Mom

[lighthouse33]

You've been with me through the sage of my dad having 8 or 9 surgeries in the past year and a half.  Now it's mom in severe stomach pain, refusing to go to the ER.  She was supposed to have an ultrasound today because her blood tests are showing that something is going on with her kidneys.  My dad called her doctor and talked to the nurse and they want her to go to the ER.  She threw a fit and I told her to shut up that she was going.  She had a bout of severe stomach pain a month ago.  She likes to ignore everyting, hates going to the doctor.  This is the same woman who does not believe I have Sjogren's.  She's back showering now and when my dad finishes lunch, he will take her in. 

[Bucky]

((Lighthouse)) - parents can be so stubborn, can't they?      

I've never had a kidney stone, but I know some people who have, and they say it is very, very painful.  Wonder if your Mom might have a kidney stone?

Hopefully, your Mother will at least listen to your Dad and quit being so stubborn and get to the ER.  I'm guessing since you mentioned she is showering, that she will go.

Hoping they get some answers for your Mom today.

Hang in there, Lighthouse.  Don't forget to breathe.

Hugs,
Bucky

[Carebear]

Thanks for updating us, Lighthouse.  It's nice to have a place to vent, isn't it?

I hope for everyone's sake that you are able to get mom to the ER, and have this sorted out.  Take care of yourself. 

[lighthouse33]

Bucky,

You made me laugh!  That's exactly the word I used this morning to describe her to my dad "stubborn."

Carebear,

Yes, it is nice to have a place to vent.

Mom has been at the ER for two hours now.  Dad found a way to prop up your leg by moving over a table.  He came back home an hour ago and will head back at 3:00.  The nurse told him on the phone that what they are worried about is some kind of obstruction and that she will probably have to have a CAT Scan or maybe an x-ray to get to the bottom of whatever it is.  I also had considered a kidney stone.  Dad figures she will be at least spending the night.  He said it was very crowded there.

[lighthouse33]

Just talked with mom.  They gave her a pain pill and she seemed to be a bit more cheerful. 

They are going to do a CAt Scan but because she is allergic to the CAT Scan dye they are going to have to do it differently which she said would take a long time.  She had blood in her urine.  The doctor thinks it could be maybe either a kidney stone, a kidney infection or something lke diverticulitis.  She asked him if she could come home tonight and he said she might depending on what they find. 

[Carebear]

Hi Lighthouse,

I'm glad to hear the doctors are taking care of your mom.  Hope you are looking after yourself as well.

My dad would get pretty ornery when he was sick too, so I can completely relate.

[Katybarstool]

Lighthouse

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mum and dad.

Kathyx

[lighthouse33]

My dad stayed with mom until midnight.  They did not have the results of the ultrasound but mom said the technician said that she would probably have to have surgery.  I am going to go up with dad to visit her at ten this morning and hopefully we will have more answers then.  She is in a lot of pain and threw up after the CAT Scan from drinking the liquid but at least they are treating her pain.  They did tell her that she has a blockage on one of her kidneys, so whether it is a tumor, a cyst, stone or cancer, don't know.  Will post more later. 

We had frozen pizza for dinner last night.  Dad is on his last pair of clean underwear, so I will be firing up the washer.  I was up all day yesterday (no naps).  Wil just have to see how things go. 

[lighthouse33]

Mom has a mass in her lower pelvis area that they think might be pushing on her kidneys and uretha.  It could or could not be cancerous.  But since she had cervical cancer back in 98 and they called in her gyno along with a urologist, in my opinion, it doesn't look good.  The nurse also said that there are spots in several lymph nodes that they want to examine also.  Dad claims he didn't hear the nurse say that but she did.  Another person living in denail.  My thoughts are that the cervical cancer is back and has spread and if it is it is probably stage four. 

In the meeantime the urologist and the gyno have to decide what to do and who is going to do it.  The biopsy of the mass would be non invasive which is good.  They were talking about maybe putting a stent into her kidney to stop it from blocking up.  The urologist sitll hasn't been in to see mom.  He was busy all day in his mobile truck outside breaking up kidney stones by shooting them with some kind of gun.  They were sure he'd be in before the day was over.

So, let's hope that the mass is benign and that they can give her some relief.  She is still in a lot of pain and is continuing with the morphine.

[Carebear]

Dearest Lighthouse,

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's possible prognosis.  I'm glad you are there for both your parents.  Take care of yourself.

[lighthouse33]

Mom talked with the urologist las night.  She really liked him, said he was too funny!  He is going to put a stent in her kidney late this afternoon which will take five to ten minutes to do.  She asked him if there were any side effects from that and he said you know the commercial where they say I've gotta go, gotta go right now, well that would be her but they have medication for that so it wouldn't be a problem. 

Someone else is going to handle the mass, I am assuming they mean the gyno.  Hopefully the stent will get rid of a lot of her pain.  But if the mass is pusing on her kidney, I don't know.  Will have to wait and see.

[lighthouse33]

They put in the kidney stent last night.  Right afterwards, mom felt no pain and was hungry.  She hasn't wanted to eat in quite some time.  They still have to do a biopsy and some other tests but it looks as if she will be coming home today.

Dad was all excited about how good she was last night and I nicely but clearly pointed out that with this stent, according to the Internet, she will not be able to mop, vacum, no heavy lifting for twelve weeks.  She won't be able to care for the house, I can't and I didn't mention him but he is no shape to do it either and that something has to be done.  I would leave it up to them to decide.  But a 7,000 square foot house is too much!  He said we would cross that bridge when we come to it!  Yeah, right, the time is right now.

Mom has been yelling and screaming about doing all the work now for a year and the stress level has been off the roof.  I've reached my limit.  So we are only cordially speaking this morning.  I think I made him mad.  Well too bad.  Mom has taken care of him his entire life - breakfast, lunch, dinner, laundry, housecleaning etc.  He is like a two year old.  

[Carolina]

Eeeeek Lighthouse!

You are staying very calm and coherent.   And understanding.

Both of your parents are approaching the end of their lives, and things are turning upside down. 

Stubborn doesn't begin to describe what both of them are now. 

Angry, frightened, in denial, and unable to cope with life in the ways that have worked so well for years and years.

No WONDER your mother didn't want to deal with abdominal pain, she 'survived' the cervical cancer 13 years ago, and she didn't want to think about it again.

If you mother had radiation treatment for that cancer, she could now have one of the cancers caused by the radiation treatment that saved her then.

I just lost my dearest friend to that very outcome.  She had 20 great years, or so, but finally the cancer, that resulted from the radiation that saved her 20 years ago, appeared and had no cure.

It sounds like at the very least your parents need household help at this point, and perhaps home nursing care as well.

I can't imagine keeping up a 7000 sf house, and I'm relatively healthy at this point.   And my husband  hasn't had 8-9 surgeries in the past year and a half!  (eeeeeek).

I hope you have help with this huge task of helping your parents through the 'valley of the shadow of death'.   

We're all here for you.   

Hugs

Elaine

[lighthouse33]

Mom had a radical hysterectomy in 98.  Her surgeon was a gynecological oncologist.  Her current gyno says that he did a wonderful job in getting rid of everyting.  That is why she doesn't think this tumor is cancerous but we still need to do the biopsy to make sure.  If it is cancer they will do radiation.  This is what we know at this point.  The hospital was going to have her call dad at home so we can learn more.  Mom's new GP is running the show and dad hopes to talk with him this afternoon.

At least dad cancelled his appointment with the vascular surgeons.  He was going to see what they could do about his numb legs.  The will probably want to do some kind of stent or by pass surgery.  Here we go with surgery #10.  Not to mention all of the dental implants he has had done.

[lighthouse33]

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  Dad met the urologist today and asked him about the stent and what she could or could not do like sweeping etc.  The doc first said, well for a couple of days she won't feel lke doing anything .... don't you guys have a maid?  My dad, no.  Dad says that he's better now and he could do the sweeping.  I practically bit a hole the size of Texas in my tongue.  He does nothing but read, watch golf and go and chip balls at the golf course.  In the past he has done some sweeping.  Wanted to ask him who was going to clean all five toilets and dust and sweep all 17 rooms.  I just said to him that she's been screaming and yelling for a year that she can't do everything and he said that he was well aware of that.  As I suspected nothing is going to be done about this!  Urg!!!  I'm doing my best, but my body is shutting down which I'm trying to hide from everybody.  Neuropathy pain is about intolerable.  Wonder what they will do when I end up in the hospital, probably just right it off as to my having the vapros or something.  LOL!