Author Topic: Having a "why me" day...  (Read 3901 times)

tomsmom

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Having a "why me" day...
« on: July 24, 2009, 02:56:58 PM »
I had an military ball to attend this evening with my husband.  I got up this morning feeling optimistic and prayed that I could get through my day with the kids, get my hair and nails done, not feel exhausted and go.  For whatever reason that was not my reality.  I got my hair and nails done but was so exhausted by this afternoon that walking around was an effort.  My husband had to go without me (the event is mandatory for him).  He's so sweet- he told me it was ok and he understood.  But I feel like I let him down.  I've been praying really hard this week to feel good enough-- normal enough-- to go tonight.  I was really excited about going.  I bought a beautiful dress that I'm not going to get to wear tonight.  My husband went out looking so good.  I'm sitting here with my kids, having a "why me" moment, feeling like I'm 80+ (I'm only 29) .  This last year has been a lot of why.
I had my second baby in October.  He's beautiful.  And along with his brother (and dad), the loves of my life.  He was born with a chromosomal defect that, according to doctors is worse than Down Syndrome.  He's had a tough go in life so far with multiple hospitalizations, surgeries, and many not so good prognosis for a long life from every doctor that's had him.  I don't have a fraction wrong with me that he does, yet he smiles all the time.  My oldest was diagnosed with Autism a few months ago and we found out last week that he's got heart abnormalities.  Though my babies are an inspiration, I have my moments where I feel so sorry for myself.  And I'm ashamed of that.
I've been dealing the last few years with Graves Disease.  I thought that was heck.  Then Sjogrens symptoms set in about four months ago.  I ask God why at a time in my life when I need it the most, I don't have the energy of a turtle.  You know that old saying that God doesn't give us more than we can bear?  If that's true He must think I'm Superwoman. 
With all that I have on me I'm doing my best to not stress, eat right, take my meds and trust in God.  I'm not asking for a total cure (though that would be awesome)  Just a long lasting second wind to get the important things taken care of.  I used to look forward to things in a positive way.  Now I just wonder when another shoe is going to drop.  Maybe I should stop with all the why stuff.  I guess some things aren't meant to be understood.  They just are. 
As I say my prayers tonight I'll remember you all.  We all seem to need more help than medicine seems to be able to offer us right now.  Thanks for listening to me feel sorry for myself. 
Danni

DragonflyC

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2009, 03:04:05 PM »
Wow you have a lot on your plate.  I can't offer much other than my admiration.  You are keeping your head and heart in the right places, even if your body doesn't always cooperate.

Best wishes.

dkpowell

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #2 on: July 24, 2009, 03:27:48 PM »
Danni-
so sorry you didn't make it to the ball - how disapointing - new dress and all.
I do know what you mean about wondering why God thinks I can handle all the things that have come my way. All I can tell you is that He is the same God that says you can handle all things through Christ who strengthens you...We do have to learn to let Him have our burdens. It is not easy - and believe me - I don't mean to sound preachy. I have been depressed and down all week - even posted about how overwhelmed I have been feeling. So, I am far from where I need to be.
I heard one pastor teaching on the verse in Phillipians that talks about faith beyond understanding, and he said the meaning of the term 'goes beyond' literally meant 'surpassed' or 'better'. He said that what it was saying is that is better to have faith (whether we undestand what is happening or not) than to understand what is happening. I can't by any means say that I am able to live like that all the time - or even most of the time. I do know that when I can live like that - it is far better than when I have answers. Sometimes, I really don't like the answers, either!
I'll be praying for you, sweetie - we all will.
Debora

lynnmarie219

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #3 on: July 24, 2009, 08:09:07 PM »
((((((((Danni))))))))


I'm sorry that you didn't make it to your special night tonight...but how thoughtful of your husband to understand!

And if it helps you to vent to us here ...by all means...go for it...we all do at some time or another...and this is a great place to do just that because we all understand! 

I also think that we all ask "Why me" when we are going through bad times....I think that is a normal part of the acceptance process and we work our way through it the best way we know how! Its ok! You have a lot on your plate and should be proud of yourself for everything that you do every day to get through your issues as well as those of your family. If you don't take very good care of you....you will not be able to care for your children so its good that you know when you need to rest and slow it down a bit.

Hang in there.....we are here if you need to vent some more!

Hugs to you my friend!

Bernice

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #4 on: July 24, 2009, 10:18:46 PM »
I once heard a pastor tell a story. He had come home, but did not have his key, his wife and baby were sound asleep. He rung the door bell, she did not wake up. He knocked on the door, she did not wake up. He blew the horn of the car that was in the garage, she did not wake up. He tapped on the bedroom window, she did not wake up. He call the house phone, she did not wake up! Well finally she woke up. Once he was in the house he told her all that he had done in an attempt to wake her, he then ask her "just what finally woke you?" Her reply was "I heard the baby cry"

I often think about this story sometimes getting different understandings from it, but what it shows is a mother's love, attentiveness and care for her child. I used to fret over my kids when they were young,( well truth is I still do). I often imagine God's love the same way, He is very attentive to us, only He knows how not to be too overly protective that we can not grow to trust Him, He knows the right measure we each can bear and how much we need to grow!

One thing we can be sure of, as His children He is ALWAYS there watching, He even knows how many hairs are on our heads!

Peace & Be Blessed
Bernice

ohiolady

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #5 on: July 25, 2009, 01:18:46 PM »
Danni,

I think we all have those, why me, moments.  I was so terribly sick with Sjogrens the first year and a half, just started to feel better and my mom was diagnosed with Alzheimers, this is just three years after my brother died of a brain tumor.  Then this last January, I had my left kidney removed due to cancer.  I've had my share of struggling with the why me????  I choose to trust God and believe that He knows best but sometimes I've felt He is out to get me. 

You are facing a lot of heartache with your children.  The best advice I can give is to take it one day at a time and don't think too far ahead. 

Keep the faith!!!

Anna
SJS  Hashimoto's   Mild Raynauds  GERD  Gastroparesis
Restasis, Evoxac, Dexilant,  Domperidone, Zofran and Synthroid. Fish Oil, Vit D and B12  R lipoic acid,  Acetyl L Cartnine, Vitamin B1, and The Perfect Food Green and Fruit supplement

Kidney Cancer Survivor   
Female   Age: 62

Katybarstool

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #6 on: July 25, 2009, 02:56:02 PM »
Dani

I can't add any more wise words to the one our friends have already spoken. But, I can say that you and your hubby and your precious babies will be in my prayers.

God bless.
Kathyx

tomsmom

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #7 on: July 25, 2009, 05:25:10 PM »
Thank you all for your kind words.  Your encouragement and prayers mean so much.  God bless you all!
Danni

Crabcakes

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #8 on: July 26, 2009, 03:02:51 PM »
Danni, My heart goes out to you! Do your best to think positively and not to let the garbage get you down. Things DO get better. I'm old enouhg to know! If you let the stress get to you, it will make your symptoms worse!

Also, don't beat yourself up for feeling sorry for yourself! Feel sorry for yourself, and then move on. Keep looking to your wonderful children for strength. You can do it!

One thing about the term "Why me" has always bothered me, even as a kid. I don't take issue with "Why is this happening", but "Why me", to me, and maybe only to me, and not to pick on you at all -this is my OPINION, not a stab, is like sort of wishing it had hapened to someone else. I mean, "Why me" sound slike "Why  not HER?" or "Why not HIM". I know you did not mean it that way at all, you don't sound like that type of person. Just changing it to "Why did this happen" indicates you are upset that YOU got this, and not ishing it were someone else. I hope I am making myself clear, and not making it look like I am criticizing you. I'm just sayin'!

HUGS to you!

Patze

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #9 on: July 27, 2009, 06:38:27 PM »
Hi Danni,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling miserable!  I can understand where you're coming from with the exhaustion, it can get awful, and then having to be a parent to a couple of small children, whew, I know I couldn't do it (and I was a single parent and the exhaustion then wasn't as bad as it can get now a days)!

Passing you some big ( ( ( ( ( HUGS ) ) ) ) )!  

Take care -

Patze
« Last Edit: July 27, 2009, 06:41:52 PM by Patze »
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missy1306

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #10 on: July 27, 2009, 08:23:27 PM »
Danni, sometimes it truly does seem that when it rains it poors. The limits are so hard to deal with and you have a lot of people needing you right now. try to take care of yourself through all of this.

I just said a prayer for you.

Missy

genko_b

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Re: Having a "why me" day...
« Reply #11 on: July 27, 2009, 08:39:31 PM »
Dear Danni:

You are right - God must think you are superwoman. That is a lot for one person to bear. At least your husband is understanding. What a blessing to have a companion like that. And how fortunate your kids are that of all the parents they could have had, they got the two of you. I'm sure there will be another event you can wear that dress to.

Hopefully you will hit a plateau with the Sjogren's where you can figure out a pace to make it through each day. Sometimes it is just plain impossible, though. We all know because we have all been there. Hang in there - better days will come to give you inspiration for the tough ones.

Genko