Author Topic: Overcommitted !!!  (Read 183 times)

Deb 27

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 723
Overcommitted !!!
« on: July 05, 2019, 02:39:09 PM »
Ok, it's another holiday, I have overcommitted and feel frustrated. We don't live near either of our families and it's getting hard now that we are in our 60's with health issues. I guess we are going to have to try hard to make them understand. It's hard because we want to be there. Also, it's like we are the ones who are always doing the visiting and they don't come to see us....... I hate losing touch with family but I need to get it in my stubborn brain to say no  more. They feel since we moved away, we need to come back for everything. Tough decisions.............

Ok, I just needed too vent............ Thanks, as always, for listening.
Sjogrens and RA,  Morphea (skin scleroderma), Hashimoto's, 
Nexium, synthroid, HRT, plaquenil,  Restasis, Maxi-tears supplement, L-glutathionne, CoQ10, folate, trintillex,  multi vitamin. lisinopril.

Joe S.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7655
  • Fibro, Sjs, RA, CNS, Diabetes, TIA's, ADHD, ptsd
    • Chakra Force
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #1 on: July 05, 2019, 07:42:14 PM »
I know it is very hard to do, but for your own health and sanity, please learn to say, "NO".
bkn C4 & C5, herniation's 7 n, 5 t, 4 l, Nerve Damage
Lisinopril, Amlodipine, Pantoprazole, Metformin, Furosemide, Glimepiride,
Centrum Silver, Cinnamon, Magnesium, Flaxseed, Inositol, D3, ALA, ALC, Aleve, cistanche
Reiki, reflexology, meditation, electro-herbalism

eye2dry

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 625
  • Sjogrens, RA, hypothyroid
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #2 on: July 05, 2019, 08:26:04 PM »
I know how you feel. Since the early 90s I have always had the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays at my home.
I would prefer to be the visitor.

Hosting holidays is a lot of work. Cleaning before and afterwards, I do majority of the cooking. The expense
,etc.......not to mention shopping for gifts as well.

I mentioned at one dinner that someone else could step up and have it one year.
From my daughter I heard " you know you like to do it mom"
From a guest " you would really come to my house for Thanksgiving?"
and I said " I sure would"
that was 5 years ago and that guest never had it at their place.

I am 61 and feel once I get too old or too sick or die.....holidays in thus family will cease to exist.

Eye2dry
medications: synthroid- Cymbalta- plaquenil- lots of supplements

***Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am***

sixty

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 142
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #3 on: July 05, 2019, 09:20:35 PM »
I would urge you all to say a big fat NO!  It really does affect your health and sanity and it also gets easier and easier the more you decline to host or attend or whatever.  You will like yourself more for it.

irish

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 13305
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #4 on: July 05, 2019, 11:10:58 PM »
I get where you are coming from.  People don't know what it entails to have ill health and make he effort to attend activities. I had a thought.... You are going to say no and explain that it is becoming too hard on you to do these trips.

Maybe suggest that you will have a bring a dish to pass event at your place every year or so. Have people come and help with tables and making coffee, etc. That way you could keep in touch. Just a thought. These days to come.... and people think we look so good!! Good luck. Irish

ohiolady

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2198
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #5 on: July 06, 2019, 02:09:59 PM »
Shelly,

My daughter says the same thing. I am now soon approaching 64 and it would be nice for someone to take over.  I don?t see it happening. I?ve always been the Suzy homemaker in the family, but chronic illness makes it less enjoyable. Anyway, I say all of that to say I understand.

Anna
SJS  Hashimoto's   Mild Raynauds  GERD  Gastroparesis
Restasis, Evoxac, Dexilant,  Domperidone, Zofran and Synthroid. Fish Oil, Vit D and B12  R lipoic acid,  Acetyl L Cartnine, Vitamin B1, and The Perfect Food Green and Fruit supplement

Kidney Cancer Survivor   
Female   Age: 62

Skylar

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 109
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2019, 06:40:11 AM »
It?s always hard to change traditions but sometimes you do have to say NO as others have posted. It?s not too early to make changes for Thanksgiving..... do it now, don?t wait too close to the holiday so people have a chance to adapt to the new plans.

DH and I, like you do most of the traveling but right now we don?t mind it. We?re planning when DH retires of moving closer. Maybe a move back is in your future too?

Deb 27

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 723
Re: Overcommitted !!!
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2019, 01:51:25 PM »
Joe, I actually do say NO a lot. I think my main problem is that my expectations of what I can do are just too high. I think of myself before I got SJS and was a lot younger. I see my friends going an doing and think I can do it too........
We don't live near either family, so we actually do say no a lot to family events.

Skylar, I won't move back to my home town, too hot, humid, crowded and now too expensive. I hope you get to move if that's what you want.

Eye2dry, I can sympathize.  I don't know what it takes for people to step up!!! It seems like the younger generation will keep letting the older generation do things until we can't stand up anymore.

Irish, there is no way they'd come here unless it's for my funeral and I wonder if many would bother with that!!! Seriously!
I was the one who moved away, they are all in the home town......... They think I should be there every holiday, so believe me, I say no a lot but need to do it more. I am getting better as I practice.




Sjogrens and RA,  Morphea (skin scleroderma), Hashimoto's, 
Nexium, synthroid, HRT, plaquenil,  Restasis, Maxi-tears supplement, L-glutathionne, CoQ10, folate, trintillex,  multi vitamin. lisinopril.