Author Topic: What are your Worst Fears?  (Read 13417 times)

Joe S.

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What are your Worst Fears?
« on: August 19, 2010, 09:52:05 AM »
While I am not afraid of death, I view it as a transition from life that must happen naturally that will release me from pain.

I was once helping in a nursing home. I saw a gal in her 30's or 40's that was confined to a wheel chair. It was an electric wheel chair but she could not work the controls. Some one else had to work them for her. She could not talk, had trouble breathing and blinking her eyes. At lunch time, the nurse came by, opened a tube, inserted a funnel, and poured in a small picture of blended food. Check the bags on the wheel chair and took her away.

When I asked about her I was told it was a very sad case. She had no family or friends. She could not take care of herself. Her mind was active but she had no means to express herself. I believed that my challenges were minor at that point, but the fear developed that I might end up like her. They said that she had an Auto Immune disease. They also said that most do not get this bad.

I had what I believed to be Fibromyalgia at the time. I decided to manage this as best as I could. That was over 20 years ago.

Now you know my worst fear. What is yours?
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ohiolady

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2010, 11:07:56 AM »
Well, I have a few.  I'll list them in order of concern.

1.   My mother has Alzheimers and I'm watching her deteriorate before my eyes.  This is my #1 fear that I will inherit this from my mom.  I think that is why I freak so much about Sjogrens brain fog.  No Alzheimers on my dad's side of family, just tons of autoimmune.
I would never want my husband or children to deal with watching me lose my mind.  My heart breaks for my mom as she was such an independent, strong woman.

2.   I had my left kidney removed due to cancer 1-15-09.   I don't spend much time worrying about this but when it is time for another CT scan or MRI  I fret because once you've had cancer, it can return.  I've been told renal cell can pop up again 20 years later.

3.  Worsening of autoimmune disease.  My latest manifestation is Gastroparesis and it is not that easy to deal with.

Obviously, losing my family would be the worst thing but I can't even go there.

Good thread, Joe.

Anna
« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 11:46:23 AM by ohiolady »
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Scottietottie

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #2 on: August 19, 2010, 11:19:27 AM »
Hi  :)

My worst fears are losing one of my children or my husband dying before I do.

Dementia is another fear. I don't want to be looked after by any of my kids.

Take care - Scottie  :)
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Sheltiemom

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #3 on: August 19, 2010, 11:21:15 AM »
This might sound ridiculous, or crazy, or whatever.  But I've lived longer than a lot of people are lucky enough to do (I say "lucky" assuming their good health lasted well enough).

So - these are the things:

1.  That my children would pre-decease me.

2.  That my husband would pre-decease me.

1.  That I would pre-decease my dogs and therefore couldn't not see them through to the end of their days.  Luckily, I didn't and was able to take care of each one of them until they went to Rainbow Bridge.

2.  That I would be the last to decease of the family into which I was born.  I will be.


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inga

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #4 on: August 19, 2010, 11:35:15 AM »
Both my mother and her mother had dementia....my mother's came on earlier than my grandmothers.  I watched them both decline and die.  I worry about this abyss.  I was a nurse most of my life, and I saw the most awful tragedies....in the back of my mind, they were always there.

I have been married for almost 38 years....life without my husband would be heck on earth....I hope I leave the planet first.

Losing a child or grandchild.  I almost lost my son in Iraq.  I never got back to normal.

I imagine being trapped in a body with a solid mind, unable to communicate is awful....so is being healthy and having a mind that is gone.

If I ruminate on the worst possibilities, it can paralyze me. 

I think there is such a thing as healthy denial....and I think it is fine to use it.

anita

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #5 on: August 19, 2010, 11:41:50 AM »
Certainly, being alone seems to be the likely response.  Yet my first thought (and one i worry about every now & then), is being a burden to someone.   I'd much rather leave sooner, then be a burden to my family.
« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 11:54:51 AM by anita »
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PrincessLeah

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2010, 11:42:48 AM »
Right now, since I seem to be headed in that direction, I think infertility would be my worst fear -- I'm 32, and the thought of not having a family to look forward to is depressing beyond words.

That being said, if I did have children, my worst fear would be passing this horror on to them.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy -- I couldn't stand the thought of someone feeling like this and having it be my fault.

PL

aussie mum

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2010, 12:33:08 PM »
My daughter was diagnosed with SJS at 17, she is now 20 and has collected a couple of other auto immune issues already.

My greatest fear is that she'll never get to experience a "normal" life.

Will she ever be able to: Work full time, travel, marry and have a family of her own.

My biggest fear of all is that she will never know the feeling of being WELL - ever again.

Aussie Mum 

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Carolina

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #8 on: August 19, 2010, 01:01:32 PM »
hmmmmmmm

I don't have many fears really.

Research on nursing home patients found that at each stage people were pretty happy.

NOT in a nursing home, they thought they were happy, but wouldn't BE happy in a nursing home.

IN a nursing home, happy as long as not in a wheel chair.

IN A WHEEL CHAIR? Happy as long as not bed ridden.

Bedridden?   Happy as long as able to feed themselves, etc.

Of course happy isn't exactly the right term.  But older people are much more content and satisfied with their lives than younger people, it turns out.

I think pain is my biggest fear.  Constant unremitting unresolvable pain.    Pain is NOW and destroys everything else, the past, the future, other people, JOY.

To be in that sort of PAIN with no way to stop my own life.

Loss I have lived with all of my life, and it only shadows my current JOY to contemplate the pain of losing people I love.   It WILL happen.

It has happened.   I will survive, or not.   The 3 AM call.  

Last year we had a month of sheer agony over a misdiagnosis of an invariably fatal cancer for my daughter-in-law.  She was a day away from a double mastectomy (no it wasn't breast cancer but angiosarcoma) when the Harvard Pathologist said" NO, it isn't angiosarcoma".

Do you know what the hardest part was?  Knowing the pain her illness and death would cause my grandchildren, how it would forever mark and change their lives, and that I couldn't DO anything about that.

She does NOT have angiosarcoma.  She had a simple uncomplicated lump and it was removed and all is well.

But that pain, the pain of those I love, would be excruciating.

And yet, it is part of life.  And so I put it away as something to deal with when the time comes.

It always comes.

Always.

As Death comes, always.

Just breathe.

Kisses

Elaine



« Last Edit: August 19, 2010, 03:51:27 PM by Carolina »
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Joe S.

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #9 on: August 19, 2010, 02:29:31 PM »
confused, My mother-in-law had a similar experience. My mother would often visit her on weekends and report on problems in the home. My Wife's twin sister would be there evenings from Monday to Thursday wound would have to press to make sure proper care was given.
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Karen

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #10 on: August 19, 2010, 03:19:32 PM »
My biggest fear is my husband dying before me.  Seems like my side of the family the husbands all go first, my mom lost her first husband (my dad ) when he was 45 to cancer, she just lost her 2nd husband (my step-dad) to cancer 8months ago, my grammy lost her husband, and I have relatives that lost husbands, so I'm very fearful of this happening to me.

I'm also fearful of developing cancer, as my dad and grammy both had cancers.

Another fear is loosing another child, I lost one child when he was 2days old, and it's the worst thing that a parent can ever go through, a complete nightmare, so I cherish my two boys who are soon to be 19, and 17, but I fear all the time whenever they are late getting home, or they are sick.

Karen

SLEEPY101

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #11 on: August 19, 2010, 04:46:10 PM »
We have a close family friend who got MS in her late 30's. She had been in a nursing home for many years. Her family has turned on her. Her husband left he,r three sons nevery come to visit her and her sister and mother had cut her out thier lives. She has always been used to the glamourus life. She still tries t get her nails done and buys expensive bath profucts but the staff has been steeling from her. She can still speak and her mind works but there is no other residents that she can speak to most are 80s up. When I first started to get sit I up worried that my family and firends my abandon me.

But I have faith and keep plugging along. I don't really worry about myself. I just worry about how my sickness effects my family. My youngest son and been having legs pains for several years. They are fianlly going to start doing some tests. He also always have extremly dry chapped lips like mine. I wonder if this is a symptoms of Sjogrens. He is only five and afraid of medicine so I now he sometimes hides his symtpoms.

Another fear of my is my parents. The are 61 and in good health better than me. I am afraid when they get older and need help I mind not be able too. But faith can move mountains so I will have to take it day by day

jstroble

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #12 on: August 19, 2010, 04:57:31 PM »


 

My  worst fear is not being able to take care of myself.  I have trouble now letting anyone help me. 

Joyce

Epson

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #13 on: August 19, 2010, 05:48:07 PM »
My worst fear is what they might find out from the tests that I had today, I know the results are bad, but how bad?

Patze

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Re: What are your Worst Fears?
« Reply #14 on: August 19, 2010, 06:13:25 PM »
Ack, I have enough to paper a room (small closet that is)! ;) ;D

Here are the top two - loosing kidlet before I go, and the other is not being able to care for myself. 


Patze
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