Author Topic: My father just died-now my body is rebelling  (Read 12431 times)

Seeker

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2010, 06:02:30 AM »
I am sorry for your loss.  My wife lost her father in January of this year.  She is still going through the grieving process.  The stress of her loss has affected her health also.  I hope you are getting the suppport you need from your family.  May you have better days in the future.

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Cheryl

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2010, 07:02:09 AM »
In addition to your grief, you are carrying a heavy weight that you need to release.   There were no options for you when you and your brother made the decision to let your dad stop suffering.
 
I'm so sorry for what you have been through the past few weeks (and the toll it is taking on your health).   I know the pain of losing parents, and you have my sympathy.  Please allow yourself to grieve without guilt. 

You are in my prayers.
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Cricket

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2010, 07:08:56 AM »
I am very sorry for your loss.   I lost my dad last year  and from the stress started to get migraines, one so bad I was hospitalized for 3 days.  The week before the 1 yr. annv. of his death got another migraine for 4 days.  So the effects of grieving last a very long time, I wonder if it ever ends.

Gentle Hugs,
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genko_b

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #18 on: June 01, 2010, 07:56:39 AM »
Dear Lurkernomore:

So sorry to hear about your father's passing. You've gotten plenty of good advice here, not necessary to repeat, about dealing with your father's death and also your body's reaction. Please take all the time you need to grieve and to care for yourself at this time.

As I read your post I was struck by the circumstances of your Dad's fall, and how amazing it is that at 77 years old he could be active like that, helping your brother with the house. What a blessing his life unfolded in a way that made that possible. Since we all have to go sometime, if I could choose a way to go, that would be very high on my list. I'm sure he felt blessed to have you and your brother in his life, and over time his love, which continues, will sustain you.

Genko

harrigan

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2010, 08:44:11 AM »
Lurker, just wanted to say how very sorry I am to hear of your loss.  What an awful shock and stressful time you have had.  No wonder you are suffering now.  I am so glad you remained well enough to get through all you had to manage at the time, but not surprised you are dealing with the aftermath. Thoughts are with you - take care XX Ailsa
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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2010, 09:33:42 AM »

I am so very sorry for the loss of your father.  The fact that it was a traumatic accident that led to his death surely played a role in upping your stress levels quickly, which would result in increased symptoms. 

No words can make things right again, but hopefully the support you are getting from this forum, family and friends will help you through it.

My sympathy to you and yours.

Kristine

lurkernomore

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #21 on: June 01, 2010, 01:29:47 PM »
I just want to say how very thankful and blessed I feel for this board and for all the loving, compassionate responses and replies. Thank you all so very, very much.

I do believe the doctor was right and that he made the right call. He upped my Cardizem (heart meds) to 180 mgs. and it seems to be keeping my tachycardia slowed down. I think that my heart had just been racing for a good while and that is what led to the soreness all the way through to my back. It has been a while, but I remember now that I have had racing of the heart before and then the soreness followed.

I also believe I am in a bigtime flare. My joints act all angry and irritated and pretty much everything on my body aches and/or throbs. I think it is just a delayed reaction to all that has been going on. My body knew when it had to be strong and it allowed me to go and do what I needed to do. Now it is letting me know that I need to slow down and rest it and I am doing just that.

Yesterday and today, I have sort of screened my phone calls and stayed at home and allowed myself to be lazy, to mourn and just remind myself to take some deep, cleansing breaths. I wonder now if I even drew a deep breath the entire time I was staying at the hospital with dad.

As a person with both fibro and Sjogren's, I am all too aware of how painful a simple hug can be for us. We tend to avoid the hug. But I want to say this and it is just my feelings right now. I never, ever knew just how precious a hug could be until I saw my father lying in that hospital bed, paralyzed and it hit me that, even if he lived, I would never be able to hug him again and have him feel it or have him hug me back. So if you can, go ahead, take a pain pill if need be, but grab someone near you and hug them. Hug them right now, while they are there with you and they can feel it and they can return that hug. Because we just never know how precious something is until it is no longer there. Lord, how I miss you dad.

Nans

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #22 on: June 01, 2010, 02:50:15 PM »
"The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking."  Ps 34:18     He is hugging you now.  God bless.

sleeeepy

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #23 on: June 01, 2010, 03:37:26 PM »
I agree that the stress can make our pain a whole lot worse. I was 27 when my mother passed away(she was 65) and when she passed,  I felt a weird electrical sensation that ran from the top of my head down to my feet, as if my BODY was being damaged by the shock and sadness.  My body has never been without pain since. At the time, I also had a newborn baby so, add stress on the body from pregnancy, raising the baby, and death of a parent all with in a short period of time and it doesn't equal anything good. i then lost my dad a few years later...sigh.  Try to take extra good care of yourself over the next couple of weeks and try to get out of the house....even if you just sit outside to enjoy nature. Hopefully your body will calm down with some rest.  Take care....Mary

navydad

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #24 on: June 01, 2010, 04:54:23 PM »
I still miss my dad,,, and I do believe what you are feeling is a major flare,,, how can it not be after watching it build up for 10 days,,, sorry about your dad,,, its a horrible thing to go through

lurkernomore

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #25 on: July 29, 2010, 11:09:06 PM »
I want to thank you all for your wonderful, compassionate replies. I am afraid that things just continue to get worse here. Two days after we buried my father, my mother had herself delivered to the hospital via ambulance. We figured she would do something like this, because as unbelievable as it sounds, she has always resented anytime we spent with my father, (I think I mentioned they have been divorced for 19 years) Since he lived twelve days after his fall, my husband and I knew she would be very..upset, to say the least.

She suffers from end stage emphysema, CHF and an enlarged heart and she sat there the whole time we were at the hospital with dad, did not use her oxygen, chain smoked and did not take her heart meds. And voila! She wound up nearly killing herself this time around. They gave us the option, upon her hospital discharge, to send her to a hospital rehab for two weeks, because otherwise, we would have to move in with her and give her 24 hour care, She refused to consent, so for the following month, I was there with her, night and day.

She finally got well enough for me to return home, but by that time, my nerves were shot. My supraventricular tachycardia was out of control, as were my blood sugar levels and, for the first time in my life, my blood pressure is high now. I am just at a loss, because my doctor has told me that if I do not get some help with her, she is going to outlive me. But I am all she has, so I do not know what to do. She refuses help from anyone other than me and she has needs that I just cannot meet anymore,

Basically, she just sits in a chair all day long. She cannot carry out her own garbage, go to the mailbox, fix herself any meals, let alone drive herself to any of the many, many doctor's appointments she has now. I mentioned to her that there IS help and how much it would take off of me. Such as Meals on Wheels, which she poo-pooed by saying she heard the food was crappy. I told her about an organization called Ethra, who provides many services, anything from light housekeeping, cooking, even delivering her to her doctor's appointments and she refused, saying she would not ride with a bunch of strangers. She just demands I do it all and well..I simply cannot do it anymore. I know she is old (75) and I know she needs help, but she refuses to allow anyone but me do anything for her.

Even picking up her scripts, which could be done by delivery if she would simply change to the pharmacy right at the bottom of the hill from where she lives is not something she will consider. My doctor says she is manipulating me and I believe he is right. At this point, she really needs to be in a nursing home. But in my state, if a patient is still considered "of sound mind" they have to consent and that will never, ever happen. So please, if you are the praying kind, remember me in your prayers.

I still do not feel that I have had the proper opportunity to mourn my father's death. Plus I am now in charge of taking care of his dog, who has seizures. It is just all beginning to be too much and she really refuses to believe there is anything at all wrong with me. I have an appointment with my doctor a week from today and he is very upset, as he has had to put me on yet a third pill, just to try and get my heart rate below 100. My hope is that he will be upset enough that maybe is I ask him to, he will contact my mother's doctor and just let her know that other arrangements have simply got to be made. I am beyond physically tired and aching. I am tired all the way down to my soul and I see no relief in sight. So sorry for the vent. I just feel so alone and overwhelmed right now and it doesn't help knowing that really, my mother never really cared about me, still does not and yet she expects me to give up everything, move in with her and I just cannot and will not do that. Any suggestions at all for me? I need help so very badly.

Gerty

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #26 on: July 29, 2010, 11:32:42 PM »
so sorry to hear about your loss take care of yourself  :'(

susanep

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #27 on: July 30, 2010, 03:19:34 AM »
So sorry to hear about your loss, and all the things you are going through. My husband was very quiet this past Mother's Day, and it has been 3 years since his mom died. I have prayed for you.

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Rhonda

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #28 on: July 30, 2010, 06:02:35 AM »
I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your father.  I know what a heart-wrenching experience that is.  Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

ohiolady

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #29 on: July 30, 2010, 06:13:57 AM »
You have to make some difficult decisions and let your mom know that you are too ill to be her caregiver.  You sound like the type that has always taken care of everyone else and now you must take care of yourself.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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