Author Topic: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)  (Read 2125 times)


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Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« on: December 12, 2011, 10:40:22 AM »
OK, don't want to sound morbid but I have a very strong urge to make a will and also book a burial spot.  Trouble is I have absolutely no idea how to go about it.  I live in the UK and am on Incapacity Benefit so wondered if I;d get legal aid with making a will?  I definitely want t do it through a solicitor to do it as there are one or two members of my family I definitely don;t want getting their mitts on what I leave behind.  I also don't want to be buried in the town I live in I want to be burried in the same cemetery where my boyfriend was buried which is in another county.  Can anyone point me in the right direction?

thanks guys xxx


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2011, 10:58:14 AM »
Hi WildThing,

No, that's really not morbid, but I know what you mean.  Most of us don't like thinking about making a will and buriel arrangements but it is an important thing to do.

I could give you some assistance regarding how to plan here in the US, but unfortunately not where you are. However, we have several members who live in the UK.  Perhaps they will be able to give you some guidance as to where to start.  As a first thought, are they any "community organizations" that might be able to help free of charge or at almost no cost?

Take care,

Joe S.

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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #2 on: December 12, 2011, 10:58:55 AM »
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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #3 on: December 12, 2011, 11:00:41 AM »

Occasionally solicitors have 'special offers' and half price deals which you could look out for. The other route may be to ask the Citizens Advice Bureau for advice. I think they would know stuff like that. You can get a DIY will from a Post Office for about £9.00 I think - but obviously that is not going through a solicitor.
It's something I need to think about myself as I haven't yet done so.

Take care - Scottie  :)   (our home page)   (find our chat times here!)  (way to chat + nickname and #Sjogrensworld)

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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #4 on: December 13, 2011, 07:19:34 AM »
Making a will isn't morbid, it's just good sense. Good for you!
I miss the good old days. Things were more like they used to be back then.

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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #5 on: December 15, 2011, 04:02:10 PM »
Hi Wildthing

I don't think this is morbid, just sensible.  Problems occur when we can't face things like this.  As you say, you've got a few things that matter very much to you and it's important to deal with them now.

I'm in the UK too so I hope I can help.  As Scottie says there are all sorts of offers available from lawyers including charity deals when the solicitor's fee goes to a good cause, but you won't get Legal Aid for a will.  Citizens' Advice have long waiting lists at the moment, so maybe you could get advice on the internet?

You can also just write a will without any professional help but there's a possibility you might do something that renders it invalid.  I updated my will last year just before having heart surgery - I wrote my own based on my old one and updates from the internet.  The main thing is to get it properly witnessed by people who won't be beneficiaries.  I didn't do this until an hour before going to hospital which wasn't the best idea!

A few months ago a friend and I started a discussion group called 'Death and Dying'.  I know it sounds miserable but we've had a lot of fun.  We've discussed wills, funerals, mourning rituals etc.  Choosing music and readings for our funerals caused lots of laughter.  You're in a very powerful position, able to impose your own odd choices!  As far as place of burial goes you can organise that anytime via a funeral director, as well as type of coffin and whether you want to be buried or cremated.  There are some wonderful coffins nowadays: wicker, cardboard, recycled wood.  I officiated at a funeral where the cardboard coffin was covered in photos of happy family times.  At the end of the service everyone gathered round and shared memories.

We've also started to write our own 'Living Wills' about care before death.  These are actually more challenging to write than your 'Last Will and Testament' because you have to think about challenges you might face, how you might cope with high levels of pain or being totally dependent on other people.

Thanks for raising this.

Take care - Chickpea


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #6 on: December 15, 2011, 09:30:39 PM »
There might be certain criteria to be eligible for any certain cemetary.  (Residence, etc)  Our little country cemetary will not sell any plots to anyone.  It is for those who have lived here 10 years or more (moving away south and coming back ok).  When you are 62 you may pick out a 2-piece plot (for a couple).

There is also a provision that turned out to be of benefit to us and our daughter.  The county will sell ONLY ONE adjoining plot for a living child who is not married, not has other family, or maybe handicapped.  Well, our daughter has all of the above.  So for $50 we got her plot too. Even if she got married, they could only take her plot because of being no further eligible.  Her husband could not be buried beside her or anywhere in the cemetary unless he was someone from immediate area.  Sorry for the ranble.

We just had this done this past year. We had previously done it 12 years prior, but things change.  Lucy


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #7 on: December 16, 2011, 10:38:01 PM »
I have been thinking about this topic too. I just want to think about making some plans.

susanep  :)
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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #8 on: December 16, 2011, 11:27:06 PM »
I am so glad my parents took care of these matters while they were able.

 My mother was always very matter-of-fact about things.  She called one day years ago and excitedly told me she'd just picked out and paid for her coffin.  It was lovely and had a pink lining.  She'd found her burial plot under a nice tree, and my Dad in the background was telling her she won't know if she's under a tree or not.  :-\
Most importantly, they each wrote a living will and designated me as power of attorney over medical matters.  By the time my mother became very ill, she couldn't make most decisions, and my father had fairly serious dementia issues.  I was not only helping with her care, but explaining to him what was happening.  I let him make all the decisions he could, but as she became terminally ill, I took over while still giving him as much control as I could.
Thank goodness these things were in place. 


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #9 on: December 17, 2011, 05:37:25 AM »
My folks had all their funeral stuff prepaid also.

I am currently doing that now and have about 3/4 of it paid. I also made a will out a couple years after my last parent, mother, passed.  I have a cousin I designated as executor and set in the will $ to be paid to them to do that. "they would have to come from out of state." I don't have much family.  Only an attorney helped me make out my will and it seems soooo dry. LOL.     I do genealogy as a hobby and have seen ancestor's wills, etc. Now those are interesting!  ;)

Don't laugh - but my main concern is my "furballs" being taken care of if I pass prior to them. Most people do not think of their pets!  :'(


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #10 on: December 17, 2011, 02:11:40 PM »
I don't know UK laws .... but ....

- we prepaid everything.  It's all set.
- we wrote our obituaries.  They are all set.
- we have funeral plots.  They are all set.
- we left funeral plans ... hubby wants everything, and I want NOTHING.
- I've left instructions to CREMATE me or I'll haunt whoever doesn't do it.

It's smart.  It takes a lot of pressure off whoever is left to have to do it.

We have 'living wills' as well.  Basically mine is .. drug me up and pull the plug.  Nothing heroic to keep me here.  I feel like crap and don't want to stick around any longer than necessary anyways. 


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #11 on: December 17, 2011, 02:41:40 PM »

You really have matters taken care of!  You're right; it takes a huge amount of pressure off those who are left to do it otherwise.  It's really a very act to have this done, plus you know things will be handled the way you want.  ;)

Good for you.  ;) Maybe you can all motivate me to get moving on these things I need to take care of.

I know what you mean about researching old wills through genealogy. I helped my MIL look through hers and we found a will from her grandfather 7 generations ago.  He left parts of his farm to several children, a couple children also got cattle and horses.

The house went to his wife, along with all the furniture in it *as long as she didn't marry again.*  If she married, she was to take the household goods and sell the house to someone in the family.  Interesting...


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #12 on: December 17, 2011, 08:39:00 PM »

My husband worked for a short time at a mortuary here in the States, and loved to tell people who asked, "What do you do?", that "I sell graves!"

Preplanning is the best thing to do.  Your own will, but especially your living will.  We don't have children close, so this is still something we have to think about. 

Sylvia49 ;)


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Re: Making a will (sorry don't want to sound morbid)
« Reply #13 on: December 22, 2011, 10:09:38 AM »
Thanks very much for your replies everyone, may of them made me smile which is a good thing I think as if we can look on this with a bit of humour I think it helps to say the least really.  I have done a bit of research since and got a book out from the library called 'Writing A Will For Dummies' which is a nice, straightforward, lighthearted way of looking at it.  From what I can gather so far I'm going to just have to pay for a solicitor if UI want to use one and also I can be buried anywhere I want.  You do kind of have to get special permission from the cemetery managre though I think  but I will try to present as strong  case as I possibly can.  I mean I don't know where I'll be living when I cop it anyway but I'm determined to be buried in that specific cemetery so am going to have to really work hard on a  speech. 

A living will might be a good idea too I think.  Will look into that.  I don't want to be kept like a vegetable hooked up to a machine.