Author Topic: What are your Worst Fears?  (Read 13503 times)

eyeamdry

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #30 on: August 21, 2010, 05:55:37 PM »
Navydad, I feel s**&&Y all the time and all that too.  I would like to say, though, I have a niece-in-law who has MS and has had it actively for about 15 years.  She is in a wheelchair and her legs are rigid.  Her hands won't work right and her speech is slurred. She just turned 50.  Their only daughter went off to college a month ago.
Her husband had to move from Pittsburgh to Charlotte to work, or be out of a job at 53 and they absolutely need his health insurance.  Her parents moved in with them about 9 years ago to help and they're still there.

I'm just putting this in here so I can remember this pretty, former dance instructor is paralyzed and dependent on others.  I/and most of us/are not there yet.  Thank God. 

LizPetillo

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #31 on: August 22, 2010, 02:17:12 PM »
I'm afraid I'll be 'lliving' (if you can call it that) for years with this evil inside me. 
Death can't come soon enough. 
(I'm having an extra bad day today .. as you can probably tell)

So that's my biggest fear ... 'living' for a long time.
The second biggest ... THRUSH like I said before. 

RichyRich

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #32 on: August 22, 2010, 07:53:57 PM »
For me, my fears are finding the right woman and then making her life difficult as SJS becomes more debilitating.  And also, should I have children, I fear passing on the genetic trait to them. 

eyeamdry

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #33 on: August 22, 2010, 09:14:30 PM »
Richey Rich: This you can manage.  If the time comes, you and your beloved could discuss this and make a decision from there.  It would be "your" choices.

My daughter is about at the age where chances of children are slimmer.  She has insulin dependent diabetes and some other things, I have Sjs and Fibro.  I think this might be a good thing that she hasn't had children.  If she had them prior to her 27 year old diagnosis of Type I diabetes, perhaps it would be ok.  I never told her but I'm glad she is not passing this bad gene pool along.

I'm not going to be in a wheelchair from this.  I'm facing two knee replacements right now.  I've already had a partial, which needs to be a whole - so I know the routine.  My fear of cancer returning is way bigger than this other stuff.  Lucy

Mudpup

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #34 on: December 05, 2010, 02:45:06 PM »
Wow where to start.
I never used to be afraid of Dying or Death before, but I have lost so many family and friends young and old. I lost my Husband 8 yrs ago to Cancer he had just turned 46. I worry all the time now that it could be me next as I have so many things wrong with me. how much does a body take before it says enough is enough.
I am really afraid of suffering before I die and having that major anxiety that people sometimes get in their last days. My husband had it and was on Ativan. Cancer is rampant in both mine and my husbands families. I really fear dying of Cancer. I had pre-cancerous cells of the cervix when I was about 28 that was all taken care of with a partial hysterectomy as I had already had my children. My Mom and her Sister died of Breast Cancer. So I always feel like Cancer is in the background waiting for the opportunity to pounce on me. I just recently found out on top of everything else I have an enlarged heart. I have to see the Cardiologist in March. I would rather die of a heart attack any day of the week.  I have lost my Mom, both of my In laws. My husband, my 18 yrs old nephew 3 Aunts and numerous  friends all to Cancer. My Dad has Parkinsons disease. and recently fell. he's 84. he now has to go into 24 hr care I have been getting very upset and having anxiety. about this more for him because his mind is still sharp and almost 100% its his body letting him down. now he is reduced to this. My heart breaks for him. I know 84 is a good age to still be around. but its about how you go for me. I hate watching my family suffer right in front of me & feeling useless.  When My husband got Cancer that was the final straw for me. We had not long become grandparents to a beautiful little girl Carmen the first grandchild and the first girl. We had 4 sons. so she was the apple of my husbands eye. he absolutely loved her to bits. Me too of course. and 2 yrs prior to his death the last of the boys had left home and we were just starting a new chapter in our lives. and it was all snuffed out in the blink of an eye. Please anyone don]'t take offense at what I am about to say as it is not intended to be that way. But to this day I hate it when someone says to me, well God had plans for him. Well excuse me but we had plans as well and it included living out our lives together and seeing our grandchildren grow up together.  I walked away from my faith for good. Don't get me wrong I know everyone dies and regardless of if I believe or don't believe those same people would probably had died the same way at the same time. its not about that for me. It goes way deeper and it would take a long time to put it all down in writing. Maybe I should write a book about it.  All of my health problems started since my Husband died. and my Rheumy said a lot could be linked to extreme stress and trauma. I believe her too.  I am really sorry I didn't intend on getting this deep into my fears etc. but I guess it's better out than in. again please I don't want anyone to take what I said as a dig or anything like that at religion. this is just my own personal thoughts and feelings. I hope you understand.  Big hugs and thanks for listening to my rant  :) :'(

Joe S.

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #35 on: December 05, 2010, 03:08:51 PM »
Weather you have a book or not, it would be a good idea to write things down. It  will help you work through what is happening to you.
bkn C4 & C5, herniation's 7 n, 5 t, 4 l, Nerve Damage
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Mudpup

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #36 on: December 05, 2010, 03:17:51 PM »
Good Idea Joe I should pick up a journal type book today. I will go for stretches of feeling good and that I have battled all of my demons and then Wham right back into a downer again. I often wonder when or if I will ever get my head sorted out never mind my body. I don't sound like someone who has moved on and is now in a relationship do I? Don't get me wrong I am very happy and he is a great guy.  we are now living together. But I can't put the past away so I can get on with looking after my health and well being. I have found a new path that I am loving but its a very new path and I am just learning. but for sure I am very in touch with nature now and see it in a different way. I really love this community. thank you to who ever started it and to all the great people who reside here :) xox

dry2010

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #37 on: December 05, 2010, 03:56:26 PM »
My worst fear was realized this past March when my only child was killed in a automobile accident. My next worse fear is that I have cancer and they are missing it and putting my husband thru that. We have had a heck of a 2010 and can't hand;e much more this disease has really messed with my head.

Dry2010
Diagnosed SJS March 2010, Gerd, Plaquenil & Generic Evoxac,suspected Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome,Wellbutrin, Hypothyroid and menopause.

doodlebug

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #38 on: December 05, 2010, 05:07:18 PM »
If you would have asked me when I was 20 I would have said- getting divorced/being alone, not being able to have kids, death, not being independent, being disabled, being robbed, losing everything.

At 35 I have been divorced, had one child, lost two and can't have anymore, I can't work to support myself due to this illness, and we had a house fire that destroyed nearly everything.

Now I would say losing my son's heart, losing the ability to take care of myself, not having a companion, taking care of my parents if I don't get better, dying the way my grandpa did (He had major internal damage from a chemotherapy leak and slowly died in massive pain over nine weeks.)

I wonder what it will be in another 15 years.

Joe S.

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #39 on: December 05, 2010, 08:15:53 PM »
At this stage, I am going to suggest that you be conscious and careful of what you dwell on. Try to think positive good thoughts. Bring humor into your life. Most comics draw on the tragedies of their lives for their humor and restore success.
bkn C4 & C5, herniation's 7 n, 5 t, 4 l, Nerve Damage
Lisinopril, Amlodipine, Pantoprazole, Metformin, Furosemide, Glimepiride,
Centrum Silver, Cinnamon, Magnesium, Flaxseed, Inositol, D3, ALA, ALC, Aleve, cistanche
Reiki, reflexology, meditation, electro-herbalism

eyeamdry

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #40 on: December 05, 2010, 08:23:41 PM »
Joe S.......so right you are.  I'm just rereading this thread and basically, I forgot about it.  It could be brain fog, but I choose to think it's selective forgetting.
I don't remember writing this stuff...........well after reading it I do. 

We must all try and be the best we can be and laugh when we can, even if it's at ourself.  Lucy

Sandisue

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #41 on: December 05, 2010, 09:52:01 PM »
 ;D

susanep

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #42 on: December 05, 2010, 10:59:17 PM »
I agree eyeamdry

susanep
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cat

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #43 on: December 06, 2010, 06:56:21 AM »
When I started this journey I was afraid of the unknown. Then as the diagnosis' came along I was afraid I couldn't raise my youngest child the same as her two much older sisters. But she is an adult now and is coping with her lupus well. I didn't know I had all this stuff before I had her. I worried about ruining my husband's life but he is such a kind loving man that has not happened. His attitude is if it was him I do the same for him as he does for me. I was afraid of cancer because I'm at a really high risk and have seen many of my family die from it. Recently I was diagnosed with macular degeneration and have been terrified of loosing my eye sight.But this summer my fears for myself became insignificant. My beautiful 45 yr old daughter has had a complete emotional, mental and physical breakdown. She has gone from being a laid back happy go lucky caring person to an invalid. She is unable to take any of the medications which would help her. She had life threatening reactions and was hospitalized 3 times before they figured out it was the meds. The treatment now is cognitive therapy which she has no insurance for so my husband and I are paying the costs for that. She is unable to work at the job she loved and is barely able to take care of herself. Her husband has given up his job because it caused so much stress for her and he is seeking something simpilar and close to home so he can be there to assist her. She can't go out by herself, has stopped driving. Has terrible panic attacks and I could go on and on. It is heartbreaking to see this happen to our child. I call her long distance everyday because she needs my support. She lives over an hour from me and because I'm in such horrible shape myself, crippled with pain. I can not be running out to be with her. We have always been very close. Now my greatest fear is that my beautiful daughter will never be the same and I am terrified for her because she is so afraid.

gsmraxe

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #44 on: December 06, 2010, 11:23:30 AM »
Since I have two kinds of cancer, one which will never go away, and the other I won't know if it goes away unless it comes back.   ;D ;D

So one of my biggest fears is that I won't live to see retirement age.  I'm (almost)  42 now.
The other one is to get a bad AI disease (My SJS is mild) like Lupus or RA.  That scares the heck out of me.