is take a cocktail mix of meds and hope to pass out for a few hours,, wake up at 4am,, and start it all over again
I have to tell you that you don't have to feel sorry for me and my career choice. I love nursing. I love the challenge of learning. I love the ability that I have learned to help people feel more comfortable by just doing some simple tasks that make life easier for them or relieve the pain for a while. This does not include pain meds. There are things that work well for pain other than a pill.
I felt it was a privilege to help someone die with dignity and without pain. I find it satisfying to help a family cope and be able to stand at the bedside of a dying relative without feeling squeemish. Death and suffering is something that teaches you so much about life, about others and about yourself. You can't witness death without being in extreme awe of the life hereafter. This is what has meant so much to me.
Nursing is bloody hard work. It kills your body physically ( I was one of the charge nurses that could get out in the trenches with my staff and do what they did, if needed--I wasn't tied to the computer) It can tear your emotions apart. Yes, you have to grow a thick skin, how else would one be able to do the nursing tasks. A nurse doesn't have time to sit around and put her finger aside her nose and say "gee, I wonder how I should feel about changing that colostomy bag" when there is stool from one end of the bed to the other because the bag leaked. We just do it!!!!
Some people can't stand this type of work and they shouldn't be in it. If you want to sit at a computer all day and not interact with a patient then that is not nursing to my mind.
Yes, it affects how I feel about illness. It also affects how I think about others illnesses. I can tell by looking at someone if they are sick. Many times I can tell when people are having kidney problems or heart failure on my first meeting. You would be surprised at the amount of info the body gives off.
Sooo, when I say I am not resentful about being ill, I mean it. I have seen way too many people suffer and I know that if they can take it I can take it. Suffering is part of life. We aren't promised a life without pain and suffering. The key word that encompasses suffering and resentment is the word acceptance. I can accept what has been handed to me. I am not happy about it cause there are a whole lot of things I would have liked to have done with my life. Heck, the money I spent on health care is ridiculous.
However, I am in my own home, I am warm and I have food to eat and a family who love me and often who put up with me. The thing that really bothers me is the fact that my boys are going to have to suffer in the years to come. Some of them are suffering now from autoimmune stuff. I feel darn guilty about that. I can't change it so I don't dwell on it.
THe big thing that I find important in the midst of my health issues is making sure that my kids don't have to get stuck cleaning up a mess in the house or cleaning up a financial nightmare. The thing both hubby and I strive for is to do what we can for ourselves and try our darndest to leave the legacy that illness is to be accepted. If we sit around and whine and complain our kids will not even want to see us. Thats the way it is with illness. Healthy people don't like to be around sick people.
They can't take the emotional stress nor can they deal with the fact that it could happen to them. If both hubby and I spent our days resentful we would never enjoy the good things that happen in life. I don't mean the earth shaking fun and games stuff. I am saying the sunrises, the sunsets, the chills that go up and down your spine when you hear a touching song. In my world resentment means bitterness and bitterness means being lonely and alone. I will fight to the bitter end to avoid resentment cause it would destroy me and my family. Irish
I;m happy that you came to the acceptance part Irish,, for me its fear,, tomorrow is our first day of deer season,, I was able to hunt almost every day,, I had a LITTLE problem with the cold and my hands were just barely bothering me at the time,, how bad things have gottten in a year is disturbing, I have tried to get out in the woods the past few days,, I am staggering around, out of breath,, hands are shot,, stomach is worse,, I am not resentful of ife, I am resentfull of being dismissed, I dont care how book smart people are,, when I walk in a office of a doctor,, you dont have to be a genious to see that I;m sick,
AND,, I was reading over the long nice letter I got from the gastro, and he touched on a variety of issues that might be affecting my GI tract,, but he also didnt forget to mention that I suffer from anxiety and depression,, they love to toss that in,
I dont like paying so much for our health insurance,, over a 1000 a month, for me and my wife, along with med cost,
navydad, I don't know why you would be surprised about the anxiety and depression part of the letter. That is one of the components of your illness that you refuse to acknowledge. I don't know if you realize it or not, but patients who refuse to be treated for their anxiety and depression do not usually get as much respect from their doctors.
A doctor can't always sucessfully treat a patient whose anxiety and depression are such a huge component of their medical issues. People who aren't depressed don't talk about shooting themselves or many of the other self destructive statements you have made on these posts. I am laying this on you cause someone needs to do it. You are just shooting yourself in the foot running to all the doctors and then probably not being compliant or getting the psychiatric help needed to treat your depression.
If you have not gotten treatment of any kind for your anxiety and depression then you might as well keep on expecting the worst from your family and friends. You have not figured out yet that depression can destroy relationships. It probably isn't your illness that causes as much trouble for you as your depression and how it impacts your interaction with others.
I would also bet that you are having mood swings cause they are obvious in your postings. Please go get some help. We all care here but it gets old trying to deal with someone who doesn't want to help himself. If you are too macho to get help you will just have to adjust to feeling miserable. You don't understand depression at all. The chemicals in your brain are screwed up from your pain and the stress of the illness. This impacts your ability to sleep, affects your gastrointestinal tract, makes your emotions cycle up and down like crazy, affects your endurance and ability to deal with pain and other physical health issues.
If you had a bad experience in the past with psychiatrists, etc. please tell one of your docs and ask for a psychiatrist who would do right by you, ie, understanding and able to talk with you. There are some lousy psychiatrists out there just like there are some other lousy doctors. Be realistic and talk with your doctor about this.
If you keep on complaining and don't get the anxiety addressed the doctors don't have a clue whether it is really physical symptoms or physical symptoms made worse by the depression. It could even be depression that comes from your brain surgery and that would need to be addressed also. People who have had brain surgery suffer from a very high rate of depression. Heck, just the amount of steroids needed post op in brain surgery can cause depression to kick in. Your attitude is lousy and you are one of the most negative people that has posted on this site in the 6 years I have been here. If you are miserable then take some responsibility for things and get help and sort things out so that you will have some good years with your family. Irish
I am doing a little better. Adjusted my dosage of pain killer (tramadol) and when I take it. Instead of taking iwth dinner I take it an hour afterwords. Seems to be helping a little. Was able to watch some TV last night. Have decided not to delete my shows for now and see how it goes.
Also, started doing some of the stretches that my neurologist recommended for the neuropathy.
What shocked me last week was a comment by one of my relatives. She doesn't believe that I have Sjogren's. She thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I tried to explain to her that I have positive blood work results with SSA and SSB and a positive lip biopsy. She didn't want to hear it. She's the one that doesn't want to read any Sjogren's books etc so I doubt that she would agree to go talk to my doctor. I guess she is entitled to her opinion even if it is dead wrong.
Quote from: lighthouse33 on December 02, 2010, 08:26:08 AM
I am doing a little better. Adjusted my dosage of pain killer (tramadol) and when I take it. Instead of taking iwth dinner I take it an hour afterwords. Seems to be helping a little. Was able to watch some TV last night. Have decided not to delete my shows for now and see how it goes.
Also, started doing some of the stretches that my neurologist recommended for the neuropathy.
What shocked me last week was a comment by one of my relatives. She doesn't believe that I have Sjogren's. She thinks I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I tried to explain to her that I have positive blood work results with SSA and SSB and a positive lip biopsy. She didn't want to hear it. She's the one that doesn't want to read any Sjogren's books etc so I doubt that she would agree to go talk to my doctor. I guess she is entitled to her opinion even if it is dead wrong.
NO MATTER what yout tell your relative he os she isnt going to change there mind on what you have,, so unless you like beating a dead horse,, dont even try to convince her,, just tell her ya you might be right and that you may have CFS ,, let if go at that,,
I can honestly understand being resentful I have that problem.I don't resent healthy people.I resent people who push me when I can't go.I resent all the mental drugs I took trying to cure my achey legs ::) all the ambien in the world won't fix fibro I can tell ya.I resent that people don't understand I go without what I need (meds,groceries,laundry) because I don't want to bother them.I resent my crippled crazy deaf mute parents who i still do my best to look after even though I can barely look after myself.I resent that even after getting sober,quitting smoking ,years of therapy i'm still treated by family like my drinking years somehow caused this or deserve it for causing them problems.I resent my daughter beating me up because as a nursing home employee she could determine I was a fake despite all the bloodwork.I most of all resent myself for not ....I don't know.today I am 4 years sober and at 45 years old I'll barely be able to go get my dissability check so I can pay my daughter for raising my son.He is almost 17 and his girl got pregnant and walked away because we have no money.I would gladly go back to working 2 or 3 jobs at a time if it was my fathers will but I guess it is not.Have I given up ,no.I still despite not being able to type much or even leaving home some way I can go to school .I am allergic to narcotics and have tried a very long list of antidepessants but being have yet to have a good match.I used to smoke pot which didn't give me any problems except with the law enforcement types and it sure did help with the anxiety and stiffness.kinda like good hair conditioner smoothes the rough edges for awhile.People usually have opinions about that but since very often they are on way stonger things than I could ever take I pay little attention.I think my biggest resentment is I can't provide for my son and it hurts worse than anything in the world.his baby was due yesterday and I resent the heck out of my helplessness and I know down deep he does too.
Quote from: marilyn143 on December 03, 2010, 12:08:48 AM
I can honestly understand being resentful I have that problem.I don't resent healthy people.I resent people who push me when I can't go.I resent all the mental drugs I took trying to cure my achey legs ::) all the ambien in the world won't fix fibro I can tell ya.I resent that people don't understand I go without what I need (meds,groceries,laundry) because I don't want to bother them.I resent my crippled crazy deaf mute parents who i still do my best to look after even though I can barely look after myself.I resent that even after getting sober,quitting smoking ,years of therapy i'm still treated by family like my drinking years somehow caused this or deserve it for causing them problems.I resent my daughter beating me up because as a nursing home employee she could determine I was a fake despite all the bloodwork.I most of all resent myself for not ....I don't know.today I am 4 years sober and at 45 years old I'll barely be able to go get my dissability check so I can pay my daughter for raising my son.He is almost 17 and his girl got pregnant and walked away because we have no money.I would gladly go back to working 2 or 3 jobs at a time if it was my fathers will but I guess it is not.Have I given up ,no.I still despite not being able to type much or even leaving home some way I can go to school .I am allergic to narcotics and have tried a very long list of antidepessants but being have yet to have a good match.I used to smoke pot which didn't give me any problems except with the law enforcement types and it sure did help with the anxiety and stiffness.kinda like good hair conditioner smoothes the rough edges for awhile.People usually have opinions about that but since very often they are on way stonger things than I could ever take I pay little attention.I think my biggest resentment is I can't provide for my son and it hurts worse than anything in the world.his baby was due yesterday and I resent the heck out of my helplessness and I know down deep he does too.
Its not your fault,, you have to rememebr that,, it is not your fault,, you got sober,, you tried,, you have tried to mend fences,, YOU HAVE TRIED,, now its time to think about you,, you will be consumed and spit out if you dont start to think about yourself,, I have been down that road, used by parents,, used by siblings,, used by friends,, all becaseu I could not say no,, I still cant at times, and I am treated like I am perfectly capale of scaleing everest, screw that,, even if it means getting a bit loud with people,, you have to start with yourself,, I kow being a mother is tough,, a mothers love is forever, but when you dont get it in return,, it hurts to the soul,, my sons thank goodness look to me as some kind of God,, the guy who can be talked to when they need advice,, but dad is running out of advice, its to hard to think, but I keep trying,, I keep trying to be a dad,, and if this thing kills me in some way,, they will at least kjow I have tried,, you have tried,, you did good,, you stopped drinking and if you smoke pot,, I dont care,, I did,, if it helps, so what,, take this day to start planing a life for you,, invite the others into it,, but if they dont come,, YOU AT LEAST TRIED,
dear lighthouse,
I'm glad you are doing a little better. If I sounded as if I knew how best to deal with your family in an earlier post, (ya know, like well, just tell 'em and it'll be ok) I apologize! I can't tell anyone how to deal with their stuff since I am still working on mine. :-[
I think sometimes when we are diagnosed with something unfamiliar(which = scary), friends or family just don't want to deal with it, so they deny. Or they want to insist it might be something else. In an odd way I think it's because they really do care, they just don't want us to have something so difficult to deal with. Of course, I could be totally wrong, since I am quite often! :)
Anyway, I am glad you are feeling better; I would be interested in learning more about the stretching excercise.
oh, marilyn
So many things you have on your plate, dear! I want to congratulate you on your sobriety. Sounds like you have so many things happening. Just want to let you know there are people here who you can vent to and understand. Yes, as navydad said, You are trying! And start planning to be good to yourself. I send you thoughts and prayers.
Melinda
LIGHTHOUSE~HEY THERE! thats part of my RAGE i think! i just plain tell it like it is...ASK MY TWINZIE SHA!
i just went through that feelin' when after over a decade i've had epic porportions of symptoms & NO RELIF OR ANSWERS & MY SISSY GOES IN AFTER A WEEK OF HURTIN & THRUSH & EH SHE GETS US ~BOTH~ A DX W/IN A WEEK ~AND~ A REFERRAL TA RHEUMY IN SEATTLE! what happened ta my 20+ ailments that have no rhymn or reason ta them...the only thing i've got outa all the doc visits is pain pills & fustration! oh & don;t 4get the head tilt/head scratch...ur a hypochondriac look! big red truck peeps anyways!
so yeh i say ta sha~i luva u kid BUT...THATS NOT FAIR! BRATTY BRAT BRAT! (she's been my biggest advocate) so how do i stay mad @ her cause the docs didn't have the ~type 1 diabetes~ catch~all ta blame it on! (she's NOT diabetic) so her symptoms got attention & possible dx!
THATS WHEN THE SAME DOC SAYS OH...HEY...HAVE UR TWIN MAKE AN APPT. W/ME! HER RASH & OTHER AILMENTS MAY BE DUE TA SJOGRENS!
(maybe i should just start sendin' sha ta my apptments & tell her my main complaints & have see if they figure them out!) i'ma gigglin' on the insides!
it's normal ta be fustrated & pissed off w/all u go through...is the response from my hero of a sissy! (YES U R LUVED SHA BEBE)!
(HI JOE...HI NAVYDAD...HI KAMIE)
MUCH LUV TA U~*flutterfly*~xo
thank you everyone for the kind words.I'm feeling a bit better today.My daughter and I are working things out and I had my grandson over for the evening.My son is doing as well as he can right now.One good thing about seeing so much of the worlds ugly is you can really appreciate the beauty :)
Meld256,
The exercises my nuero gave me are:
1. point your toes
2. lift your leg up and put your foot on your opposite knee
She cautioned me to start out slow at 5 minutes for a week. She said stretching is as strenous as lifting weights and if you overdue it you might not be able to walk for several weeks. We also discussed yoga and she said that would be good to do.
Thank you, lighthouse. ;)
I will try the stretching excercise. I just naturally stretch around a bit anyway; I hope it helps!
I am planning on joining a local fitness center run by the hospital in the near future where they have a nice heated pool. awwhhh! I learned they have a 50% discount for those at least 55 yrs. of age, so my turning 55 in Feb. will be a good thing. ;D It will only cost me $25 a mth. so I will save in another area of the budget if needed.
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marilyn143,
I'm glad to hear things are going a bit better for you. I think I know what you mean about seeing beauty when so many things can be ugly. Please remember you have lots of support here. Take care of yourself, dear.
Blessings,
Melinda