Laughter is the best medicine . . .

[jordozmom]

When my son was four he had multiple bouts with strep throat and the doctor and nurses talked about taking his "tonsils" out.  Around the same time period, he had been on the pot and called me into the bathroom to ask me what "those" were.  Not one to use baby words I explained to him that those were his "testicles".  A week or so after our "those" discussion my son was taking a shower and, looking down, he exclaimed, "Hey, where did my tonsils go?!!!"  I bit my lip and stifled a laugh and said, "Honey, your tonsils are in your throat." To which he replied, "How did they get way up there?!"

[Joy Cox]

          Thanks for the vote of confidence, Anna!!!!   J     Y

[harrigan]

Jordozmom, that is definitely one to save for ammunition when you need to embarrass him later - like a wedding reception speech or something
 

[SassieCat]

Bucky, you'll like this one (it's true)

Years ago when I was first married to a cop and we were still in the "learning about each other" stage.  He was complaining that he was suffering from hemorrhoids really bad.  I happened to mention that he had some suppositories in the refrigerator and would he like me to get one for him.

Sure..... But there were too different kinds.  So thinking how miserable he was, I grabbed the bigger one and gave it to him and sent him on his merry way. 

About 30 minutes later, the cruiser comes flying up the drive way and he comes running into the house.

Gun off (thank goodness)
belt off
vest off
radio off

and down the hall he flew to the bathroom.  "Call the radio dispatcher and tell her I'm tied up and not to give me any calls!  DO NOT tell her where I am!" 

So I called the dispatcher and told her what he said.  Of course she asked me why, and with a guilty chuckle, I told her.  Then over the police radio I hear, "M51, do you have the situation under control?"  cussing under his breath he replies, "Yep, just finishing up the paperwork!" 

Poor man had to go to the doctor the next day.  How was I to know they were for constipation?

[jordozmom]

Oh SassieCat - I am CRYING I am laughing so hard.  BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  I really needed that!

[Bernice]

Sassie,

That was funny!!!

For me I have too many crazy mishaps to even pick just one, so I will simply enjoy reading and laughing at you guys, plus they make me feel that I am not the only one who's life is so humorous!

I love it! Keep them coming!

This thread makes me wonder where Stillguy and Epson are. Stillguy has been missing for a while now!

[jordozmom]

OK - After Sassie's story I just have to share how I single-handedly destroyed a brand new bathroom at the clinic.  My Rheumy moved to a brand new building and after an appointment he sent me to the brand new lab to have blood and urine  and a heart sonogram done.  They called me to do the blood and urine first.  Blood went fine, then they sent me to the bathroom to give a urine sample.  Well, I am a germ-a-phobe and refuse to sit on public toilet seats - I always just squat.  So I'm squatting and trying to pee in this teeny tiny cup.  Well, midway through I had what I call a "rogue stream" which is a stream of pee that decides to veer off to the right and down your leg and onto your pants and shoes rather than straight down into the pot.  So I start to wiggle my butt around to try to stop the rogue stream and I lost my balance.  Any normal person would have just sat on the pot, but instead I drop the cup into the toilet and start clawing at the walls and sink like a cat in a bathtub to catch myself and avoid touching the toilet seat.  Well, needless to say, I managed to get pee EVERYWHERE.  For one split second I actually considered not cleaning it up and just running away - hoping know one would find out.  Only the cup is bobbing up and down in the toilet WITH MY NAME PRINTED ON THE SIDE OF IT, so I knew I had to stay.  I had to wipe up the toilet and the floor and my shoes AND the girl who wouldn't sit on the pot is now reaching her hand into the actual toilet to retrieve the cup.  Now, the whole time I hear the lab tech on the other side of the wall opening and closing the little metal door looking for my sample and then I realize that I have to go out there and explain to her why I've been in the bathroom for an hour but have no sample.  And to make matters worse I HAD TO GO OUT IN THE LOBBY AGAIN AND WAIT FOR MY HEART SONOGRAM IN PEE-PEE PANTS!!!  I thought I was going to die!  The techs were all actually wonderful about it but I just wanted to crawl up under a table and hide.  OH, and my heart turned out just fine!!!

[roetta]

Jordozmom - I almost peed myself laughing at that one. If they didn't already think I was nuts, the people I work with sure do now!! 

[Bernice]

Jordozmom,

WOW! Just WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm like you I do not want to have to touch NOTHING in public bathrooms. I have to do alot of tricks just to make it out the door without touching anything, including the door.

Lord! I just don't know what I would have done in this situation!

[Bucky]

Oh my . . . between Jordozmom and Sassie . . thanks for the good laughs.     You know you can submit stuff like this to Readers Digest and get money for it!!!

Jordozmom - perhaps you need to carry some of those disposable paper seat covers in your purse so you are always prepared for public places.  Would you use those?  (And maybe suggest it to your Rheumy to install one of those dispensers in his new "initiated" bathroom.)   

Bucky

[SassieCat]

Jordozmom - Oh how funny!  Probably wasn't at the moment but now we can look back at things and giggle. 

But you have a serious point.  Why don't they make those darned cups a little bigger?  It's like telling a man to pee in the cup standing 3 feet back!  lol

[SassieCat]

Same husband was installing a ceiling fan in the bedroom.  He told me to turn on the light to see if it worked. 

THUNK THUNK THUNK THUNK

Was it my fault he forgot to duck?

[Bernice]

Sassiecat, this man must thought you had a hit out for me or something!

I'm going to share this one.

A older cousin of mine passed away, we went to his funeral, all is well, now it's time to go to the burial site as is customary. All are gathering in a tent with the casket and the preachers, pallbearer and funeral directors in the front, We are already in standing and waitng for the immediately family to finish coming in of wihich is a very close cousin of mine when the preacher announces that there are some seats left up front with the immediate family. So I leave the side of my sister without saying a word to go sit with my cousin on the front row. Well this was a time before I got my sight back mind ya! As I was walking around the edge of tent my foot slipped and twisted on the side stiking in the mud, my body hits the tent, we heard this loud sound, the tent is rocking and swaying. There I was stuck in the mud unable to free myself from the mud and pressed against this tent. I'm trying to push against the tent to stand myself upright and everytime I push the tent sways and makes this loud gushing sound. Everything stops singing and all, The preachers comforting words to the family. Everything!  Everybody's eyes big looking from me fighting with this tent to looking around at the top of the tent wondering if that thing's coming down on us.

The funeral directors are standing with their mouths wide open wondering how to handle this. Kids laughing, the cousin I was trying to get to on the front row who should be in mourning for her father has lost it in laughter, her family is trying to make her stop laughing, the preachers are confused between her laughter and what is happening around them, my sister instead of trying to help pull me out of the mud is standing with her eyes wide in shock, I'm begging her to help me, but she's frozen in shock. Finally one of my male cousins is passing by looking at me with that smile like ONLY YOU Bernice! Grabs my hand and pulls me free.

Those outside the tents said tthey didn't know what was going on, all they saw was the tent swaying and something pushing and poking it, something that looked like a body pressed against it.

Well finally the service begins, but with much laughter and giggles throughout. Now everytime we gat together that story is retold to my shame!

[SassieCat]

    Oh Bernice, that is toooooo funny!  I would have peed my pants! 

It's wonderful to be able to laugh at ourselves sometimes.  Makes one forget for a while what ails us. 

Thanks for sharing........

[BonusMom]

Priceless, Sassiecat, simply priceless!