Author Topic: Wiped out...  (Read 10760 times)

quietdynamics

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Wiped out...
« on: July 17, 2012, 11:33:44 AM »
I want to go sit by the river and watch the evening sun turn the sky so many brilliant colors of orange and yellows...deepening  into shades of reds. The water creates gentle patterns, some swirls, some swiggles, ever changing, soothing. I used to have lunch by the river when I worked. Other times there is a small dam I would visit and feel the spray on my face and breathe the mist. The sound so relaxing. Sunlight creating little rainbows...tickling the joyful child within me.

I thought about the river as I left the therapist yesterday. I realized I have not had quality "me" time in the years: I planned to take my camera to the river in the evening.

My therapist has added a med for anxiety. Hopefully, it will help will the domino effect that wipes me out: headache ---> IBS, etc.

Mom is not doing well. She was hallucinating,walking in sleep, slurred speech, unstable. Drove down, took notes, got Mom to Dr.
Ambien can cause hallucinations and walking in sleep...she had already fallen @ 82yrs. (tripped over Max, the Lab retriever)

Thanks to everyone here I did ask Dr. to check her D3 and B12...low; so I will pick them up on my way down. Shots would have required office visits everyday. Her brain MRI came back great. She does have Gallstones...so "out with them". Mom kept her pain to herself and of course thought it was cancer (for months).

I called Mom this morning she does not sound good. I think she is not getting the sleep she needs. So I will call the Dr. in the morning and stay with Mom for a few days. She is just over an hour away. Her house will hopefully go on the market in September and she will move closer to us. Usually she would argue for me not to drive down...but she didn't this morning...so she must be really not feeling well.

But, it is funny how a "bad" thing, this illness, has given me the time to be there for my Mother.
It is strange how reading a forum has given me information to know how to research and ask questions to help her...thank you.

So I had my own Clavicle MRI (tech said he took extra pictures? ), new Dr on the 27th, new glasses, anxiety med and looking into John Hopkins.

Well, headache is rising so I'll go throw so things in my overnight bag. And wish everyone well. And I will pack my Camera...lol. Maybe I can get my Mom to take a ride with Max to the beach if she feel up to it in a few days.


« Last Edit: July 17, 2012, 11:50:17 AM by quietdynamics »
Sjogrens ANA 1:640; SS-A/B+; Fibro; IBS; Neuro symptoms,Thyroid Anti-bodies; Ocular Rosacea, Livedo reticularis,

"You can't have a positive life with a  negative mind"

quietdynamics

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2012, 11:48:22 AM »

Forgot to say that a large part of my conversation with my therapist was my frustration with treatment, feeling that my body is dissected according to specialty and given drugs, when I am not sure if the symptoms are drug related to begin with.

So I have already cut plaquinel in half and am going to stop it in the hope that the ringing in my ears will stop and perhaps the sensitivity to light, etc.

The fact is that since being Dx'd and starting plaquinel I have more and more problems. Thus, my frustration.

So either it does not work for me or it has side effects for me. My therapist stated "I am the one who knows my body best, go with your gut instinct".
Sjogrens ANA 1:640; SS-A/B+; Fibro; IBS; Neuro symptoms,Thyroid Anti-bodies; Ocular Rosacea, Livedo reticularis,

"You can't have a positive life with a  negative mind"

slccom

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2012, 11:59:14 AM »
May you have some good times with your mother, find answers and feel peace!
Hugs, Sharon

susanep

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #3 on: July 17, 2012, 01:03:05 PM »
God Bless you and your precious mom.

susanep :)
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quietdynamics

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #4 on: July 17, 2012, 01:12:03 PM »
Thank you Sharon,

It is better for me, less stressful when I get there.

The situation with my Mom is wrong on a lot of levels. Is is just my brother and I. My brother had ITP and so I was basically pushed aside,with relatives for years. Mom had to be at the hospital giving blood after work (single mom back in the 60's...it was really difficult and not very much was known..brother is in the medical archives). He has not spoken to her since Dad died 4/ 11.. not even a Mothers' Day Card. I called last night as Moms' B'day is 8/1 and her Gallstones, and overall decline. I spoke to his wife and heard a bunch of garbage ...how far they live...an hour the same as me. He hasn't returned my call. I am going to send a card and then be done with it.  Just so wrong.

My brother and I will inherit a lot of money...I tell my mother to spend it.

I am not a mean person...so it shakes my soul.

I am fortunate to have my therapist...she knows me. The anxiety script has been sitting for a while. So I will pick it up now. Packed and ready to go. Last visit Wednesday Mom had to fast...so I took a small Strawberry Cheesecake so she could start off right...lol  ;)
Sjogrens ANA 1:640; SS-A/B+; Fibro; IBS; Neuro symptoms,Thyroid Anti-bodies; Ocular Rosacea, Livedo reticularis,

"You can't have a positive life with a  negative mind"

Cricket

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #5 on: July 17, 2012, 01:19:26 PM »
Have a great visit with your mom, you will never regret it!
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Dolly Dimples

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #6 on: July 17, 2012, 01:53:10 PM »
  For a moment or two, I was right there by that river with you girl,  back to reality now!
    Shame on your brother at this time in his Mums life, he should learn to forgive and forget,
          but at least you tried.  Have a safe journey and make the most of it.
                               Take care, Dolly x

sjenny

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #7 on: July 17, 2012, 02:23:09 PM »
What a beautiful lyrical description of the river, reading it brought peace to my soul.  Gentle hugs and prayers for you and your mother!

Bucky

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #8 on: July 17, 2012, 02:45:24 PM »
Perhaps you could talk mom into going to some nearby river or water to just sit and relax and hear the water too - it might do both of you good.

That would be a great one-on-one time with mom.  Ask her about her younger years and let her reminisce in her childhood or when she was a young adult.

It seems as we all get older we spend a lot of our time going to doctors, and tending to all our medical needs.  Once in a while it's nice to forget about all that.  A trip down memory lane and a change of scenery can make all the difference.   :D

(I too had a brother that never came and spent time with mom - or only came around when he "needed or wanted" something.  You know, he's the one who is going to have to answer for what he did and didn't do in his life.  For yourself, at least you will have no regrets - and that's a wonderful feeling!!)

Enjoy your visit.

Bucky
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sass

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #9 on: July 17, 2012, 02:55:26 PM »
ohhhh, sweet woman of beauty and grace..Your description had us all sitting there on the bank with those wonderful colors washing over us with the warmth flooding my face and soul.  well, I actually still feel it!

But it is what is inside you that is the real qualities that most do not ever get to experience knowing..Thank you for allowing us in there.  I know what walls of stone you must have had to remove to allow a peak into your emotions.

My sister and I have the relationship as you and your brother...But Dad lives with me.  I do not have to go into the details to tell you, I too am wiped out and I feel your pain and your joy...Without the blessing of being ill, I would be sacrificing this time with my Father..and still it is not enough.  He is 85 and today i saw his exhaustion fall across his face, as a shadow would upon a wall.  It is heart breaking to see and recognize it..

You are a beacon to your mother, regardless of anything else in her or your life!!

 You take her to the water. with your camera, and a recorder  or pen and pad.  Ask her to tell you what she sees in the sky and water...it will be what you remember the most.  These days of what should be, what was told would be, the days of Gold will be there- to whisper reminders of who we are...

I hope and wish for you, some rest and peace with your visit!!  My Prayers for Your Mom and You and Max!!!!      ~sass~

iraisin

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #10 on: July 17, 2012, 04:13:42 PM »
mmmmmmm. thank you.

Have a blissful, beautiful time. Absorb it all like a dry sponge sweet lady.

jazzlover

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #11 on: July 17, 2012, 05:28:32 PM »

But, it is funny how a "bad" thing, this illness, has given me the time to be there for my Mother.

-
Same thing happened to me. I had 7 (mostly) wonderful years overseeing my mother's care in an assisted living center. I was already disabled, so had time to do this. Fortunately I was not as sick as I am now. I took her to local live shows and other tourist attractions. It was great!

Those memories are precious to me.

PS... Suggestion... record memories she has. You will be grateful to hear her voice once she passes on. I wish I had done more. I have a recording of how she went by train from TX to NY to marry my dad when he was in training to go overseas to WWII. Pretty special story.
« Last Edit: July 17, 2012, 05:31:05 PM by jazzlover »
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eyeamdry

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #12 on: July 17, 2012, 08:59:30 PM »
To everyone who still has parents living, please talk to them and get the history--as someone above said.  I know so little of my forefathers (and foremothers-such a word?) that it's sad.  I only had one grandmother and she died when I was 7.  We didn't visit her much so I have few memories of her. 

My father died when I was 15, so there wasn't much history there.  When you're a teenager, you just don't think of things like that of course.  My mother passed when I was 25 and I have fairly good history of her family and background.  Recently, as our family is aging, my cousins have begun to pass on and I've lost two of three siblings recently.  So, please talk to your grandparents if they are alive, or your parents.  I know it can be difficult if they don't want to talk, can't converse etc, but get what you can and write it down for your kids and grandkids.  Lucy

quietdynamics

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #13 on: July 23, 2012, 08:59:21 AM »
Hard to believe almost a week has passed. 

Mom figured since she got her blood results on the phone she did not need to keep the appt on the 19th...LOL. Dr. added anti-depressant, along with Vit D3 and Sub-lingual B12. I added Melatonin and happily the assistant gushed about how she loves it! Dr. told Mom to sit outside for sunlight and I had a chat with Mom about siting in her "dark" bedroom watching TV. She has a wonderful greatroom with sunlights (with films). The weather was hot and humid, but I did score apricots. Made Mom a light ratatouille and a hamburger for dinner.  Mom does not look her age and gets hit on when grocery shopping...wish she had a friend.

I got lost in the downpour trying to find Target for Moms' script. Since I was there I picked up LED night lights so now her open concept hallway looks like a flight pattern  :)

Mom is talking more openly about our trip to look at a lake community to move to and hopefully buy one house not two... we will see.

Friday I crashed @ 5:30 and slept until 3:30am Sat, let Max out and woke again at 9am...must have been all that Dr. Phil, the Waltons, ....but, I did like "Wind at My Back and Bally Kiss Angel"etc. Drove home at noon on auto-pilot and crashed for the rest of the day and into Sun.

Not sure if I will drive back down tonight or in the morning for Moms' appt re: gallstones and procedure. Probably tonight. Hubby has his appt tomorrow, otherwise he would go with me; and I had an appt with a new Dr. on the 27th.

Still haven't gotten my glasses for driving...so just using my prescription sunglasses that are old and can only drive in the daytime.  And I haven't gotten my list together for the new Dr.   And where is my daughter???? And our driving lessons???  It is our hot babes time!!!
Sjogrens ANA 1:640; SS-A/B+; Fibro; IBS; Neuro symptoms,Thyroid Anti-bodies; Ocular Rosacea, Livedo reticularis,

"You can't have a positive life with a  negative mind"

iraisin

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Re: Wiped out...
« Reply #14 on: July 23, 2012, 09:56:23 AM »
It sounds like you had a really nice trip. I can tell you love your mother so deeply, it is beautiful and soothing to read.

I am happy for you.