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Sjogrens Topics => Living Life In Spite of Sjogren's => Topic started by: Bucky on January 03, 2012, 02:19:38 PM

Title: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on January 03, 2012, 02:19:38 PM
It's a brand new year, time to start another new thread of "Laughter is the Best Medicine".

I really think that laughter is important.  Something to cheer us up and bring a smile to our face.

So let the laughter begin . . . . .


Finally, after six girls, Luke's wife had a boy.  But he had only a head - nothing else.  Luke didn't care, though.  He was just happy to have a boy.

On his kid's 21st birthday, Luke took him to a bar.  "A shot of your best Scotch," he ordered.

The boy drank it, and -- POOF -- he grew a neck.  Amazed, Luke then ordered another and -- POOF -- a torso sprouted.

"Keep 'em coming!" Luke shouted.  Eventually, the boy had a whole body.  Everyone cheered, his father loudest of all.

Tipsy, the boy stood on his new legs and stumbled to the left . . and to the right . . and out the front door and into the path of a truck.

The bar fell silent.

"You know," the bartender said.  "He should have quit while he was a head."

Submitted by Ashleigh Williams     Reader's Digest April 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, this was on short notice - I'll keep looking for some good ones.   ;)

In the meantime, got any good, clean jokes or real stories to share?

Bucky
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: WildThing on January 04, 2012, 10:21:41 AM
I can't say I'll ever be able to find any 'clean' jokes as I am a Carry On fan.  However I have got some quotes here from guenuine letters to various councils in the UK from very stupid people.  I've cleaned them up as much as I can:

Genuine Council Complaints
extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations throughout the U.K.


I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: reallyneedsanap on January 04, 2012, 10:53:28 AM
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."

Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Winnie on January 08, 2012, 07:45:08 AM
Well, I love jokes and I have heard many of them, but there is a problem......I can't remember the joke long enough to tell someone or post one.   :( I guess I will have to ask around for some jokes and write them down for us.

Winnie
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on January 25, 2012, 02:18:30 PM
Taken from my files.  OK - these jokes could be for any hair color - brunettes, redheads, etc., not to offend anyone, but for purposes here, let's just use blonde hair.   ;)

                                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'"

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy ....... it's W.'

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?, they send me a BLIND policeman!'

Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: susanep on January 26, 2012, 07:25:23 PM
Laughter is the best medicine, and I try to laugh about things all I can at home even if it's kinda stupid like.  ;D

Sorry I don't have a good joke at this time, but just wanted to make my comment and slip out the back door.  ;)

susanep :)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Pisces24 on January 28, 2012, 07:07:31 AM
I had to laugh about the one with the blind policeman.  I am always asking other drivers if they need a Seeing Eye Dog to drive.  ::)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Scottietottie on January 28, 2012, 08:50:36 AM
An exchange I overheard the other day:

Teen 1:  arrrgh - my throat hurts. What makes a throat hurt?

Teen 2: Maybe you got tonsilitis?

Teen 1: What's tonsilitis?

Teen 2: Well it makes your throat hurt and you grow balls at the back of it...........
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Daisy1234 on January 31, 2012, 05:04:54 AM
A urologist's license plate:

2 P C ME



Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on January 31, 2012, 10:24:11 PM
Everyone has posted some funny stuff.   ;D

Here's one that was sent to me - it's suppose to be a true story:

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me '.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available".

George said, "Okay".

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Joe S. on February 01, 2012, 03:17:58 AM
I had taken my mother for Physical Therapy and as we left, we were stuck in slow traffic behind a silver/grey minivan. The yield sign in the window said "Children on Board". There were no bumper stickers to read so I looked at the license plate. It took me a couple of attempts to understand it but I did like what it said "PB4UGO".
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on February 04, 2012, 11:55:19 AM
I have to agree with Maxine - "My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself."   :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love to sit behind a vehicle and try and figure out what their license plate says.  Those were two good ones Daisy & Joe.

Bucky
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Pisces24 on February 04, 2012, 02:10:44 PM
This isn't really a HaHa one but a For Gee Whiz one.

Both me and my cat have sinus infections are on antibiotics now.    Thankfully we are not blaming one for making the other sick but the cat did have her's first and I did have one specialist tell me long ago "it was probably the cat's fault".  ::) ;) ;D
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: MissyLouWho? on February 06, 2012, 07:31:43 PM
This isn't really a HaHa one but a For Gee Whiz one.

Both me and my cat have sinus infections are on antibiotics now.    Thankfully we are not blaming one for making the other sick but the cat did have her's first and I did have one specialist tell me long ago "it was probably the cat's fault".  ::) ;) ;D
I laughed out loud at that!  Just this evening I saw my 9 year old daughter's teacher (who had been sick) and she jokingly said my daughter had given it to her.  My daughter (never the one to accept blame for anything) quickly said that it was her pet rabbit's fault because HE was sick first so she can come over any time and yell at HIM for getting her sick  ;).
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on February 25, 2012, 04:57:52 PM
I've been looking through some old posts tonight and came upon the Laughter thread from 2009.  Even though I have read these posts many times, I was sitting here tonight re-reading them and laughing all over again.   ;D

So, thought I would share them with you all.

Two things you NEED to do first before reading this thread . . . . 1)  Make a visit to the bathroom before reading these.  2)  Don't have any liquids in your mouth while reading these.  LOL

Enjoy . . . . .

http://sjogrensworld.org/forums/index.php?topic=10427.0

Bucky
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on March 20, 2012, 01:40:55 PM
I might have posted this one before - but, I came across it again today while looking for something:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

Pee on it and walk away!   ;D

Bucky
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Pisces24 on April 07, 2012, 01:30:57 PM
Sometimes my imagination can go wild with thinking.

I was helping another dept enter beneficiary information. We had a guy that wanted his girlfriend as his primary bene and his WIFE as the secondary bene. Of course we have to get spousal ok on that.

Not only does this guy have guts, he is going to be in the doghouse awhile too!!
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on May 07, 2012, 08:58:32 PM
I saw this on a friends FB page:

"I do not want to brag, or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into my earrings that I wore in high school!"

LOL

Funny thing is . . . I can too . . . even after 37+ years!!   ;D

Bucky
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: MissyLouWho? on May 08, 2012, 07:15:43 AM
I saw this on a friends FB page:

"I do not want to brag, or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into my earrings that I wore in high school!"

LOL

Funny thing is . . . I can too . . . even after 37+ years!!   ;D

Bucky
That's right!  Focus on the positive!  Who cares about what DOESN'T fit?  My shoes still fit, my earrings, my purse fits over my shoulder...I'm feeling pretty good that so much still fits like it did in high school :P
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Gayle on May 08, 2012, 08:07:39 AM
There is no state of physical decline or damage that you could not recover from—none—not any, if you knew it... If you wanted it and knew that you could. And that's those miracles that they talk about every day. They're not miracles at all, they are the natural order of things. But because they are rare, people think they are miraculous. They're not. That's the way it is supposed to be. You're supposed to thrive.

--- Abraham
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on July 07, 2012, 02:35:08 PM

The Doctor Says . . . But He REALLY Means . . .

"Well, we're not feeling so well today, are we?"
I'm stalling for time.  Who are you and why are you here?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, what have we here?"
He has no idea and is hoping you'll give him a clue.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"If it doesn't clear up in a week, give me a call".
I don't know what it is.  Maybe it will go away by itself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Let me check your medical history."
I want to see if you've paid your last bill before spending any more time with you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Well, now, we have some good news and some bad news."
The good news is, I'm going to buy that new BMW.  The bad news is, you're going to pay for it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This should be taken care of right away".
I'd planned a trip to Hawaii next month but this is so easy and profitable that I want to fix it before it cures itself!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Let me schedule you for some lab tests."
I have a forty percent interest in the lab.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'd like to prescribe a new drug."
I'm writing a paper and would like to use you for a guinea pig.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"That's quite a nasty looking wound."
I think I'm going to throw up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This should fix you up."
The drug company slipped me some big bucks to prescribe this stuff.  Hope it works.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Everything seems to be normal."
Rats! I guess I can't buy that new beach condo after all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'd like to run some more tests."
I can't figure out what's wrong.  Maybe the kid in the lab can solve this one.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Something I found in my files.    ;D
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: WildThing on July 11, 2012, 12:50:50 PM
Segments from Ellen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4SXC9Dk5Yc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_pDZkM2xdw
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: WildThing on July 18, 2012, 03:49:39 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=jrZFGk2RSng&feature=endscreen
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: stillinshockwithsjogrens on July 19, 2012, 01:34:42 AM
I used to be indecisive.  Now I'm not sure.  :-\
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: WildThing on July 31, 2012, 11:13:22 PM
Gotta see this one, funny as

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pXmbIIJFXqI&feature=relmfu
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: sass on August 05, 2012, 08:20:05 PM
LATE ON NIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY
TWO YOUNG BOYS WENT OUT TO PLAY,

BACK TO BACK THEY FACED EACH OTHER,
DREW THEIR SWORDS AND SHOT EACH OTHER

A DEAF POLICEMAN  HEARD THE NOISE
AND CAME AND SHOT THE TWO DEAD BOYS,

IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THIS STORY IS TRUE
ASK THE BLIND MAN,  HE SAW IT TOO!

courtesy of my daddy!!!   ~sass~
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: slccom on August 07, 2012, 08:40:58 PM
Sometimes my imagination can go wild with thinking.

I was helping another dept enter beneficiary information. We had a guy that wanted his girlfriend as his primary bene and his WIFE as the secondary bene. Of course we have to get spousal ok on that.

Not only does this guy have guts, he is going to be in the doghouse awhile too!!

I bet his wife handles that one like a dog! Good for her!
Sharon
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: susanep on August 07, 2012, 09:38:43 PM
Lady with no insurance goes to the dr. - He says, here are some samples for you and your whole family, they are free and in the experimental stage.

susanep  :o
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: xANTHONYx on August 08, 2012, 05:14:56 AM
One of my engineering professors has a quote on the back of his pc that says,

"Nothing is foolproof to a really talented fool."

If you think about it, he has a point. Have you ever brought home some sort of appliance and noticed that it had a little tag on the cord that says something painfully obvious like don't use the toaster in the shower? Well it turns out it is a complicated and time consuming process to print those stickers so they are expensive enough that a company won't put them on unless some ignoramous did the thing they advise against and they are really worried about a lawsuit.

Case in point, one of my classmates has a chihuahua. She brought in the warning tag on the doggy bathtub she bought that said, "Do not heat over an open flame, especially when occupied." Makes a person feel slightly pessimistic about society when you realize someone has actually accidentally boiled the family pet on the stove.

I suppose it solves the shedding problem...j/k
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Gayle on August 08, 2012, 05:18:25 AM
Anthony, that's funny! It is like the plastic bags that surround everything in boxes so as to not mark the product during shipping... they all say the plastic is not a childs toy. Really?
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on August 15, 2012, 02:59:51 PM
A sign I saw yesterday:

"My husband and I are doing a Workshop.
  He works . . . and I shop!"


That sounds good to me!!   ;D
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on August 16, 2012, 02:48:54 PM
Another sign I saw:

"I'm in shape . . . round is a shape, isn't it?"

 ;D
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on October 06, 2012, 06:20:38 PM
This is an older post of mine from the 2010 Laughter thread, but I came across it, and laughed again, so here it is again . . . . . (good thing with brain fog, we can laugh about the same things over and over!!  ;))

       
Female Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,
male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer,
every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be female.

We should've known.

Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all
around the world in one night and not get lost.

  ;D
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: susanep on October 08, 2012, 01:21:07 AM
Hey, I laughed!  8)

susanep
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 07:57:30 AM
I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, "You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost."
Texasgranny
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:02:45 AM
The DVD player had conked out and we weren't able to watch the movie we'd rented. Then my husband had a brilliant idea: "Why don't we use the PlayStation?" We pushed all the buttons, but couldn't get it to work, so we gave up and went upstairs. We were reading in bed when our 17-year-old son appeared in our doorway.
"Someone left a DVD in my PlayStation," he said.
"We were trying to watch a movie on it," my husband admitted, "but we couldn't get past the parental control screen."
"What a shame," our son said as he smiled and closed the door.

Texasgranny
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:35:35 AM
One of my favorite posters:

The floggings shall continue until morale and enthusiasm improve.
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:40:33 AM
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I sudenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better ... I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me ...
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

... and how was your day?
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:43:10 AM
On my birthday I got a really funny card from a friend. It joked about how our bodies might be getting older, but our minds were still "tarp as shacks." I wanted to thank the friend who sent the card, but I couldn't. She forgot to sign it.
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:47:30 AM
A policeman at a train station noticed a lady bowed over the steering wheel of her car in discomfort. He walked over and asked if she was all right.
Half crying and half laughing, the said, "For ten years I've driven my husband to catch his train. This morning I forgot him!"
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:48:33 AM
Printed on the back of a leather jacket worn by a motorcyclist: "If you can read this, my girlfriend fell off."
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:53:04 AM
At the police station, Bubba explaied to the police officer why his cousin shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "we was havin' a good time drinking when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, do ya fellows wanna go hunting?'
"And then what happened?" the officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'I'm game.'"
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 08:58:41 AM
Some of my favorite signs:

In a non-smoking area -- "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action."

In the front yard of a funeral home -- "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Outside a muffler shop -- "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

On an electrician's truck -- "Let us remove your shorts."
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 09:03:28 AM
Some of my grandkids favorites:

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
     Because it scares the dog.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
     Anyone can roast beef.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
     Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
     Tame way, unique up on it.
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Texasgranny on October 08, 2012, 09:10:27 AM
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: irish on October 08, 2012, 09:08:56 PM
Texasgranny, Those are so funny. The ipod one really got me!! Thanks for the lift! Irish
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on October 25, 2012, 05:10:58 PM
Saw this on someone's Facebook page today:

"Whatever you do always give 100%.

Unless you're donating blood."


Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Peony on November 05, 2012, 06:50:02 PM
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

Bucky great  idea and so cool how many shares :)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: xANTHONYx on November 05, 2012, 07:31:40 PM
(http://i47.tinypic.com/vgg1y.jpg)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Liz D. on November 06, 2012, 06:34:02 AM
These are great!!  It is so good for us to laugh.

Heard this one the other day:

A man and his wife were driving down the highway when a policeman pulled them over.  The policeman said to the man, "Did you know your wife fell out of the car two miles ago?"

The man said, "Oh, thank goodness.   I thought I was going deaf!"

Liz D.
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: A66eyroad on November 06, 2012, 07:11:07 AM
I bought the cutest pink and gray paisley slip for a quarter at a yard sale on Saturday! I couldn't wait to wear it to work -- not that anyone would see it, of course, but I love nice undies.

So I was walking from the parking garage to my building using the pedway over the road yesterday morning when I felt something weird tickle my knee. I stopped and looked down.

And my lovely new slip fell right right down around my ankles.

I looked around quickly to see if I'd been caught --- and there was a woman walking behind me trying not to laugh. I whispered to her, "I guess I've lost too much weight."

Lesson learned:  If someone is getting rid of something that cute, there MUST be something wrong with it.

(Hint: Check the elastic twice.)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: xANTHONYx on November 07, 2012, 06:42:24 AM
(http://i49.tinypic.com/sl3bcl.jpg)
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on November 10, 2012, 05:26:41 PM
Saw this on Facebook -

"Two little old ladies were attending a rather long church service.

One leaned over and whispered, "my butt is going to sleep."

"I know," replied her companion, "I heard it snore three times.""

                         
Now, come on, I know you at least smiled a little reading that.   ;)  :)

Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Bucky on November 10, 2012, 11:30:04 PM
I posted this two years ago and just came across it again when I was sorting through some papers this weekend.


My Favorite Things for Older People
(or people with Sjogren's, whichever the case may be . .  ;) )

(this is to the tune of the song, "My Favorite Things")

Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinin,
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, when the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.


Author - ? . . . . taken off the internet
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: A66eyroad on November 12, 2012, 05:29:59 AM
Here's a T-shirt I saw the other day:

The Optimist says the glass is half full.
The Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
The Engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Title: Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
Post by: Daisy1234 on December 18, 2012, 03:37:14 PM
Why women should avoid a girls night out after they are married
 
The other night I was invited out for a night out with the "girls".  I told my husband emphatically that I would be home that night by midnight and said "I promise!!!!".  Well, the hours with the girls passed too quickly and all of the margaritas went down way too easily.  So, it wasn't until almost 3am that I finally noticed the time and went home (a bit loaded). 

Just as I walked in the front door...... the cuckoo clock in our hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing that my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.  Even though I was totally smashed, I had been able to quickly figure that 3 cuckoos plus 9 would equal 12 which is Midnight!!!!!  I was really very proud of myself for coming up with such a quick witted solution in order to avoid any conflict with my husband and reacting so quickly.  Then I crawled into bed as quiet as I could and fell asleep.
 
The next morning my husband asked me what time I had gotten in the night before and I immediately responded "Midnight!!!!" and he didn't seem the littlest bit annoyed about it at all.  "Whew" I said to myself, I got away with that one! 

But then my husband said, "I think we need a new cuckcoo clock". 
When I asked him why, he said that last night in the middle of the night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said "Oh Sh*t!", then cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.