Author Topic: I feel awful  (Read 2832 times)

WildThing

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I feel awful
« on: March 29, 2012, 05:24:00 AM »
Guys

I'm sat here at my computer feeling like s****.  It's 1.16pm here in the UK and I woke up about 2 hours ago.  I am still tired even after a high caffeine energy drink.  I don't know if it is the anaemia or the SS or both or what.  I had a long day yesterday, up at 7.30am which is unusual for me and went to the docs for a bloodtest.  Then I spent all morning and most part of the afternoon walking around town doing various errands and I think I might have overstretched myself a little.  I felt fine yesterday but i think it might be hitting me today.  Plus on top of all this and not having enough money to go and see my orthopedic surgeon about my foot I've had memories of abuse come back to me recently and have been having to deal with that.  It's been really horrible I've had to take Valium to sleep.  This on top of having OCD.  I got a counsellor but she doesn't seem to understand how this has effected me as lovely a person as she is.  Sorry to moan but I just had to come out with it I've been holding it in for so long.  I got loads of housework to do and get mad a myself for not feeling up to doing it but I really feel beat.

MissyLouWho?

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2012, 08:04:55 AM »
I think you need a new counselor and lots more rest.  You sound like me when I overdo it.  The next day is always worse.  The only thing that works for me is rest.  Sometimes it will take 2-3 days to bounce back.

As far as the abuse memories go, it will tire you more as your mind works through them and processes them.  And I'm sorry but your counselor is WRONG.  They WILL affect you forever, but the worst is while you process them.  I have been seeing someone for intense abuse throughout my childhood, and I have no memory of just about anything.  Blocking it out is my way of "dealing" with it.  When I have a memory or even a spark of one, it hits me hard.  Not only do I go through it all over again, but some things that I didn't realize WERE abuse, register as abuse now that I am an adult and know what to look for.  Then I have to ask my mom and sister about things that I think I might remember and they hurt all over again too  :(.  My neurologist told me when all this hit that I am suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and that while I can develop coping strategies to deal with the pain it causes me now, it will forever affect me and will never go away.  The key is to develop healthy coping strategies to 'file them away in the drawer marked DONE'.  They will always be in that drawer in my mind, but they will no longer hurt me.  And developing a good sense of self esteem and inner strength works wonders for dealing with those issues.  Feeling in control helps you to think clearly and reprocess those memories.  That's the key~ reprocess when you feel in control. 

I am sorry you are having a rough time.  I send you hugs and spoons  :) :) :)

mshistory

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2012, 08:10:29 AM »
I completely agree - you need a new psychologist that can offer you more help.

I can't be certain of this, but I'm currently in a really bad flare, and I think it started because I spent last Saturday doing volunteer work instead of taking the day to rest at home like I usually do. I work part-time and have two young kids, so I usually use the weekends to relax a bit. By Saturday night, my joints - especially in my legs - were hurting really badly and things have only gotten worse all week. It may be a good idea to put a call in to your doctor in case you start flaring badly too.

I hope you feel better soon.
SLE and SjS with PN. ANA >1:1280 speckled,
SS-A >8.0, RF positive. Botox for migraines, Clonazepam, Zoloft, Imitrex for migraines, CellCept 1000 mg, Plaquenil 200 mg, Restasis, Zofran for nausea, Gabapentin, Evoxac and Norco for pain.

Suzie

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #3 on: March 29, 2012, 01:40:34 PM »
Oh, I really feel for you Wild Thing. My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourself. We all spend far too much time beating ourselves up for things we wish we could do, think we should do, or want to do but can't. You're doing your best, but you need and deserve proper help to cope with your trauma. Push for it, take care of you.

HUGS

Patze

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #4 on: March 29, 2012, 07:53:00 PM »
Sending you some seriously soft and warm

( ( ( H U G S ) ) )


Patze
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Luna

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #5 on: March 29, 2012, 08:10:21 PM »
sending you a big Hug

Luna

WildThing

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Re: I feel awful
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2012, 04:37:39 AM »
Thanks for the support guys and yes am currently on the look out for a new counsellor enough is enough now.  The other lady is really nice, I think we'd be good friends but she's not a great counsellor and a counsellor is what I need right now.  Miss Lucy:  very sorry to hear you have been through the mill as well.  I have known I was psychologically, emotionally abused and neglected for some years now and have woked through most of it but now suddenly memories of sexual abuse are coming back to me.  Just when I thought I was on the stright and narrow.  Reading about it though is helping as so many things aout me and the way I have been effected are falling into place and making sense now.  My whole entire family have been the perpertrators of the abuse in some way, some more tha others apart from one Uncle he is the only family member I trust and hwo cares.  I deveoped Borderlien Personality Disroder as a result of it all but overcame that then developed OCD out of the blue nad now, coz of the new memories I know why.

I really need to keep remembering the spoons as well.  I just sometimes forget I'm sick.  It's so easy if you are having a good day to pretnd it will always be like that but you sure as heck pay for overdoing it.