Sjogrens World Forums

Sjogrens Topics => Living With Sjogren's => Topic started by: kcoffiner on May 17, 2008, 12:26:03 PM

Title: overwhelming anger
Post by: kcoffiner on May 17, 2008, 12:26:03 PM
Since my Sjogrens dx I've been extremely anger. Angry at my parents, anger at my friends, angry at God. It just seems so unfair. Bad things always seem to come my way--I was operated on at just 16 for a large breast mass and bear the mark ever since. Now I feel my symptoms dry mouth, dry eye constantly and no longer can function as a normal person due to my eyes. Does the anger ever go away? Or will I always be jealous of other people who don;t have this horrible disease.
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Allison on May 17, 2008, 01:07:43 PM
I was angry and depressed when I was first diagnosed.  As time went on, I learned to cope and accept this awful curse.  I try to live my life as normally as I possibly can and not think about the pain/uncomfortable feelings I have.
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Katybarstool on May 17, 2008, 01:08:55 PM
Hi Sweetheart

I'm so sorry you are feeling so angry. You have had a lot to deal with, and it's not surprising you are feeling this way.

Sending you a hug and my best wishes.

Kathyx
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: kcoffiner on May 17, 2008, 01:25:29 PM
Thanks for your replies. Hopefully in time there will be a cure. Best wishes, Kim
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: genko_b on May 17, 2008, 01:39:42 PM
Hi there - Angry is a tough place to be, isn't it? Probably each of us here has been really angry at some point in our diagnosis, and no doubt will be again. You asked if the anger ever goes away, and the answer is yes it does, but it comes back as well. As they say, the only thing constant is change!

Bearing that in mind, the folks that we compare ourselves with often have their own miseries to deal with, if not now, then just around the corner. Having Sjogren's sucks, but so does having a lot of other conditions. My young neighbor had what seemed like a picture-perfect life - good job, nice family, nice house - when she ruptured a disc and had to have back surgery. That was last year. The surgery went wrong, and now she is in constant pain and unable to do any of the things she used to do. I really feel for her. It used to be she was more mobile than I by far, but now I can help her out.

It does seem unfair to have such a diagnosis at such a young age. I was about your age when my autoimmune problems began, and now I'm 60. One thing I've decided after all these years is that "fairness" is not a concept that has been very useful to me. All I can say is, sometimes it is easier to live with Sjogren's than other times. Sometimes you completely forget you have a chronic illness. Over time you learn to pace yourself, you find out who your true friends are, and your life comes together in way that works for you.

When you are feeling overwhelmed with anger or any other negative emotion, do take extra care of yourself - get enough rest, treat yourself well in small ways, be around people who support you or at least don't tear you down. There will be better times ahead.

Genko

Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Pooh on May 17, 2008, 01:46:36 PM
Hi Kim,
Your anger is quite normal unless you let it overwhelm you and become your norm.  Take a look at this link and you will see that there are 5 stages of grief.  Each one has to have time to settle in and grow into the next.

http://www.modernlife.org/all_staples1999to2000/2000archive/March/FiveStagesOfGrief.htm

I hope your journey goes swiftly,

Hugs, Pooh
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: lynnmarie219 on May 17, 2008, 02:40:25 PM
Hi Kim,

As the others have said I think we have all gone through stages of anger and yes its very normal.....just as long as it doesn't overtake your life!

This is the time to take extra good care of yourself and if you really find that you are having difficulty with it, perhaps a counselor who is aware of chronic disease or other illness can  help you work your way through the process. Thats something that I did....but I realized that my anger was not only due to a new diagnosis...I found I was letting alot of things get to me that I shouldn't...and it was only hurting me.

Anger takes alot of our energy, but there is a way to get through it....it will get better so hang in there!
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: susanep on May 17, 2008, 04:44:11 PM
Hi, Like the others said, we all have been angry at one time or another with this disorder, and most likely will be again. We go through these stages, because of the loss we all go through. Now I mostly have moments hit me of anger, and the rest of the time make jokes around my husband a lot, because I find it easier. All here know that I still have it hit me, and come here and let it all out. That really helps though. It's all a process. How you feel emotionally will get better, but if you seem to have a lot of strong feelings or depression that continues with no stopping, then always know that as the others said, there is always the option of a counselor that can help you sort out how you feel. 

susanep :)
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: YICKelly on May 17, 2008, 05:00:24 PM
I agree with all the others, anger is a normal way to cope. As long as you are coping!  As days go by you will/or should learn other ways to cope.  I do find that even at my age there is an occassional twinge of jealous when I see people older than me do so much more.  Please let your anger run its own course and try to move on with you life as best as you can.
I do know what it is like to be so different at an early age.  I had eye surgery at 5, DXed wtih Polio at 8 or 9, so I have never really been able to keep up with others my age.  Even now at 61, I find it hard to sit while the people in thier 70's do the work around me. 
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: eyeamdry on May 18, 2008, 07:41:10 PM
What a great thread!  There are posts from young to not-so-young giving their take on this.  It's hard to believe, but I'm in the "not-so-young" category.  Time just goes fast.  When some of us were young, you could catch polio.  Polio could mean instant paralysis, death, living in an iron lung.  You couldn't go swimming in certain places "or you'd catch polio."  The fear of this kept me out of swimming where I wasn't supposed to.  (Not even sure if you "caught" polio that way.)

My anger is/was directed at my (surgeon) lasik surgery almost 9 years ago.  My life hasn't been the same since.  My doctor did not test me for dry eyes, and I was put through the paces of "you're an excellent candidate."  Well, I wasn't a good candidate.  I paid large $$$ for my doc to make sure I was.  My eyes never healed.  My vision never settled and I've had painful eyes every day since.  I had to stop working after 5 years because I could no longer see well enough to do my job.  I was making mistakes.   So, it was disability for me.  I began to have numbness in my face and lips, weak leg muscles and dry mouth.  I began to put two and two together.  It kept coming back to the eyes.  Finally, I was tested and had positive antibodies in my blood.  I gave my diagnosing Oral Surgeon a "high 5" when he told me this.   I WAS ELATED TO KNOW WHAT IT WAS, WHY IT WAS.  I began taking meds and feeling better about 6 months after my diagnosis.

Just after my diagnosis, I told my GP I wanted the lump in my breast removed, instead of watching it like we were for the past couple of years.   It's a good thing because it was cancer.  A quick diagnosis, surgery and radiation which has knocked me on my butt for almost a year and I'm still kicking.  Not very much, or very fast.   Having cancer is scary, much more scary than Sjogrens.  Even though Sjogrens has done much more damage to my body, cancer is a tougher thing to face.  I always thought if I didn't have cancer, I was "good to go."  Well, I had cancer and "I'm still good to go."

My personal situation is that my eye surgery mangled my eyes.  If I'd not gone there, I'd still have Sjogrens today and dry eyes, but my vision and my life would not be devastated as they have.  Lest anyone think it was a vanity operation, it was not.  I was in my 50's, married and wore -10 glasses.   I like to put that in there in case anyone is thinking "well, what does she expect when she has cosmetic surgery."  This isn't cosmetic surgery.  You don't look any different after.  I'd sure as heck not have any cosmetic surgery, though, now.......knowing how things can go wrong.  Lucy
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: wordnerd on May 18, 2008, 08:51:45 PM
Just have to pipe in for us young'ns here  ;D

I had symptoms my whole life and started getting noticeably sick when I was 17 or 18.  I'm currently 24.

I agree that the stages of grieving are a normal part of learning to live with a diagnosis... or any life changing event really.  But the stages don't necessarily happen in order and progressing through them isn't always a straight road... its a more curvy with frequent backtracking and uturns, going in circles, and spinning your wheels.

I had a lot of times that I was really angry.  Angry at doctors who ignored and dismissed me and misdiagnosed me, at my parents for not understanding or being supportive enough, at myself for no particular reason, ect.

More and more lately I'm realizing that at this point in my life being angry doesn't make me feel any better about the situation.  There was a period where I really needed to feel the anger.  Now I don't really.  To quote a really funny and awesome song (from memory folks so don't quote ME on it...)

Every time you smile
It will only last a while
Life may be scary
But it's only temporary
Except for death and paying taxes
Everything in life is only for now...

Take care!

-Lauren
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: eyeamdry on May 18, 2008, 09:36:51 PM
Boards like Sjogrens World are a huge help to work through grief, anger etc.  Very therapeutic. 

It's also very interesting how many of (us/them) were sick as kids or teenagers. 

Lucy
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Debora on May 20, 2008, 01:52:44 PM
I have up and down days.  Some days I get so angry at this disease!  I try to look at the positive things and sometimes it does help.

I hope you are doing better

Debora
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: JannaLee on May 20, 2008, 06:17:48 PM
I've got the angry thing going on too...and frustration...and fury....and rage...

You may notice I've been whining all over this forum. 

The people here have been extremely indulgent.  They patiently respond to my rants with validation and concern. 

I cannot think of anything more supportive in all my life.  Apparently we will get through this horrible time but till then please know I'm right there with you feeling my blood boil!

Janna Lee
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: irish on May 20, 2008, 09:08:12 PM
Kim, It really is hard to be sick isn't it? I think it is great to be diagnosed though as being sick without a diagnosis is really unbearable.

Anger is a normal response to a rotten situation. It happens to us all. It is what we do with our anger that is important. If we hold it close to our breast and nurse it along so that it becomes a constant in our life from the time we wake up until we go to bed it will be the anger that destroys our live---not the disease.

It is knowing when to let go, when to forgive, when to look to the future, when to choose other alternatives, when to change stinking thinking, how to find a new lease of life---whatever the phrase that motivates a person to get on with their life.

Some of us can't see well, some can't hear well, some can't sing or talk well, some have constant pain in their feet, some have heartburn that never ends, some have diarrhea that interrupts their life. The list goes on and on. It is hard to have something that prevents you from doing what you want to do.

The bottom line is that we all have problems with our health. We all cope in different ways and we all find a way to cope because if we don't we could lose the compassion of our families and most of all we could lose ourselves. I know that I was really angry at a certain clinic of doctors for several years and I had to give up that anger because it took too much out of me.

The energy that is used in negative thoughts can affect our health and our sjogrens. The need to stay positive is not only for our mind but also for our body. Did you ever read about a certain man(whose name escapes me at the moment) who had cancer? The doctor told him to go home and prepare to die. He thought that was a pretty lousy way to live the rest of your life. He thought it made more sense to laugh. He surrounded himself with postive people and he watches all types of funny movies and read funny books, etc. He laughed his way into a remission of his cancer. The doctors were so surprised!! They said it was the way he was handling his stressful last months that saved his life.

I have to tell you that I lost my singing voice back in 1988 and this was devastating to me. I always loved to sing and was in choir, directed choirs etc. I never hoped that it would come back as somehow I just knew that it was gone forever. The only way I could cope with that loss was to think to myself that I can't sing here but when I get to heaven I can sing to my hearts content and for eternity. That is just my way of coping.

I guess we all have to make choices in our life as to what is important to us. Hopefully, your anger will soon abait and your will find a new project or joy to take its place. Irish ;D
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: modistee on May 21, 2008, 06:23:43 AM
This is a very interesting thread.  I am still not officially diagnosed with anything but have symptoms that could perfectly match Sjogrens or maybe CFS.  Do I get angry??   The only thing I get angry at is the Drs. who insist I am depressed and need to take an anitidepressant.   They keep telling me they don't know what is wrong with me and can't treat me if they don't know what to treat me fo,r but still they just know I am depressed.  Like my hubby says I am not depressed I am sick.  I do want to say that I feel very very badly for all the younguns who are extremely worse off than me.  It does not seem fair for them to be that ill soooo soon in their lives.  But maybe this is all part of a greater plan.  *sigh*    (hugs to all of you)

Modistee
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: irish on May 21, 2008, 09:13:42 PM
modistee, I can totally relate to your problem. I have had one clinic that just would not listen to me and always wanted to send me to their psychiatric department cause they just knew that it was"all in my head". Well sorry folks, but I now havae documented diagnoses that point to aboaut 5 autoimmune disease. I told them all along that it was not psychiatric and they even documented that.

Anyway, it just occured to me that it would be interesting to see what would happen if you took an antidepressant. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. You very well may not be depressed and if you could get it documented that would be great. Also, please keep in mind that chronic illness of any kind does cause a depletion of the chemicals in the brain. It is not unusual to have a depression. This does not mean the boo-hoo tears etc.

Also, I am curious if you have seen a woman doc who says that you are depressed. I think that men docs are much more prone to label women as hysterical or depressed. Doesn't it make you just want to walk up and slap them???? Dream on!!! Hopefully you will keep on going til you find the doctor that will diagnose you. It takes a long time. It took me about 10 years or so and I had not been healthy for the previous 30 years or so. Irish ;D
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: JannaLee on May 22, 2008, 03:27:16 PM
Ditto what Irish said.

I would investigate the psych thing to rule it out once and for all.  For pete's sake they need to stop using that excuse when they don't know what is wrong!  Remarks like that are "crazy making" and the resulting elevated level of frustration + untreated disease could actually make you become depressed!

It has been my (general, not always) experience that women doctors treat me better because they listen all the way to the end of my sentence before making up their mind.  And frankly they don't seem to feel threatened by my opinions, ideas, input like the men do.

I honestly think I get a certain "tone" in my voice in the Doctor's office that is off putting to men. 
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: eyeamdry on May 22, 2008, 04:13:26 PM
I think boards like this, and specifically threads like this one help us more than anything.  This stupid disease is so unusual and rather rare that it's easy for docs to brush us off.  When several women write the same thing in black and white, we KNOW there is something to what we are saying and we aren't crazy.  Just because some of the doctors don't know, or won't take the time to learn about it, doesn't mean it's not there, or that it's not real.

I've had to do my own research on my eyes for many years.  I've found others with the same problems.  It is me who suggests to the doctor what to try next.   A new doctor will always start with things that I've already tried (and are obvious to me) and it's apparent he/she doesn't realize that it doesn't take a genius to understand dry eyes.   

To Janna Lee
Quote
I honestly think I get a certain "tone" in my voice in the Doctor's office that is off putting to men.

I don't think this is the case, but you've probably been conditioned to think this way.   If it's the case, we all must have "that tone."  It's nothing you do, or have done.  It's the doctors trifling with you.  Lucy
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Shari on May 22, 2008, 04:20:43 PM
Kim~~How are you doing today??

~~Shari~~
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: JannaLee on May 22, 2008, 04:30:01 PM
Dear Lucy,

Will you marry me?  Your reply was the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me!

Feelin' so validated,
Janna Lee

Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: kcoffiner on May 22, 2008, 04:46:08 PM
Hi:

Doing a little better today. I read a book which with my dry eyes and all is an accomplishment. Still freaked out about my new job though. Job doesn't start until June but wished it was tomorrow so I can see whether or not it is possible for me or not. The suspense is killing me.
Title: Re: overwhelming anger
Post by: Shari on May 22, 2008, 06:00:01 PM
I allways hated starting a new job..so anxious about it and looked forward to knowing that soon it would be old hat.

I know you will do fine...It would all be easier if we felt like a million bucks !

I love reading also but have to remember to put moisturizing drops in my eyes once in a while.  I take a book with me to Doctors appointments now and I don't mind if i have to wait!!  I'm a little dissapointed if I don't get to read a bit!!

Take care and chin up..thinking of you  ~~Shari~~