sorry I have not been here for a long time,there is a reason some of you may remember not so long ago I was DXed with having lupus back after over 10 years remission. At the same time I was also DX with having Raynaud's as well as fibro and sjs. Years ago before I went into remission of my Lupus I had what the physiatrist DXed me with was having what is called a lupus onset full and compleat nervous break down. I took an Over does of some drug can't remember anything about it but waking up in hospital I almost died from it. I was told about symptoms to watch for at that time and feel now I'm in or suffering from depression again last time I did not see the early signs at all but this time I am sure this is what is going on with me. Crying all the time and most of the time for no reason. My braking point this time of what made me realize is something I did and almost lost the love of my life due to it. Other symptoms I have noted due to looking up the symptoms
?sadness and gloom ( Yes )
?spells of crying (often without a cause) ( Yes )
?insomnia or restless sleep, or sleeping too much ( Yes)
?loss of appetite, or eating too much (Yes)
?uneasiness or anxiety ( Yes)
?irritability ( yes)
?feelings of guilt or regret (Yes)
?lowered self-esteem (Yes)
?inability to concentrate (Yes)
?diminished memory and recall (Yes)
?indecisiveness (Yes)
?lack of interest in things formerly enjoyed (yes)
?fatigue (Yes)
Physical symptoms may include :
?headache (no)
?heart palpitations (Yes)
?diminished sexual interest and/or performance (no)
?body aches and pains (Yes)
?indigestion (no)
?constipation (no)
?diarrhea (Yes)
As you can see I have most of the symptoms listed
and all that remain in my memory only to well. this is not where I
want to be at all. remember the break down it has all came back
to me but that time I did not know what was going on until it was to late
at least
this time I do know and it scares me I don't ever want to go back
to that deep dark hole I lived in for such a long time. feelings of
alone and nobody loves or cares about me type of thoughts
I have an appointment but scared that he will not see this is what
I have and or I'm scared about losing the love of my life we were not
together when I had the break down nor was he with me when I was
DXed with lupus,fibro,sjs,but we were together when I was DXed
with the Raynaud's. Ive been waiting to tell my good friend about
this but she has so many of her own worries now and felt the time
was not right for me to bother her so I hope you don't mind me
talking to you about this I just need to put it out there. I will be telling
my Dr when I see him on the 12th but very very scared as to how
my bf will handle this. He dose not have any understanding about
lupus fibro sjs or Raynaud's at all and now this what is prob lupus onset
yet again. anyway for anybody out there that reads my list and Say's
yes hey this is how Ive been feeling tell your Dr I'm sure its the same
symptoms for all if not most AI illness. Thanks for reading.
Gerty,
I am sorry you are so scared right now. Have you thought of talking to your doctor and seeing if you can come in earlier? Maybe you should see if you can be seen earlier, and if they can't get you in, let them know you feel it is important and an emergency.
I am sorry you are going through all this and I hope you find some help in dealing with the things you are right now. I hope your boyfriend is more of a help than you think.
*hugs*
-Y
Gerty,
I have missed you. Sorry you are back in such distress. I agree what Ynevar said try to see your Dr right away. If he is booked until the 12th and things seem to be getting worse go to your local ER or urgent call. Take along your records so they can see the full picture.
As far as your boyfriend goes don't let him add to your stress. I am sure he loves you very much and just wants to see you healthy.
Visit often and vents that always helps and keep us posted. I hope you can see your DR soon. If all else fails go sit in the waiting room. If he sees all much you are suffering he might sqeeze you in
Gerty
My heart goes out to you. The others have said all that I could say, so I will just let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Kathyx
Gerty, I am so sorry that you are having to face the "demons" again. That is what I call all these bad feelings that drag us down and destroy our self esteem not to mention putting a wedge between those we care about.
It sounds like you are suffering Big Time. Please remember that you don't have to have all those symptoms to confirm depression. It only takes a couple of those symptoms to make our lives go to heck. I have no doubt at all that you will be diagnosed with depression the first time you see your doc.
Be honest and explain about your past history and explain what is going on again. Lupus is notorious for causing depressions that can get severe. Please keep in mind that since you recognize what is going on this time you are one up on this disease. That is true, but you are still in a very vulnerable position and please don't do anything in your life to cause increased stress. Keep you life very sensible and do what needs to be done to keep you as stable as possible.
If you get even a hint of self destructive behavior get to the ER ASAP. Do not be embarrassed or ashamed. You know what happened the last time and no way do you want to go through that again. The minute any of us have emotional issues that start to escalate and make us uneasy we need help---now.
If you have to be admitted to the hospital for a 3 day stay to get tested and started on treatment, so be it. At least you will be where you are safe. Arrange to live with someone if need be. At this stage of your disease you are no other options but to take care of yourself. Every time we go through something like this we learn a heck of a lot about ourselves and how we cope and operate. We also learn what we can do to help prevent furture problems. I have had problems and in the hospital a couple of times at my request. I know if I had tried to put it off I would have gone from suicidal ideation (thinking about it) to planning it and carrying it out.
We have to be honest with ourselves in order to take good care of ourselves. There are many options out there are far as lifestyles. Some may not cause a great financial gain, but will keep us happy and safe. Good luck and keep us updated. Irish ;D
As a parent of a child with depression, I urge you to seek help now. If not for yourself, do it for the loved ones around you who suffer because you do.
Dear Gerty, I hope you heed all the good advice from those who know how you feel.
Much good luck and hugs Dolly
I know it's scary. *big motherly hug* You have come through very dark days and learned a great deal about yourself. It may not feel that way right now, but every trial you want through has made you stronger, smarter and more attuned to your body. Now is the time to concentrate on yourself -- and you've already taken the first step by making the doctor's appointment.
Why don't you call the doctor's office and ask to be put on a cancellation list? If you live close by, be sure to tell them that. Most offices are glad to have a list of names to fill up sudden cancellations.
Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor to talk about these feelings that are troubling you? It doesn't have to be a psychiatrist. Unloading your troubles on a good mental health counselor can be such a relief, plus they can teach you techniques to help you relax, lower pain and feel more in control of your life. You doctor's office or local health department should have a list of nearby counselors.
Take care of yourself. It's a silly old saying, but there really IS a light at the end of the tunnel (and I promise that it's not a train ;). Be gentle with yourself, keep your schedule light, spend time with people you love, do something kind for someone else, try to eat healthy, and fill your mind with good things.
You have my prayers.
Deb
Gerty,
I am so sorry for all you are going through. I too experienced that deep dark hole as a result of becoming violently ill from the toxicity of defective prescription drugs. I denied having depression at the same time I was wishing I would just die. Lesson learned---seek help! You don't need a check list to tell you when you don't feel right. If you feel the need to reach out, find someone who will listen. This forum is a great place to start because we all understand. You have many options and everyone here can share ideas of what helps them. We all have different flavors of these horrible autoimmune diseases but we all share the havoc that the diseases reign on our lives. Misery DOES love company. *hugs* and keep posting.
Gerty....I'm sending a "BIG HUG" to you also. I agree that you need to see someone as soon as possible. If the suggestions offered by others don't work, this might help. Receptionists are not nurses nor are they doctors. They have to abide by facility policies. If you can't get in sooner, ask to speak with your physicians nurse, or any nurse available. Tell her you have a history of major depression and your in need of seeing someone immediately and the only opening is ------(Whatever they told you). They usually have the authority to double book once they consult the MD or
PA-C. Also, you can always leave a phone message. If the facility accepts Medicare and Medicaid, or your insurance, they are committed to return your call within 24hrs. If they don't call you back, you have options. They'll call you back. Hope this helps. Mental Health facilities have hot line numbers you can call 24/7. If the office is closed they'll give you an alternate number to call and someone will either answer or if you get a recording, make sure you insist they return your call immediately. These facilities really strive to answer each and every call. As far as your BF, worry about him later. You need to concentrate on getting yourself help. Good luck to you, and remember, you are loved and valued by many and God loves you too! Sissy
Gerty,
Hope to hear from you today and see if you were able to get in to talk to someone. *hugs* So many here send lots of hugs and encouragement for you. Medical professionals do have an obligation to work with you, especially if you are concerned about your depression. *hugs* I know it's hard to advocate for yourself when you are so down, if you need help then don't be afraid to enlist it.
-Y
(((Gerty))) - the others have given good advice and there is nothing I can add, except to encourage you to seek medical help ASAP if you think you need it.
Hugs,
Bucky
I answered yes to all the questions, should I be scared? I hope this is a phase that will pass either on it's own or with medical help and medication. Being sick all the time is definitely and physical and physiological strain that we all need help with.
thanks you all so much for all of your kind words and support. I was hoping the lupus was going to be slow like it was the first time around but my legs are in pain still not so bad. but this sadness was not something I was not expected to happen so soon as I was so sick and for such a long time last time but goes to show these AIs do what they want to do. The 12th was a cancellation app before that it was going to be the 26th but now its going to be one day after my birthday. I don't know why or how come I feel so sad and crying all the time today I was able to smile for a little while but it only lasted for a few minutes when out of the blue came the blues again. I m sorry I just can't thing straight right now.I did just want to say thanks so very much to everybody here. My friend is so unwell and I don't want to bother her with my probs right now she has been through a lot lately and is expecting that she may be DXed with cancer as they found something on her test but Drs don't know what it is yet or her Dr said she had never seen or she don't understand what it is so I guess she is looking into it. take care I will be back I might seem to ramble and rave on a bit at times Ive missed all of you so much but did not want to bother any of you guys either. take care and thanks again please forgive me if I don't make much sense.
Gerty I said a prayer for you. I had it like that in the past too. It is a horrible demon for sure. You will be ok with treatment . Don't hesitate to get some more treatment. Don't be hard on yourself either. It's not anything we do when we suffer this kind of depression, or any kind for that matter.
susanep :)
susanep thanks so much for your pray for me that was very good of you to do so.