Teenager woes

[Winnie]

I am new to the teenager woes.  I have a 14 year old son who says the sun is green if I say it is yellow.  He is tall, on the heavy side, has a few close friends, procrastinator, prefers to stay home with mom and dad.....

With a chronic illness, I try to help him get the most enjoyment out of life, but he is not interested in what I have to say.  I want him to take pride in his looks but prefers to be stinky, not getting on a consistent schedule of brushing teeth, washing face, exercising etc without being told. 

He does not want to go to college and wants to be a mechanic which is ok with me, but he is intelligent enough to go to college and be a vet (he loves animals).

He needs glasses.  We have looked and basicly he has told me that we can get them but he is not wearing them.  So he picks up the first wire pair and says "thats good!"  What should I do and how do not make him feel inferior?

Where did my little boy go that used to love to be held and chew on my shoulder?

Winnie

[Gayle]

Hi Winnie,

He was replaced by hormones...    I understand!!! The sky became blue again once my daughter was about 20. It is hard to go from being the smartest person around to the dumbest but the smartest one will reappear!

   I want to say this is a phase but caution stops me until you speak with the school, are there problems? Talk to counselors, admin staff and teachers, bus driver. Are his friends the same way? Is he being bullied? Are there drug issues with friends? ETC,,, If all comes back clean, there is not much there then proceed to know it is maybe hormones... and they settle down too. Always be alert to more changes. Maybe he needs to speak with a counselor.

Also, maybe he could volunteer at the humane society, a vet office, etc and this might prompt him to go to college.

OR... maybe he needs to save his money and buy a junk he can rebuild.

Sorry for what your going thru, I doooooo understand. Hope he settles down soon.
Hugs,

Gayle

[iraisin]

I went thru that with 2 boys. My x died when they were 11 and 12 - very risky age. And they went to the darkside. I have one boy that almost died at 6 mo. old and developed a slight learning disability.

So, based on all the heck I went thru, I can say this. If he is wanting to stay home more often, THAT IS GOOD! It's better for him to be influenced by you at this hormonal (depressed) stage than by the bad kids - who will accept him a lot more quickly than the "preppy" ones.

The bathing, smelling thing - at least one of mine went thru that. He is no longer like that - changed around 20 yrs.

My youngest one went to vocational school (aircraft mechanic) and regrets not going for his engineering degree.

I took mine to a psychologist for a while after their father died. I don't know if it helped, but I'm sure there were seeds planted by him that they took with them.

I know you feel fatigued, and I know the days will be hard, but you must fight this fight for him. Both of mine were arrested for drug related charges - they got caught up with all the drama and it got really bad. At least you have your husband to help.

Get out with him, do things fun, train his endorphins toward happiness. Offer him money to do things around the house, increase his selfworth. As soon as he's able, get him a part-time job so that he gets more of that sense of responsibility and reward (the manager of the establishment will really matter, so if you start hearing him complain about a critical manager - this will be bad - get him out of there).

PM me anytime. I've been thru true heartbreaking heck with this, and know MOST of the signs.

Good luck, stay strong, and discipline with much love and thought. Boys are more fragile than we women tend to think.

[Joe S.]

Things will change when he starts paying attention to girls in a year or two.

I hope he does not do what I did; drive cars on two wheels, jump motorcycles of cliffs, etc. Being a Tech Geek I spent an abnormal amount of time in front of a computer terminal or a TV. It was my second career. My first was electronics.

He may enjoy Lego or First Robotic contests through the schools. The schools may programming classes or game programming classes. You know what your he likes better than I do. With my grandsons we did a week of pretend knights of valor.

[Pisces24]

Have you checked to see if he has any depression. That could cause losing interest in stuff.

Also, he might look at volunteer stuff for the future summers. No pay but lots of real life experience.

[Winnie]

I believe my oldest is taking the same path as my husband did.  He is a little replica in every way.  I am positive there is no drugs involved.  He just seems to be on the lazy side but when I talk to the teachers about him, they always think and say highly of him in every way.  So the behavior, besides slip ups on studying is just a home thing.  I just wish he could have that sparkle in his eyes more often.  He seems to be very comfy with his life but I wish he would be more out going and make more friends. 

I did ask him if he would be interested in volunteering at the animal shelter next summer and he was all for that.  He has wanted to go and see the animals but I didn't get that done yet. 

This fall he decided not to play football or basketball.  He has played basketball with the local church but has not made the public school team for the past two years which is very sad for both of us.  He is just an "average" player and those kids, although often more reliable, don't get to play.  He does shine at baseball but can not find a fall league for him to play in.

I have been applying more of my teacher skills on him and been praising him for every little thing that he does and this is helping.  It is just a difficult thing to remember to do.  Unfortunately, complaining comes more easily.  I guess I have this fear that he is going to live with us forever and never find happiness.

Thanks for all of your suggestions. 

Winnie

[slccom]

And no, it isn't legal to bury them when they get like that and dig them up when they are 20. Tempting, though!

Sharon, with teenaged dogs...

[Gayle]

Sharon!!! ROFLMAO!!!! I think it should be... something we could ask for!