Dear Lighthouse,
You are in the middle of everything! Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..........
I recognize all those family types. My family of origin was tiny, but I had one sister that managed to cover most of the types, all by herself!
How sad for your cousin who lived so much of life in expectation of money that didn't arrive. Expectations of that kind can warp people so badly.
Reading all your posts, Lighthouse, about making decisions and pleasing your father............
I think you have to make decisions and say take it or leave it. Or say nothing, just do what makes the most sense to you and let the chips fall where they may.
I think your father is just venting right and left, even about things he doesn't really care about. He and your mother are facing 'the valley of the shadow of death', it is scary and not very pretty.
Buy what YOU think is necessary, HIRE whom you think is needed, do your best and let the rest go.
HUGS and love
Elaine