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Sjogrens Topics => Living With Sjogren's => Topic started by: kcoffiner on July 23, 2008, 08:09:32 AM

Title: SHe said what
Post by: kcoffiner on July 23, 2008, 08:09:32 AM
So I got into a fight with my sister the other day about how I am treating my parents. To be truthful it has been hard living at home. I am 26 and want my independence but am forced to depend on others due to my severly dry eyes. I just wish I could be like my sister and have a normal life w/o Sjogrens. I think it is so unfair that I got sick or any of us got sick with this horrible disease. But in the mist of our fighting my sister said that I deserve to be sick. I couldn't believe she said that because she knows far to well how much being ill has caused me. She sees me putting drops in constantly, not being able to watch tv, sleeping with ice packs on my eyes, desperately going from one doctor to the other for help. My life has become a living heck and to say I deserve it, well I don't know if I can ever look her the same way again.

Title: Re: SHe said what
Post by: Scottietottie on July 23, 2008, 08:47:02 AM
Hi Kc

That was a dumb thing for your sister to say and I suspect she knows it. Too often people say really hurtful things in the heat of an argument - and the things said are not true - they are said to hurt at the time, in the heat of the moment, and are usually regretted bitterly later.

I don't know what the system is where you are but is there any way you could get care other than your parents?  I left home when I was 19 and I don't know what I'd have done if I'd been sick then - but I know I wouldn't have gone home. 'Nursing' wasn't my parent's speciality.

How old is your sister? is she still at home too?  It will take a while to patch things up after a fight like that but I'm still sure she didn't mean that you deserve to be ill.

Take care - Scottie  :)
Title: Re: SHe said what
Post by: Cheryl on July 23, 2008, 02:39:36 PM
Hi K,
   I'm so sorry your family is stressed because of this illness.   No one deserves to have it, as I'm sure your sister will agree.   Returning to your parents' home must be a very demeaning experience at your age, when you want to be self-sufficient.   And from your parents' vantage point, I can tell you that it isn't easy having your grown child live at home, either.   I hope that you can all weather this well, and that you will forgive your sister.   She hasn't been in your shoes, so her comment was made in ignorance.   Hang in there!
Title: Re: SHe said what
Post by: irish on July 23, 2008, 10:03:49 PM
k, That certainly was a mean remark your sister said and also it was totally stupid. No one every deserves illness and pain. I would suspect that she may be afraid that she could develop the same condition and she is bascially afraid. She may also be afraid that she will have to do more to help your parents plus she may think she will have to help you.

I don't know what you circumstances are but getting a small apartment may well be the best thing you could do for yourself. You will need to develop a network of friends and different services such as social services etc who can help you with information that will help you make good decisions regarding living conditions and medical care.Good luck. irish ;D

P.S. If it was me I would just continue my relationship with my sister, but I would remind her that what she said was very hurtful. If she can't take the heat then it is her decision to limit the relationship. Just try not to let any personal relationship issues last too long. Life is too short for fighting.
Title: Re: SHe said what
Post by: Dejibo on July 25, 2008, 07:16:00 AM
ah! sisters!

we can be quite cruel to each other. we say things in anger that we would be ashamed and embarrassed to say to strangers.  We poke, pick, and abuse each other.

it ALWAYS leads to a bigger underlying problem. the fight is never about taking out the trash, its always about something bigger, like not being heard.

is it possible that your sister is a bit jealous that you remain in your parents house? she thinks maybe you get less bills to stay with them? your life if a bit easier to stay with them? you still have the home life that she wants? 

sit down and tell her what she said really hurt your feelings, and no matter what is being said, that is OFF limits to say that type of thing to you again. No matter how upset, hurt or angry she is, its OUT of bounds to wish diseases on each other. Give her a chance to apologize. I hope by now she had time to relect on her own behavior and is ashamed.
Title: Re: SHe said what
Post by: Evenice on July 25, 2008, 12:12:29 PM
I am sure your sister did not really mean what she said to you, in the heat of the moment, about you deserving to be ill. She is taking out her feelings of anger and frustration out on you. It is not nice and I hope you can talk to her about it, just let her know that she hurt you and you really don´t want to have to fight her as well as your painful Sjoegren´s.  She is certainly sorry now and probably waiting for you to talk to her. Good luck and don´t let it come between you, I wish you all the best with your sister and with your dry eyes.   [move]:) :)