Author Topic: Church Ladies With Typewriters  (Read 1649 times)

lighthouse33

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1170
Church Ladies With Typewriters
« on: July 17, 2013, 01:39:05 PM »
I hope it is okay to post this.  I sure got a lot of laughs out of these.

Church Ladies With Typewriters:

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for the church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

--------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.'The sermon tonight:'Searching for Jesus.'
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
--------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow..
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is heck?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
--------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
--------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered..
--------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
--------------------------
Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday,7PM...The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
--------------------------
And this one just about sums them all up.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Female
Primary Sjogren's, polyneuropathy, endomitriosis, dietary fructose intolerance
Plaquenil, Lyrica, Tramadal, Omeprazole, Fortical, fish oil, flaxseed oil, benefiber, centrum chewable mulitviitamin, caltrate chewable 600 D+minerals, WSN Nerve Support Formula, Align, Biotene Products

Velcro

  • Guest
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2013, 01:47:12 PM »
Ha!  Those are great!  Thanks for the laughs

Carolina

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 5863
  • —if it ain't one thing, it's another." Roseanne R.
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2013, 03:24:46 PM »
Up yours?

That is hysterical.

But I know they're using computers these days.

Hugs

Elaine
Female-Elaine,79-CVID-pSJS-WMD (Eylea) Inter.
Cys-PN-CAD-Osteoarth-SFN-Oral Lichen Planus-SIBO-Act.Purpura-Tinitus-Meniere's-Hearing Loss-Achalasia-Hand Surgeries, UTI's-Braces/Walker-IVIG Gamx-Medrol-Gabapentin-Atenolol-Pilocarpine-LDN-Nasonex-Lipitor-Estrogel-D-Mannose-NAC-Om.3-Methotrexate-Esome

Cassi307

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 743
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2013, 03:58:00 PM »
I laughed myself to tears! I work for a church and help edit the bulletins for Sunday and I will never be able to look at it the same way again!
Sjogren's, seronegative RA,  ckd, hyperparathyroidism, asthma,  osteoporosis,  Meds:  amlodipine, low dose Prednisone, calcium, sodium bicarbonate. Also, multivitamin and B complex

SjoGirl

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2154
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2013, 04:19:41 PM »
 ;D
Raynauds, sero-negative RA, Primary SjS, osteopenia, degenerative disc disease, disc protrusions,stenosis, Carpal tunnel,  poly neuropathy, myoclonus, hiatal hernia, esophagitis, viral infection, Leukopenia. Restasis, Vitamin D, B12, Evoxac, Lanzoprezole, calcium acetaminophen.

jpd54

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 445
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #5 on: July 18, 2013, 10:34:01 AM »
Thanks so much for that.  It made my day.  I remember those days of typewriters and church bulletins with fondness.  It was always interesting to read and see what was wrong.

                    jpd
SJS, Fibro, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, GERD, Rosacea, TMJ

Celebrex, Gabapentin, Lasix, Potassium,Hydroxychloroquine, Lexapro, Lisinopril / Hydrochlorothiazide, Linzess, Metoclopram, Nexium, Oracea, Savella, Simvastatin, Vitamin D, Voltaren

mebog

  • Guest
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #6 on: July 21, 2013, 12:01:17 PM »

  Reading That was FUN, I laughed so hard i had a coughing fit, but it was worth it.


      Thanks mebog

Ark mom

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 613
Re: Church Ladies With Typewriters
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2013, 06:07:50 PM »
Thanks for the laugh!
41 yo with Sjogren's (sero-neg), FMS & sub-clinical Graves; Plaquenil, Evoxac, prednisone, Restasis, Cellcept, gabapentin, duloxetine