Author Topic: Darn Depression  (Read 3341 times)

ruby52

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Darn Depression
« on: July 20, 2009, 06:30:37 AM »
It crept back in.I was getting things accomplished and felt pretty decent going back on HRT for the flashing.I was getting very irritable and flashes of anger mostly directed at my DH.He suggested I go back on Paxil and I told him I was fine.Everything he did got on my nerves.My DD asked what was wrong a few times when she's called and I said nothing but really I didn't want to talk just be left alone.Finally I mentioned her dad suggested I was depressed and she agreed.I told her I didn't feel depressed I just feel like being left alone and not bothered.She laughed and said Mom that's depression.So two people probably aren't wrong so I started back on it Fri. and guess what? Now I feel depressed lol.Anger  and irritability are gone though.I'll give it time I'm just so surprised I didn't see it myself.I'm frustrated because the meds make you more tired.Honestly I'm tired of caregiving to my 95yr.old FIL.Five yrs. now and it's to much but DH can't look at alternatives.I'm left wondering if the depression is from the illness or the caregiving .Maybe both.Guess we'll figure it out.
                                                                   Ruby

Scottietottie

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #1 on: July 20, 2009, 07:16:21 AM »
Hi Ruby

Depression's horrible isn't it?  My depression, when it happens, manifests itself very like you describe and it can creep up slowly. I've never been a 'weepy' person but irritable, with a short fuse and just wanting to be left alone sounds very familiar.

I would think that having a chronic illness and having to be a caregiver also could contribute to depression but, as I'm sure you know, clinical depression is more than that. That's why anti depressants help.

In my case - they didn't help - and it turned out that my depression was actuially being caused by an underactive thyroid. Keep your eyes on your thyroid numbers. If it goes wrong nothing gets you out of the blues until you get thyroid meds.

Hope it's not that though. Hope the paxil does its job and that you feel better soon.

Take care - Scottie  :)
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Poochie

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #2 on: July 20, 2009, 08:52:02 AM »
Hello Ruby,
I am so sorry you are having this bout with depression.  It isn't very pleasant I know.  Thankfully, I've learned to recognize the signs and know what to do before it gets a good hold on me.

Scottie had a good thought with the under or over active thyroid.  Have you had yours checked?  With all the problems we encounter with Sjs and other things, it isn't surprising something else slips in on us.  ::) Please be sure to mention this when you see your doctor again.  If it gets worse, maybe a call to him/her wouldn't be wrong. 

Take care and I hope you get to feeling "sunny" again soon.  8)

Hugs, Pooh

ohiolady

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2009, 10:32:22 AM »
Ruby,

So sorry to hear you are struggling with depression.  That is an awful feeling.  I feel really bad that you are taking care of your 95 y/o FIL.  That has got to be too much for you.  Does your husband realize the toll it takes on you?  Sometimes there are no easy answers.  My MIL is in nursing home in your community and my mother has Alzheimers, so we know it won't be long for her.  Ugh, life can be so hard. 

Thinking of you.

Anna
SJS  Hashimoto's   Mild Raynauds  GERD  Gastroparesis
Restasis, Evoxac, Dexilant,  Domperidone, Zofran and Synthroid. Fish Oil, Vit D and B12  R lipoic acid,  Acetyl L Cartnine, Vitamin B1, and The Perfect Food Green and Fruit supplement

Kidney Cancer Survivor   
Female   Age: 62

DragonflyC

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2009, 02:29:37 PM »
I'd like to add support for you getting your thyroid checked (and making sure they tell you the TSH level, not just that it's "normal"--many of us w/ autoimmune issues are more sensitive than the rest of the population and need a lower TSH). 

Whatever caused your depression, though, it is itself another disease.  Being sick with anything is frustrating, upsetting, annoying, sad. . . it's worse when those are the symptoms (having had thyroid issues that led to depression, I know).  Just remember that depression, like any illness, requires treatment.  Push your doc to help you find meds and dosage levels that make you feel better, not worse.  There are so many options when it comes to treating depression.  Draw on as many resources as you can for support and help--your body is letting you know that you can't do it all on your own.  Your daughter and husband sound like wise and loving people.  I hope that you are able to work together to get your life back on track.   If nothing else, you can always vent here. 

Best wishes.

nursenoor

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #5 on: July 20, 2009, 08:01:01 PM »
Dear Ruby,

    May God bless you for doing such a selfless deed. I can definitely appreciate the stress that you have being in the sandwich generation. My mother is going through it as well and she depressed from the tiredness, pain, and stress. (She has fibromyalgia). Sometimes I have to blow up her phone line with calls before I get an answer. I know she is depressed so I just try to give her the best support I can and try to get her out of the house to try to focus on other things. My Dad also supports her of course. She is a Hospice Nurse that faces death everyday and lost her Brother last August. Because she was caring for everyone else she was not able to grieve herself, so much has just pilled up. My Grandmother is also bipolar and can love us and "hate us" in the same week. God bless you Ruby and I hope things get better for you.

 Nur

irish

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #6 on: July 20, 2009, 09:24:52 PM »
Ruby, If I was to guess I would say that a person with sjogrens is bound to get depressed being a caregiver. Darn, you are constantly stressed and overtired and your body/brain is telling you so. Depression is the pits.

Have you told your hubby how pooped you are? It really is hard being a caretaker and most of the time it is the wife that does most of the work taking care of the in-laws. Funny how the "child" feels guilty about thinking nursing home and it is the spouse that ends up doing so much of the work.

I know a gal that helped with both her parents and 5 of her hubby's relatives. She ended up with a house full of antiques because the hubby's relatives were all unmarried. I don't know if she thought the antiques were worth all the work though. Sure hope that you get to feeling better now that you are back on the antidepressant. Irish ;D

eyeamdry

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #7 on: July 20, 2009, 10:38:18 PM »
Everyone has mentioned everything "but" the white elephant in the room.  Has putting MIL in nursing facility been discussed?  At 95, this could go on for way longer.  My sister's mother in law is going on 98 and shows no signs of slowing.  She is in assisted care, but still reads, etc. 

No one on the list here mentioned it and I think it's time you and your family discussed it.  What happens if you die and leave your husband with his mother to care for?  Odder things have happened.  Lucy

ruby52

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #8 on: July 21, 2009, 06:15:13 AM »
Oh thank-you lovely people for your support.After posting I felt it was a TMI  kind of post and regretted it but you were all so kind.The med is starting to work but I don't think it's going to change my feeling that I can't do this anymore.My DD has suggested I come visit for an entire week in Sept. and let dad take vacation time to care for grandpa.I'm strongly thinking about it.My DH feels horrible for putting me through this and feels trapped too.His dad could very well live several more yrs.I worked in long term care centers for 15yrs.I think he would do just as well there at this point.It may take me leaving a week for my DH to see how stressful it is.I really need to find out my thyroid levels it's always brought up here and I forget to ask the Dr.I need notes from now on.
I'll be fine this is part of life.Thanks for listening.
                                                                         Ruby

eyeamdry

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #9 on: July 21, 2009, 03:25:05 PM »
Do it, Ruby, do it!  Vacation for a week.  Might change some ideas.  Lucy

missyb

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #10 on: July 22, 2009, 07:55:38 AM »
GO to your daughters! Since you worked in healthc care I know you know that every care giver needs a respite. Take break and re evaluate when you have had some rest.

irish

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #11 on: July 22, 2009, 08:53:48 PM »
Ruby, Go for it!!! Get that suitcase packed and hit the road. Will do your hubby a world of good to be there alone to take care of his dad. It seems that anyone who has worked in long term care gets the priviledge of taking care of grandpa and grandma cause "you know so much more about it than I do" as the dear BIL and SIL say. It is really easy for other relatives to drop the parent on the doorstep of someone else.

You have done your part. You are ill. You need time to take care of you. Remember that your hubby might get sick. As we age we face all these "what ifs" and it is just the pits. Can't remember what it was to be young and care free. All I know is that as a long term care nurse for 25 years I am all for putting relatives in assistive care(worked 5 years there) because there comes a time when it needs to be done. Youo hubby is suffering from terrible guilt I bet when he even thinks of putting his dad in a facility. Let us know how the trip goes. Irish ;D

ruby52

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #12 on: July 23, 2009, 06:09:28 AM »
I'm feeling better and I guess I should just except I need to be on medication for depression longer then I thought.If that's what it takes!My DH booked my ticket to Florida yesterday for a week in Sept.I panicked when he told me lol.It will do me good I know.I think I'm going to look into some places for dad.I know I can't go on doing this much longer.It's the little things that get to you I think.So thanks for your support everybody.
                                                                   Ruby

Scottietottie

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Re: Darn Depression
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2009, 07:21:10 AM »
Hi  :)

It's good to hear you're feeling better. Hopefully you can now look forward to the Sept. break. It really sounds like you could do with a break.

Take care - Scottie  :)
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Never do tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow!