While everyone cares how others are doing I believe men and women tend to show that differently.
I have heard that the women's point of view is described as ((((hugs)))) and let's talk things out.
I believe that a man's point of view is lets fix-it and get over it or move on.
What do you think?
100% agreement here, Joe.
There's a reason for the old saying (and book) Men are from Mars, Women are form Venus. Mars is associated with action while Venus is associated with emotion...and culturally, we are trained to those reactions from childhood..Boys don't cry, and little girls play mommy. I'm so glad to see the start of a shift in those attitudes in my children and grandchildren and others of those generations. My son was and remains comfortable (and skilled) in the kitchen, and my grandson is encouraged to express his creative side, while one of my daughters is probably more versed in auto mechanics than many young men, and my granddaughters, although very much "girly girls" are just as comfortable "helping" Daddy around the garage as they are "helping " Mommy in the kitchen.
This probably also helps explain why some couples have difficulties when one has a chronic illness...wifey wants to nurture and care for a sick hubby and expects the same in return, while hubby want the problem dealt with and fixed ASAP, no matter which one has it!
I guess I'm a man in a womans body then. ;D
I definately have the man attitude that you describe.
Men want answers, they want to get it fixed, and move on,, its hard for men to take things as brutal as a chronic illness, at least most men,, I am one that cant accept it, the wife wants to help, but she does not know what to do other then to say I know honey that you are geting worse,,
Yeah, I am with Liz on this one, I got Sjogrens it, let's do what we can to move on. I think we all have days that bring us down but I am thankful we have each other to vent to. No one understands unless you live with this.
I'm pretty sure there is a male female spectrum with extremes at both ends and lots of people in the middle.
I'm definitely the fixit guy but I have to be. The rare times I try to be empathetic with my girlfriend and say things like:
'I understand'
'I'm so sorry you feel that way'.
'I hope you feel better'
'Whatever you'd like to do'
'I'm sure you're right'
she thinks I'm making fun of her and says:
'FU'
Joe,
I think your as correct as one can be when generalizing, I've made the same observation, but let me say, vive la difference.
I guess that makes me transgender or something. I'm caring and am all about the hugs and sympathy and kinda wish I got more of that from my "just wanna fix-it" DH, but at the same time I want to fix it, I don't really want to just accept it, and I want to figure it out. I'm not satisfied with the doctors oversimplified explanations, I want the the real meat. Tell me exactly what the values mean, I have joint pain, fatigue, stomach pains etc, tell me exactly, mechanically why this occurs and tell me exactly what each of the 10 Rx drugs you've got me on does for each of these problems. I want to understand this thing inside and out, the trouble is the Docs don't even understand it that well, so hence my frustration will have have to go unanswered.
Epson said it so well when he said "vive la difference".
Like some of the other ladies, I'm a fix it and get on with it kind of person. I enjoy putting things together, figuring out how to do something, and still being the "tomboy".
Patze
I think Puccini summed it up best for me! I'm a little of both too....which is good and right where I want to be!
I'm definitely a "fix it, move on" type person. Then again I also missed out on the shopping gene most women get too (I hate shopping). LOL
I guess this bring new relevance to the word, "Individual".
You know I am not sure I am either. I am more go with the flow. Try to learn what hurts and what helps. But to learn to live with what isn't going to get better.
I have been given some drugs to help me that only made me worse. (methatrexate, Arava, Cymbalta, Nuerotin, Lyrica ETC.) So now when a doctor talks about a new drug I tend to be very cautious. I try to look for more natural treatments. But as far as it goes if I have a Dr I trust, I will try almost anything they suggest as long as I can stop it if it does not help or makes me worse.
However wouldn't it be amazing if we could really fix the way we feel and just move on. I am so for that!
Jules
I'm with Puccini, I always need clear answers or I'll go nutty lol.
Or else I worry, untill someone tells me it's nothing too concerning.
And I love hugs, it's what keeps me going.
My husband hates when I talk about my health problems, because he can't FIX them. It makes him upset and mad and frustrated.
Sooo, I shouldn't talk about them.
Sigh.
I try, I really try.
Of course, then he thinks they're GONE and were all in my mind.
ACK.
Kisses
Elaine (aka Carolina)
Hi,
I agree with Puccini, I want solutions, but also need to be listened to sometimes. My husband is a fix-it and get on with life kind of person and very- if your
on time your late, but every year he gets more and more patient about the fact that I have these 2 disorders that affect how I feel and what I can do sometimes.
I love him dearly and am glad hat this a a place where other people "get it", I don't have to use him as a sounding board as much.
Catilee2
I am glad that this generated a discussion. That is what I meant to do. I hope that this helps us understand ourselves and others.
Thank you for your comments.
[size=10pt From the most simple task to the most complex, we have to be in a state of ACCEPTANCE, ENJOYMENT, or ENTHUSIASM. If not in one of these states, you will create suffering for yourself and others.][/size]
Interesting Season, very interesting.
Patze
AMEN SEASON!
That is my belief completely.
Get with the program.
Go with the flow.
Relax and find the joy in everything.
Kisses
Elaine
I am the one who wants to know the why and wherefore and I am also the gofer and the problem solver. I do the organizing and phone calls and deal with all the crap, which aptly describes a lot of the stuff that is necessary.
I seem to accept things, deal with them and go on.
Hubby doesn't like dealing with health issues such as setting up meds. He doesn't remember the medical terms and yet, with all his health issues he accepts and goes on. He went on disability when he ws 54 and he is now 72. He took care of the outside stuff and there was a lot and still is. He is now at the point of having to ask for help a whole lot but he is still able to mow our 2 1/2 acre yard but it takes him a lot longer. We just ask each other "are we having fun yet"???
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get. Irish ;D
Quote from: puccini914 on September 12, 2010, 08:10:48 AM
I guess that makes me transgender or something. I'm caring and am all about the hugs and sympathy and kinda wish I got more of that from my "just wanna fix-it" DH, but at the same time I want to fix it, I don't really want to just accept it, and I want to figure it out. I'm not satisfied with the doctors oversimplified explanations, I want the the real meat. Tell me exactly what the values mean, I have joint pain, fatigue, stomach pains etc, tell me exactly, mechanically why this occurs and tell me exactly what each of the 10 Rx drugs you've got me on does for each of these problems. I want to understand this thing inside and out, the trouble is the Docs don't even understand it that well, so hence my frustration will have have to go unanswered.
Me too - I'm female, but I've always been the practical one, and spent most of my years in engineering, which is very fact based. I get very peeved with the "gray" that we have to deal with this disease - a lot of it feels like "witch doctor medicine" - try this and see if it works. Oh, it didn't? then try this.
I've got to be honest, I've been cultivating my "feminine side" here on the board, and trying to express sympathy a bit more when folks need it. It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I just tended not to say it much. I grew up in a family that just "gritted out" all their problems.
I think it's a good thing to remember how bad it can feel some days.