Author Topic: My father just died-now my body is rebelling  (Read 12591 times)

lurkernomore

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My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« on: May 31, 2010, 05:05:25 PM »
On May 13th, my 77 year old father was helping my brother put a new roof on brother's garage. My father fell and broke his neck. For the next twelve days, I stood and watched as my father slowly died. I knew he was paralyzed from the chest down and on a vent, but it took me a few days to realize that he was still suffering and it was only machines keeping him alive.

After dad had gotten sepsis, C-Diff and his dialysis failed, my brother and I knew that we had to let him go. It was so heart-wrenching and yes, I am still wondering if I made the right decision or not. In my soul, I know I did, but my heart still wonders, you know?

The morning after my father died, I awoke from a sound sleep with really strong chest pains. I thought it was the costochondritis that I had battled before. But after taking a round of anti-inflammatories and getting no relief, I knew I needed to get to the doctor because I had funeral arrangements to make and well-just a million things to do.

I got to the doctor and he order an EKG and x-rays of my chest. He told me that my EKG showed that my SVT was a bit worse and my BP was sky-high, very unusual for me. He told me to take three Advil every 8 hours and he upped my Cardizem to 180 mgs.  It seems to have helped, but there is still a nagging soreness in my chest and back.

Could this be a flare caused by stress? Everything else seems to be a bit achy, so I am thinking flare. I did go twelve days with...possibly a total of six hours sleep, not able to eat and in the ICU room with my dad-freezing. It was very, very cold in there. The strange thing is that, until after dad died, I felt very little pain. Not even as I stood by his bedside for seven hours straight. It was as if God knew that I needed to be there, so I was just sort of numb. Now everything hurts and I miss my dad so very, very much. What do you guys think? Sjogren's flare or heart?

Autoimmunity

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2010, 05:16:41 PM »
I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss.  :'(

Joe S.

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2010, 05:18:39 PM »
I think your flair is stress related. A few months ago I went through some thing similar to this when my mother passed. It took almost a month for the effects to disappear. I am still working through the other reprocussions of her death. The best advice I can give is to take time to take care of you.
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lynnmarie219

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2010, 05:25:35 PM »
First of all I want to say I am so sorry for the loss of your dear dad and am sending lots of gentle (((((Hugs))))) to you.

I cant say if its your heart or a flare....only your doctor can do that...but I can say that during periods of stress (emotional and physical and you have been through so much of both) that our bodies can definitely rebel and go into a flare. You were strong when you needed to be there for your dad and now your body has sort of just collapsed into a flare out of sheer exhaustion and sadness...its understandable.

Please try to take care of yourself as best as you can through the next few days through all of the arrangements. Allow yourself to mourn and allow your body to rest as well as you can.

Again...I'm very sorry for your loss...we are here for us if you need a shoulder to cry on....you and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers.

inga

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2010, 05:30:30 PM »
I'm sorry for your loss.

Navigator

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2010, 05:44:25 PM »
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Take some time to take care of yourself. ...and yes I find that serious emotional upset brings on a flare but what it is in your case ...as said. .only a doctor can tell. 

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COLLYGIRL

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #6 on: May 31, 2010, 06:21:57 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.

Colleen

magistramarla

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #7 on: May 31, 2010, 07:29:50 PM »
I am also sorry to hear about your loss.
 I went through the same sort of stress when my dear mother-in-law passed.  My own mother had been abusive, so my MIL was the Mom in my life.  It was about seven months after her death that I was dx'd with the AI issues.  My hubby and I are sure that I was having mild symptoms for years before that, but that it was the stress of his mother passing that caused me to flare and to finally have enough symptoms to be dx'd.
 Take care of yourself, and know that you are on the minds of many of us here.
Gentle Hugs,
Marla

season

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2010, 08:31:29 PM »
Did your doctor say anything about your lungs possibly causing the soreness in your chest or back. Could you have walking pnuemonia?

The reason i ask, I stayed with my mother in the hospital for two weeks and the air was so different in the hospital than being at home. I came home exhausted and my husband took me to the hospital the next day and i had pnuemonia. I hurt really bad in my chest and back and had no idea what was going on until the doctor examined me. It took two months for my chest and back to feel better.

Bucky

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #9 on: May 31, 2010, 08:42:15 PM »
Sending you heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your father.  

I agree with Lynnmarie that the emotional and physical stress in a situation like yours, where you are holding a bedside vigil can and does takes it toll on someones health.   I hope the medicine the doctor recommended to you is helping.  I know from experience all the necessary arrangements that need to be made for a funeral, notifying people, etc.  Please remember to take care of yourself too . . . if you need to get away and get a nap, do so.  Especially since you have been doing without sleep . . . your body needs the rest.

May the love of family and friends comfort you in the days ahead.

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irish

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #10 on: May 31, 2010, 09:37:38 PM »
There is, without a doubt, a huge amount of stress that goes with the injury, illness and death of a close relative. Even when we are healthy our body just falls apart for awhile. Takes some time to get back to normal.

For those of us with autoimmune disease the suffering we endure can be much worse. Obviously all the aches and pains of autoimmune disease can be jump started with this kind of stress. The heart thing is something else. No doubt stress can make this worse, but I would make sure to go for rechecks to make sure your heart and BP are settling down.

I am hoping you get over the guilt that you are suffering from. It is good when people have a living will or health declaration cause then the relatives don't have to go through the suffering and guilt associated with having to take someone off a vent or withholding fluids, antibiotics, etc. Most people are very slow to address the living will issues, but it is probably one of the best gifts a person can give their family.

You did the best you could with the hand that was dealt you. I would bet that if your dad could have talked to you he would have told you to do just what you did. Please stop agonizing over this and concentrate on getting your health stabilized. This is what your dad would want you to do I would bet. Good luck and my sympathy to your and your family. Irish

LeoLady

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #11 on: May 31, 2010, 10:55:02 PM »
Losing a parent or in-law is so difficult.  Remember to let yourself grieve.  Whatever it takes: tears, screaming, meditation, whatever.  I've lost my parents and in-laws.  My dad passed suddenly 6 years ago and I still miss him terribly.  Strangest thing... I'm an avid reader and for 6 months after I lost him I couldn't read at all.  I lost all concentration.  With my brother, I had anxiety attacks for months.  With Mom, I wrote poetry for 2 years.  Grief, like death, is something most people don't think about or talk about.  Just whatever you need to do to get through, know that it's alright.  Grieving takes an awful toll on healthy folks so it's doubly so for us.  Remember that pain (emotional and physical) is inevitable.  Despair is optional.  Our prayers are with you and yours.

Patze

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2010, 04:36:16 AM »
Hi Lurkernomore,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your father, and am also sending you some gentle ( ( ( ( ( H U G S ) ) ) ) ) my friend.

Oh yes, stress can aggravate any medical condition and I'm glad to hear that your doctor is on top of things for you.  

I hope that you feel better soon and take care of yourself -

Patze
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lori

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2010, 04:51:24 AM »
  I am so sorry for your loss, praying for comfort adn peace and for you to get feeling better too.

Lori

Reanne

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Re: My father just died-now my body is rebelling
« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2010, 05:29:31 AM »
I am sorry for your loss.  It's very sad to say goodbye to a parent, no matter what the age.  Now it's time to take care of yourself.  Did the doctor give you a deadline that you should be feeling by better?  If not, maybe you should give his office a call and let them know you still have soreness after following his directions.  Keep us posted.