Author Topic: Been a while.. In need of a good cyber cry... (graffic troubles so avoid is sad)  (Read 3586 times)


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Hello Sjogrens Family.... My last post here had encouraged me to seek therapy due to life stresses making my SJ worse... Her #1 issue.. Get off the websites.. So in an effort to give therapy a good try.. I stalked instead of posting..

But tonight my heart is so heavy I just had to post something... Two weeks ago my son, wife and grandbabies move out after living with us for almost 5 years.. ok so they moved 3 houses down from me.. But my 3 year old grandson often snuggled with me when the pain was to much to bare and every morning he would sing me the 'wake up song'.. If the pain of missing my family with a night shift working husband wasn't bad enough.. My husbands brother passed suddenly the day before his retirement party on Thursday..

Then horrors of all horrors.. My daughter in law is like my own daughter.. She was abandoned at 3 with her twin brother to bounce between family members.. When she came into our life she was home.. and the daughter I never had ( i have 3 sons).. So we are really close..

Friday she got a call that her brother was DX with double pneumonia and in the hospital getting it treated. Was told it was no big deal not to worry. She stayed with him all day and I guess the breathing got so bad they put him in a coma and intubated him to help him heal faster. Sunday as my husband and I were preparing to got to his brothers viewing, my son called in a panic and said "come mom I need you, her brother just died'... At 27 a blood clot develped in his lung and while draining fluid from from his lungs they disloged the clot ripping the lung and he drowned...

He was all she had left of blood family in her life, other than his girlfriend. My husband stayed with my son and grand babies as I rushed her to the hospital for a final goodbye.. My DIL also lost a baby at 3 mos old 5 years ago too.. how much loss can a person take.. Because I am still a LIC Minister I was connected with the chaplin for all paperwork and grieving questions.. There is a moment of helplessness you can not discribe as someone is begging you to do something.. and there is nothing you can do to change anything..."

 Then the reality sets in.. The 3 and 1 year old have been living with us because her grief is so deep.. We drained our rainy day fund to help them move and cover their lost wages during the grief process. And they have till Friday to come up with enough money to transfer the body to a funeral home or the state claims the body. She had set up a donation page connected to her facebook and her 16 thousand friends.. 1900 for just cremation.. and 16 thousand FB friends have given 200.. Mercy everyone could have given a dollar and she could have been good...

We don't know what to do.. We are helpless.. Rent is due and did I mention they moved 3 doors down because our LandLord owns the home and gave us a good deal.. (we live on a ranch and on a peice of property next to ours is a double wide on 5 acrs.)  So 1 month into renting and they want to use their rent money for the funeral.. Ugg.. so much to say.. so many worries on my mommy heart...

Th 1 year old don't sleep through the night and gets up at 6am, the 3yr old wants his bed in his old room.. I am so tired I am wired.. and at the end of this nightmare I venture a guess that the let up of symptoms I have had will surface once again...
 I didn't get to attend my brother in laws funeral.. and on top of it all.. They have asked my hubby to hold the memorial service..
So he hasn't even excepted his loss....

Well so sorry to vent so much.. but i needed to vent so i can take care of my grandbabies.. please pray that the donations improve so my children can cremate her brother... I am just overwhelmed her extended family hasn't done more.. but I understand they are older and havent seen the kids in a few years...
Blessings.. Kerry


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Hi Kerry,

Welcome back. I am truly sorry you and your family are having such an awful time. Life certainly isn't fair. Your granchildren are lucky they have you so close because I am sure you will see them through the traumatic time their Mom is going through right now. Who do you have to see you through the trauma though? You have a lot on your plate coping with loss all round - and illness on top.

Moneywise I don't know what to suggest. I hope others are more help.

Please come and vent any time you feel like it. Just typing it 'out loud' may relieve a little stress.

((((( K ))))))

Take care - Scottie   (our home page)   (find our chat times here!)  (way to chat + nickname and #Sjogrensworld)

Never do tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow!


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I am so sorry, for all of it. You sound like an excellent mother and MIL, with a wonderful, loving heart.

Check out

It may take a while, but could help with the finances.

May God bless you and carry you and yours.


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You have so much on your plate, you must feel that his is never ending. Like Scottie, I don't know what to say, other than, know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.



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Please have your son get in touch with the state which handles funeral donations.  If a person dies and is indigent, the state will usually pay the minimum to have the person cremated.  If the person is destitute, they are usually grateful for this help and can have a grave-side service now or sometime later  Good luck and get in contact with social services.  Lucy