Author Topic: Family sucks  (Read 3087 times)

ashewoman

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Family sucks
« on: December 17, 2012, 04:30:26 PM »
 :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( I'm trying to make peace with it.  My Nana died last week and my family and I are so distant due to their lack of compassion for my health problems and general ignorance concerning my condition that no one bothered to tell me until she had been buried for a few days.  It hurt. 

It hurt a lot.  And I feel like this emotional wound is what triggered my latest flare up.  I'm trying to grieve the best I can.  ANd I even feel a little guilty because I could not have attended the funeral but to not even be informed feels terrible. 

I bought one of those saint candles and its been burning in my window for her for the better part of two days... I told myself I get until the candle is done to feel crappy about this and then I need to move into remembering what I loved about Nana not how upsetting this "oversight" on the part of my family was.  Worst of all we hadn't been very close for a very long time and now I realize that rift will never be healed because time ran out.  So a lot of stress :-\ a lot of guilt  :'( a lot of sadness :( and a lot of anger  >:( and it is no wonder I haven't been over the last wave of Sjogrens for a full seven days before I get tsunami-ed with another one. GG

Sleepy In Seattle

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2012, 05:13:03 PM »
 :-\ ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
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lynnmarie219

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2012, 05:55:46 PM »
I'm sorry to hear this! It was not fair of them to exclude you from your nana's funeral. I can certainly understand your feelings of hurt and anger.

Allow yourself the time you need to grieve...you will heal when the time is right, and then you can hold dear the special and fun memories that you two shared together.

Thinking of you....

ashewoman

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #3 on: December 19, 2012, 03:50:59 AM »
Well if Sleeping was an Olympic event I'd have a gold medal in it.  I think I was down for 24 hours folks.  Or close to it.  Of course sometimes I go for days without doing it when I'm hurting so... but I do feel slightly better now... just really stiff from being zonked out in the same position that long.  :) GG

Scottietottie

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #4 on: December 19, 2012, 08:12:14 AM »
I understand why you are hurt and angry too. (((((hugs)))))
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Meld256

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #5 on: December 21, 2012, 12:46:33 AM »
I understand, too, and I'm so sorry to hear this happened, ashewoman. 

Remember we are thinking of you and I hope this last flare won't last too long.
Hugs to you,
Melinda

ashewoman

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #6 on: December 21, 2012, 04:49:01 AM »
Thanks for all your support.  It's snowing lightly outside.  Normally I celebrate Yule on the solstice which is today for my holiday.  When Vivien was still here, we had The Four Days of Xmas for our holiday tradition beginning on Yule thru Xmas day when Santa came.  I'm really missing her fiercely today too.  But I'm trying not to dwell so some friends are coming and we are driving over to Mt. Mitchell after the feast.  I'm so glad they are going with me.  I wasn't sure what their plans were and that's going to make it slightly easier than doing it alone.  But at least you can drive to the top of Mt. Mitchell so no need to hike but I finally broke down and bought a cane to help with the unsteadiness. It'll be better when the mobility trained dog comes and perhaps I won't need a cane then but this isn't the first time I've had to use one and every time I've been able to toss it again at some point.  I may stop actually throwing them away.  HA HA!  Since its getting to be a regular event every few years now.  LOL  Its not like they wear out just my patience with being a young person and a crip wears out. But I'm not actually a young person anymore.  HA HA!  Just not an old person yet unless you ask young people.  Hee hee!  It's been a really strange day emotionally already, and its still very early.  Normally, I wouldn't push my body in the middle of a flare up to take an hour car trip one way or walk around on a mountain or even cook a mini-feast but I have burst into tears twice already what with Nana dying, missing my child, the holidays, and of course waiting for the zombies to come eat my brains so I need some sort of little pick-me-up and this excursion fits the bill.  Plus Molly will naturally come along for doggy support so even though I don't feel like it I feel like I must or fall completely apart alone.  Therefore I'm going to push and normally I wouldn't advise anyone to do that... but I figure I can sit here alone feeling like crud and eat a whole ham... not a good idea... or I can go with some friends and try to forget about family for a while.  Besides, I'll hurt the same amount either place.  :D  ANd I can sleep the other three days of Xmas until my friends party on Xmas day. ;) GG

slccom

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #7 on: December 21, 2012, 11:46:49 PM »
I like to think that once they pass, our loved ones can finally see what we are going through. Even if you and your Nana were somewhat estranged, you still love her and she still loves you. While your daughter can't be with you, you have friends and your dog. And us!

Cry all you need to; it is healing.

Hugs, Sharon

ashewoman

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2012, 02:02:54 PM »
TY Sharon!  GG

Meld256

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2012, 07:35:20 AM »
I'm glad you got with your friends; it sure helps sometimes just to get out with others, doesn't it?  Sounds a lot more fun than eating ham alone.  ;)

Just my personal belief, but I think your Nana must understand your situation. She knows you love her and she must be watching over you.  Please try not to feel guilty about something that was none of your fault. 
You've been going through a hard time.  Be kind and patient with yourself and know that we care.

Hugs,
Melinda

susanep

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Re: Family sucks
« Reply #10 on: December 27, 2012, 04:56:44 PM »
I am sorry for all you are going through, and I understand. I kept working to get things done to have for family, and it finally done me in until on Christmas Day I couldn't do anything, but collapse, and it was my husband's birthday.

He understood, but I have always done special things for him on that day. The rest of my family doesn't understand.

susanep :)
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