We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!

[irish]

Men are not as social as women usually. Maybe if he pretends he is deaf people will not bother him as much. It may be that after you are settled he will not be as against it. There is a couple in the coop where I live and I have known them for 30 years. They lived on the farm and he so did not want to move but she is getting more frail and having trouble walking. He walks about 3 miles a day in the halls here. He rides bike also in summer and was riding up to 5 miles a day until the past year.

Maybe your husband will find things to do. I get so bored at times even though I am not settled...;pictures to hang, papers to sort, etc. Tooday I read a bird magazine and got to thinking that maybe I could go bird watching with binoculars when spring comes. I do get cooped up and this winter is so bad.

Never fear, your hubby will find a truck and helpers by Friday I bet. Have a good day to move and don't either one of you overdo cause it can set back all the other things that need to be done. Old is not fun is it!!!!!! Hugs. Irish

[Carolina]

Hi Irish,

Yes, I hope he will be OK.  He's highly introverted so he does't 'share' his thought process.  I'm highly extraverted so I think if he does't say anything he isn't 'thinking" about anything. That's not true, of course.

On the topic of "Old is not fun":

1.  People get 'old' at different times and in different ways.

2.  There is a huge bias against the old. 

Even when we get old, we are biased against other old people.

I heard my husband tell his sister on the phone: "there are so many old people" where we are going.  My husband will be 80 in May.   If 80 isn't old, what is?

3.  There IS always a point when 'old is no fun', for sure.  Since we both have a host of immune related disorders, our experience of getting old is difficult, Irish.

4.  As I meet people at our new Senior Living Community, I try to see the 'person' behind the wrinkles and grey hair. 

I've met two women who have had strokes but still have mental acuity.   People who've had strokes often speak very softly, so now I wear my hearing aids so I can pay attention to what they're saying.

Last night at dinner we sat with a lawyer, and his wife, a retired journalist and director of communications for our public television station.  The woman that sat next to me, who had had a stroke 10 years ago, is a retired school psychologist.  These are interesting people! 

But my husband just wanted to get away and go home, I could tell.   I hope he makes some friends and find some activities in our new home.  He doesn't have any friends now, but he's always been busy with the house and yard and so lack of friends hasn't been important to him.

We'll see.  This is our newest adventure in a long history of new adventures.  I'm looking forward to it, because I want to make the best of it. 

Regards, Elaine

[Bucky]

So, the new adventure process has begun!!  I'm sure it's nice to just walk in, sit down to eat, and then leave without having to shop, cook, and cleanup after!  I'd be all in for that!!

I'm sorry to hear that this is a difficult transition for your husband.  I think my husband would be in the same boat.  My husband is more of a loner and doesn't join into conversations and interaction with others - I'm the social one and will strike up conversations at the grocery store, etc. 

When you mentioned that your husband was use to being busy with the house and yard - maybe, he could volunteer to help out in the gardens or green space that I'm sure your complex has.   Does your husband have any type of hobbies?

Wishing you both well as you finish up at your current home and make the transition to your new apartment.  Pace yourselves.

Bucky

[irish]

Oh Caroline, You are so right. There are a lot of old people where I live also. My sister is in an assistive living and is also a retired nurse. She sits at lunch with one 60 year old, 2--90 year olds and one 105 year old. They are so crabby and bossy that she is going nuts some days. Life is what it is and there isn't a darned thing we can do about it.

Your table mates sound so interesting. Maybe they could visit my sister some noon. lol Irish

[Bucky]

On plan to put a tall cabinet next to the bathroom sink won't work, due to a light switch on the wall.  So a back up plan is in place.

Would you be able to still put the tall cabinet there but make a cut-out for the light switch??  That might work!

(Seeing that this post is almost a month old, you have probably already made other plans.)

Bucky

[Carolina]

Dear Sjogren's Angels,

We've been moved in for three weeks, and I think I'm beginning to get things better organized.

We have all my Paris son's paintings, so we look like a museum storage area, with paintings leaning against all the walls.  But we'll take the ones we aren't planning to hang here out of their frames and roll them up and send them back to Paris.

And my husband keeps driving over to the house and bringing more of his beloved 'stuff' to our new apartment.  It's a good thing I bought four new storage cabinets!

On another subject, I am seeing that he is truly in the first stage of dementia.  This is very very sad.  No one has discussed it with him yet.  He gets very irritated with things as it is!  I had no idea this would be his future, but it explains his behavior in the past two years or so.

Fortunately our younger son (49 this year, not a baby!) is a psychiatrist, and while is has issues with his father that make him a bit less sympathetic, at least he is HERE, about 15 minutes away from us.

I really like our new Senior Living Community, and have attended several activities and am slowly getting to put names and faces together.

It is so GOOD that we made this move, because of the uncertainty of how my husband's decline will play out.  At least I'm no longer alone and 'trapped' in our old house.  And there is an assisted living facility across the parking lot, with a memory care unit attached, as well.  So I know how where to turn to, if needed!

My son is concerned that my husband is still driving, of course.  But I think we will need medical intervention to manage this issue.  My husband will deny that there is any problem, I am sure.

And so, it is, always something!

Regards,  Elaine

[susanep]

Dear Caroline,
I have been reading through your moving adventure, and your new living place. It sounds wonderful. I am sorry to hear of the potential issues with your dear husband. Your new living arrangement sounds like it is ideal for both of you.

susanep

[Carolina]

Dearest Sjogren's Angels,

Your words mean so very much to me.

I realize that I need to find an on-line support group for families of those with dementia.  I'm am at my wits end, and it will only progress.

I saw my neurologist today, because I've developed a tremor in both hands.  He's tested to see if I have developed toxic levels of Gabapentin because I take so much.  He will try Lyrica if Gabapentin is the problem.

He also tested my ferritin level which hadn't been tested since it was 20 on a scale of 11-200, in 2012.

My ferritin level is 439! 

Well, I will stop the iron supplements for sure!  I wonder what happened?  I did start IVIG in 2013, but IVIG is usually associated with sudden onset of anemia occasionally, not the reverse.

I stumble around in the dark (medically speaking as a Zebra) with a myriad of symptoms and conditions and medications and supplements.....and many doctors.  But I guess that's life, I'm just so aware of the confusing nature of 'how things work', or don't work.

It IS always something!

Regards, Elaine

[irish]

Caroline, I am so glad that you are settling in. It does take a long time doesn't it. There are so many things going on in our lives at this age and we had no idea our lives could be like this. Glad that your organization is improving. Takes time to put things in their place after moving them after all those years!!!

I am so sorry that you hubby is having this dementia.....the worst thing for the elderly with dementia is making big live style changes. It is darn hard on those of us without dementia, too. I'm sure it is frustrating to have him bringing more things home, but I would bet he remembers more of the old stuff and it gives him a feeling of comfort. My hubby was lucky to have passed onto a better world before I made the move to town. He was the lucky one that way...However, I tell the kids the first thing I am going to say when I meet him in Heaven is that it would have helped if he had helped me sort things out.

He dragged his feet cause he didn't want to face the fact that he needed to get these tasks done. Life is just a crock sometimes isn't it. Please know I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Your son will know what kind of doctor your husband should see and when to approach the subject. Good luck hugs. Irish

[jamesalex12]

hey all this is very great to hear ....

[jamesalex12]

very very great to hear ...

[Joe S.]

It is almost a year, "How are you two doing now?"

[Carolina]

Hi, Joe.

The move is everything I hoped for.  I'm off to the pool soon for an small water movement class.  Warm water, bright sun, supportive staff.

I play bridge three nights a week and scrabble three afternoons a week.  And there are socials, trips to art museums and the symphony, as well as much much more.

Lots of food choices at a restaurant style dining room.

https://www.kiscoseniorliving.com/senior-living/nc/cary/woodland-terrace/

We live at Woodland Terrace is Cary, NC.  The link may be taken out since it is a 'sales' sort of link.

Regards, Elaine

[Carebear]

That sounds like an amazing home, Elaine.  It must be so wonderful for you to stay so active and social.