Author Topic: please pray for me.. It's been a while..  (Read 4798 times)

12lovehim

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please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« on: December 29, 2011, 11:37:49 AM »
Hello Board.. It's been so long since I posted.. I have been ill and injured... But things are happening at a crazy rate that my body and brain fog can't keep up..
After the flair of a lifetime after a minor procedure, I injured my back (thank you pred numbness)... My home fell apart. Our truck caught fire, so trash runs became impossible.. After begging my family please rent a truck find a friend anything the trash is crazy.. Everyone was "doing other things"... My hubby was always busy with other things.. Well we don't own our property we care take! and for the first time in 8 years the owner came to see our mess.. Even after the Barn tare down of the summer we had the leftovers still piled up...
Well injured, ill I am most likely facing packing up a home and moving.. and we don't have any money... (and well we had the best rental price around.. and can't even afford an apartment) My heart has not stopped pounding in 3 days.. My hubby has fallen into a deep dark depression and my fear is I am joining him... My children have left the realm of sanity too.. blaming me for not doing something.. Cuz we are all about to be homeless...

There is no reason for any of this... and I fear where my thoughts go now a days.. I have no life, just a room i sit in.. I miss life and flowers and gardens, shopping and church... My hubby actually talked about divorce the other day... In the course of 1 year my life has fallen apart to grand perportions...

Well before the vent goes to south.. I will take leave... always... Kerry


p.s. also a friend came over for a birthday party day before christmas.. left our home, rented a hotel room and killed themself.. (his party too.. his birthday...) My heart is so heavy! I almost can't stand it..
« Last Edit: December 29, 2011, 11:43:02 AM by 12lovehim »

Meld256

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #1 on: December 29, 2011, 12:18:13 PM »
Dear Kerry,

As I read your post, my heart breaks for you.  I've wondered about you, and now I know you have gone through more in a short time than many of us endure in a lifetime.

It seems sometimes that we are challenged to what seems our breaking point.  I have not gone through what you have, but I can relate.  I won't go into details because this is not about me, but we had the year 2005 I've dubbed "the Year from H**#."  I've also been there where I didn't know where I would live with no money, and family expecting me to "fix it."

On top of all the other issues, you are dealing with your friend ending their life.  How traumatic for you all!

It seems that when so much trouble is happening, emotions run high. It might be human nature to blame SOMEONE, because it all makes no sense whatsoever.  Our depression can take over.

Is there any source of help there in your community?  Financial and/or free counseling you could enlist?  Perhaps there is some resource to help you with finding a place to live.  My heart also breaks for your husband and sons.  Is there any way to "band together" a bit to find help?

Please, please know that you are not alone. There is hope in the darkest days even though it can be very hard to see.  We are all with you.  ;)
Melinda

Katybarstool

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #2 on: December 29, 2011, 01:15:31 PM »
Kerry

My heart goes out to you. Why does everything always happen at once? I'm not surprised you are feeling so bad.

You mention that you miss church. I know it's a small comfort, but may be there is something the church can do to help you out?

Meld is right, you can always come here and talk to your friends. Although we can't help you in a material way, know that we care.

Hugs
Kathyx

Jorja

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #3 on: December 29, 2011, 02:15:32 PM »
Bless your heart Kerry.  It sounds like you have had more than your fair share lately.  I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you. 

Jorja

Narablueeyes

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #4 on: December 29, 2011, 02:38:34 PM »
I read a quote this morning on my twitter account by Lisa Rinna:

"when life doesn't work out the way you wish, just remember, things fall apart so better things can fall together."

I have been screaming that to myself all day.  It's just been one of those days - NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH KERRY!!

But it touched my soul and thought it might help scratch the surface.  Maybe you've hit rock bottom and now the only way you have left to go is UP!!

My meditation tonight is that we all go sky-freakin'-high!!!   :)

reallyneedsanap

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #5 on: December 30, 2011, 07:32:06 AM »
Kerry,
I know it is little comfort, but having gone through several very trying times in my life, I can tell you that this too, shall pass.  Hang on for dear life.  I am so worried about you, not only because things are so difficult for you now, but also because of your friend's suicide. 
Leave the trash with the house.  Think of it as walking away to a new beginning.  The landlord is probably keeping all of your deposit anyway.  They will hire someone to come and get it.  If you don't feel comfortable doing that (and I normally would never suggest such a thing, but if you are too sick and tired to go to church, then you must accept that you cannot possibly do anything else) then maybe you could hire someone to come and take everything once you have moved out anything you want to keep.
It is a hard time in the world right now.  It is especially difficult for those who have never had to do without before.  I agree with others, that maybe the one thing you should make an effort to do is go to church since you enjoyed it, and miss it.  It might give you the spiritual lift that you need to make it through. 
Written words can be inspiring.  If you have no one to confide in, write.  Write here, or in a journal, or in the sand.  I know of someone who wrote down every bad thing that happened to them one year on scraps of paper, and on New Year's Eve burned the pieces of paper letting go of the sadness with each scrap as they went up in smoke.  Try it.  Try anything.  And if you can't pull yourself up, or even think about suicide yourself, run to the pastor or priest or whoever the leader of the church is, and tell them.  They will hold it in confidence and be your counsel. 
I hope for you a new year that will bring you to a happy place.

irish

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #6 on: December 30, 2011, 10:24:34 PM »
kerry, I am so heartbroken by the state that your family has found itself in. I sit here and think "why would a person not want to just sit down and give up". Well, the answer to that question is "because you can't".

You cannot give up. You need to call a church and ask them to direct you to a place that would help. Tell them everything--do not hold back. If that church drags its feet, call another church. Do not give up because out there, some place, there is someone or some group of people that have been praying and waiting for someone to help. They are waiting to help you.

Please give them that chance. No matter how bad it is remember that eventually things can get better. Things may not work the way you want them to, but things do have a way of going on.

I will pray for your continued patience and for a positive frame of mind so that you can be involved in helping solve this problem. I will also pray for your family. Many times husbands can get so much more depressed over things than the wife. It may take a long time for them to lose hope, but when they do they can be inconsolabale.

May you find people who care who will find an apartment for you, food to eat and help to pull your life back together. Keep us updated please. Irish

12lovehim

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #7 on: December 30, 2011, 11:48:07 PM »
Hello my friends.. and thank you.. I want to share a wonderful late Christmas miracle.. (for those who don't know.. I used to be the main Reverend responsible for counseling) Where does that person go when so many feel like you let them down.. Politics within the church.. (don't miss that!!)..

So back to my story.. Two very dear sisters I have not seen in a year (since my illness progressed) Came by today.. As I opened the door they said.. Ok whats wrong God told us don't do a darn thing till you go see my sister Ker.. "

They spent the day with me! prayed with our family, helped clean the home, their teen boys worked on the yard and they made arrangements to have a large load dumpster delivered covering the cost...  :o

When you think your faith is as low as it can be.. when I thought I am so alone... How do you explain 2 random women who had moved out of town (1+ hr away) Who never traveled in my normal circles (met them at a teaching conference 8 years ago, we were phone friends mostly) Being the only Church folk to stop by in 5 mo.. I haven't even talked to them in 2 weeks...  I am all but floored.. I know now my God did not forget about me...

One just grabbed me and said "honey it's time to have a good cry, it's Ok to be weak, only God knows why this is all happening" she down right wouldn't let me go till the tears fell... They really haven't stopped.. It's been more cleanzing then I realized...

I know and understand that with presently discovered adrenal glad malfunction (ie, a way to strong steroid shot shut them down as well as my thyroid.. That this can make me more depressed than usual with AI issues...)  It still  has been the fastest rollercoster ever...
And yet today was a breath of Hope into my life... I just had to share it to everyone!!

So Blessings of a Joyest New Year!! Kerry


engy

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #8 on: December 31, 2011, 06:06:11 AM »
Kerry,
What a blessing. I have been very worried about you & cried when I read this.

I am so happy for this good news, I've been praying for you.

Adrenal issues are not fun & I hope you are getting some help & meds for it. It really helps how we feel.

I'm glad you have hope & know that people love you & you're not alone.

God Bless, Carie
DX:Sjogrens w/mild Lupus overlap,Hashi,Celiac,Raynauds,Sm.Fiber Neuropathy,POTS,Fibro.,CFS,OI & other dysautonomia.
No thyroid
Fish/Shellfish Allergy

RX:Plaquenil,Synthroid,LCarnitine,CoQ10,ALA,Dribose,Tumeric/Curcumin, Milk Thistle,AdreneVive,Fish Oil,Flaxseed Oil,Magnesium,B12 shots,vit D & C

Meld256

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2011, 12:31:18 PM »
Kerry,

I'm so glad you shared your miracle of blessings with us!

 I'm sure you were floored when your friends arrived, but things have a way of happening we cannot explain.   :D 8)  Just as Irish wrote, they were praying for someone to help and just knew they had to come help their dear former pastor.  I am thrilled for you!

This breath of hope brought into your life may make all the difference for you.  I hope this helps renew your faith and let you know that people do care and want to help.

I'm so happy for you.  Please continue to keep us posted.
Melinda

susanep

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #10 on: December 31, 2011, 05:35:22 PM »
Kerry prayers said, and I was going to say that irish had some good advice, and then I read about the wonderful visit you had.  Isn't God Wonderful?  He is always there. You please keep coming here whenever you need.

You are also important to everyone here. Things will get better, it just takes time. The good folks here gave me hope in the past when I was wondering what was going to happen.

susanep  :)
Sjogren's, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Hypothyroid, Fibro, Sleep Apnea, Diabetes 2, Asthma, and Gerd.  (Meds I take) Omeprazole, Pilocarpine, Levothyroxine, Effexor, Cpap, Aspirin, Mobic, Prilosec,, Xanax, Restasis, Systane,Vitamin D3, Plaquenil, Gabapentin, Provigil , Advair, Nasonex, and Proventi

Bucky

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #11 on: December 31, 2011, 06:59:05 PM »
I know now my God did not forget about me...

 ;D  ;D  ;D  ;D

I'm glad these ladies and their boys helped to renew your faith when you were feeling so very low. 

Irish's post was right on the mark . . .

Bucky
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12lovehim

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #12 on: January 02, 2012, 01:21:25 PM »
Just wanted to state.... Dumster delivered today.. Son came home from school and the mess is not as bad as i thought but untill my illness... would have never happened... So mess is getting cleaned up... my back is feeling ok today..

I am thankful that I had a place to come and people to pray...

Blessings everyone... kerry

Meld256

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2012, 02:57:02 AM »
I'll continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, Kerry.  Sounds like there's a bit of improvement happening...so that's good.  ;)

I'm also thankful that I have this place to come to...and I'll keep faith that your situation continues to improve.

Keep posting, dear.
Melinda

quilt4fun

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Re: please pray for me.. It's been a while..
« Reply #14 on: January 04, 2012, 05:21:17 PM »
Kerry,
  Our God is awesome!
  As you may notice--my line is "When life hands you  scraps, make a quilt"  Looks like your 2 friends made your quilt!
Age 64. PSS, Gerd, Kidney stones,  dry eyes, dry skin, borderline high cholesterol, osteoporosis. lung scar tissue,  Taking:  Plaquenil, Meloxicam, protonix, potassium citrate, fortical ,calcium+D,  Lovaza , genteel jel and theratears liquid  gel,    medrol and lacriserts