Author Topic: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit  (Read 21672 times)

sarahjane

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #15 on: January 29, 2011, 06:24:11 AM »
Thanks soooo much for this thread! I guess we forget in between all the other stuff going on that we are something other than a diagnosis. Luckily the only symptom I don't have is dryness issues of that nature-it's more a problem convincing my other half that I am still a woman!
sjogren's syndrome, psoriatic arthritis, fibromyalgia, hashimoto's, erythema nodosum, saphenous nerve neuropathy, myositis, cervical spondylosis ,TMJ, Loinpain Haematuria Syndrome, hepatic cysts
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Carolina

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #16 on: January 29, 2011, 07:39:56 AM »
Ahh, must chime in again.

Sex cannot ever be over rated!   for me, that is.

I've been married 48 years, and it has been the transcendent experience of our marriage that holds us together beyond any words.

But I was multi orgasmic and for me it was a completely transformational experience.

WAS, sigh, because besides my 28 years of post menopausal condition, I had THREE surgeries on my bladder in 1999 that did a great deal of nerve damage in critical areas.

However, and this is KEY I think, the willingness to be together, and do whatever it takes to give and take affection, closeness, and pleasure is the KEY.

We are both less easily aroused and brought to satisfaction...but we help each other and cheer each on.

There is great joy in sharing each other's pleasure.   And honoring each other's bodies and desires.

And we can argue and snipe and snark at each others for days on end!  Believe me, this is no bed of roses.

But somehow carving out some space for this part of our relationship is healing, for both of us.

I hope this isn't TMI (too much information) but we have adjusted endlessly over the years, and the willingness to keep trying has been essential to us.

Kisses

Elaikne
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nancylee

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #17 on: January 29, 2011, 08:25:47 AM »
Your husband is one lucky man!!! I'll be you are not having any problems with your relationship!! I just dont feel anything anymore. I wish I even has thoughts of it. There is just Nothing!


warmwaters

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #18 on: January 29, 2011, 10:19:59 AM »
Still like having sex, but energy and pain have definitely reduced the ability to do so. Lubrication is also an issue. It's hard to feel sexy when you are in a lot of pain. Luckily my partner and I try to seize the moment when we can.  We've also had to be creative in finding ways that don't require me to use much energy.

It's a tough problem - many of the meds that the doctors prescribe can also have an effect on sex drive (especially antidepressants), so you can lose your interest in one of the things that make you happy.

Gotta love this disease!
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Jozee

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #19 on: January 29, 2011, 10:32:48 AM »
My husband and I do about once a month and that's just because we feel it's what we are supposed to do. He is not ill just VERY tired too. My entire body hurts especially when having sex so that is another problem. We get along together great tho and are in much love.

ohiolady

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #20 on: January 29, 2011, 11:38:30 AM »
Carolina,

I could have written your post and feel the same way.  Thanks for saying what I probably wouldn't have taken the time to say.

Anna

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Meld256

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #21 on: January 29, 2011, 10:02:09 PM »
Ok, I'm not giving any time-frames on how often my husband and I get together, but will say this:

We do not have sex as much as we'd like. We talk about wishing it was like when we first married 23 yrs. ago. His blood pressure meds and my meds have messed up both our libidos somewhat. What we do is make time for each other, be close, sit and talk quietly, or laugh and enjoy...sometimes that turns into more! :)

Some of those times I have a little voice thinking how achey and tired I am and hope I don't pay for it tomorrow, but it makes me feel better afterwards. We have a special closeness that sex improves.  We laugh the next day often because he has leg pain and if that's gotten worse or my back hurts worse, we tell each other we have "a sex injury" :) I'm glad we are still able and willing.
Melinda

seren

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #22 on: January 30, 2011, 04:12:45 PM »
I just had to add to this thread....Like some of you, for me SEX is one of the few pleasures in life and I LOVE chocolate but definitely prefer sex, if I had to make a choice that is.. lol   ;)  Its such a wonderful way of keeping the intimacy in a relationship.  I am nearly 44 and have known my husband since I was 15 (he was 16) and we have been married 22 years this year and have 19 yr old twins.

Of course like everyone, we have our ups and downs, but sex for me is such a release and the endorphins released during it, help to mask any pain for me, if its a bad day...

So if it 'tickles your fancy', keep enjoying as long as you can  ;D

Paula..

 

twilite

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #23 on: January 30, 2011, 05:45:04 PM »
SEX ...   ???

it's been so long.  When I was young and married sex always hurt, i was considered fridged and we divorced.  sex has never been a picnic for me...  i do know that when i have not had it in a long time like 1- 3 years i am hurting all over the next day.

i will probably never have the pleasure again in life as my last serious relationship ended when i was diagnosed in 2008 - he couldnt deal with "it".  now i am dealing with my own issues and don't give it a second thought.

~Twilite
« Last Edit: January 30, 2011, 05:47:35 PM by twilite »

Kimberley

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #24 on: January 30, 2011, 06:57:19 PM »
UGH, this is exactly why I've wanted to keep my head buried in the sand about this dieseas.   I ended a terrible marriage of 20 years (he liked my makeup, shoes, cloths and oh yes other men) so I ended it, gave up trying and I did try everything I could come up with and when your hubby pushes you away during a "kneeling" event that's when you call it quits.
Please tell me (because I have been very deprived in this area) that I will be able to have sex...PLEASE!

kellijo73

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #25 on: January 31, 2011, 08:21:03 AM »
Wow, I am so sorry as I read some of these posts.  Intimacy in a marriage is the most amazing thing there is.  I have been married for 20 years, have 4 children (ages 14 mo - 19 yrs), work full time, have a husband who is a full time pastor.  He has had several back surgeries and has chronic pain.  I have been diagnosed with Sjogrens for 3 years but have probably had it much longer.  I also have Rheumatoid Arthritis and am in constant pain.  I take my pain meds about 30 minutes before bed so I try to help myself feel better at bedtime.  Even with all that going on, we still make time for each other a couple times a week if possible.  He knows my pain issues and I know his, but we work around it as much as possible.  We find positions that are comfortable, propping with pillows, etc.  We also keep lubricant within arm's reach so that when I am having a bad flare up we are prepared.  Honestly, sex is much more fun now that it was 20 years ago!  I am in the sexual prime of my life (supposedly) and I don't want to miss any of it. 

Take heart, there is still hope!!!  I pray that you get to enjoy your spouse as much as you should!

~kelli

deeindiana

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #26 on: January 31, 2011, 01:41:09 PM »
I'm a bit embarrassed to ask but...am I the only one who gets a urinary irritation from sex?  I'm prone to it anyway (pain & burning, but it never shows up on the doctor's urine test as an "infection") and just doctor it myself with lots of water and Phenazopyridine.  But sex will really aggravate it.  So...add that to menopause, exhaustion, dryness, etc., and I just can't work up the interest.
Deb
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seren

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #27 on: January 31, 2011, 02:34:57 PM »
Hi Deb,

No..thankfully I dont get urine irritations or the like after sex.  I am dreading hitting the menopause, which I imagine wont be long I am nearly 44 and my Mum was 39 when she had hers. 

I will probably have a different story to tell regarding sex when that times comes with all its associated problems :(

I hope you find some reflief for your menopausal symptoms!

Take Care
Paula  :)

Calli66

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #28 on: January 31, 2011, 05:43:20 PM »
Just wanted to say thanks to everybody posting on this thread. Reading this gives me hope and makes me feel I'm not alone with my low libido problems.

Have to keep trying.

C

Meld256

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Re: May be a personal question and somewhat explicit
« Reply #29 on: January 31, 2011, 07:48:08 PM »
Well, ttdub, you started a great thread and we see how many different answers there are. I wonder if you were prepared to read all the many answers you've received.   :oIt's run the gamut, just like all our other issues! 

Very interesting, though, and thank goodness for this forum where we can discuss anything at all.
Take care,
Melinda