Author Topic: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .  (Read 13562 times)

jpd54

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 445
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #45 on: September 27, 2013, 08:34:45 AM »
   What do you call a fake noodle???        an impasta


              Jennifer

    Have a great Friday!!!!!
SJS, Fibro, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, GERD, Rosacea, TMJ

Celebrex, Gabapentin, Lasix, Potassium,Hydroxychloroquine, Lexapro, Lisinopril / Hydrochlorothiazide, Linzess, Metoclopram, Nexium, Oracea, Savella, Simvastatin, Vitamin D, Voltaren

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #46 on: October 25, 2013, 02:34:25 PM »

Grandmother Joke

It was Timmy's 5th birthday and he was joyfully opening all the presents he received.

He saved the biggest for last, so it took a while until he got to opening Grandma"s present.

"Wow" Timmy exclaimed in delight, upon seeing the mini drum set that his Grandmother got for him.

"Thanks Grandma, this is just what I wanted."

It was after Timmy went to bed that Timmy's mother approached her mother. "Ma, I'm surprised at you, don't you remember how it used to drive you crazy when we used to play the drums in the house growing up?"

Grandma smiled and then said "I remember, of course I remember".    ;D


Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

Katybarstool

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3994
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #47 on: October 27, 2013, 08:53:09 AM »
Divine retribution :)

slccom

  • Guest
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #48 on: October 28, 2013, 08:35:39 AM »
An old man calls his son and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

?We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,? he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister and tell her," and he hangs up.

Now, the son is worried. He calls his sister. She says, "Like heck they?re getting divorced!" She calls their father immediately. "You?re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing. The two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper. DO YOU HEAR ME?? She hangs up the phone.

The old man turns to his wife and says, "Okay, they?re both coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #49 on: October 28, 2013, 04:24:54 PM »
Seen on Facebook . . . .

Health Warning!!!

Do not shampoo in the shower!


DO NOT wash your hair in the shower!! It's so good to finally get a health warning that is useful!!!

IT INVOLVES THE SHAMPOO WHEN IT RUNS DOWN YOUR BODY WHEN YOU SHOWER WITH IT. WARNING TO US ALL!!!

I don't know WHY I didn't figure this out sooner!

I use shampoo in the shower! When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body, and printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this warning: "FOR EXTRA BODY AND VOLUME". No wonder I have been gaining weight!

Well - I got rid of that shampoo and I am going to start showering with Dawn Dishwashing Soap. It's label reads, "DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO REMOVE".  Problem solved!

If I don't answer the phone, I'll be in the shower!

 ;D

Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

shay0425

  • Guest
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #50 on: October 29, 2013, 05:10:08 AM »
Hahaha!  Good one!

Katybarstool

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3994
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #51 on: October 31, 2013, 01:58:01 PM »
Sharon

I read your story to my family - they howled with laughter!

Mrs Bucky, Im going to try the Dawn Dishwashing soap:)

Kathyx

Pisces24

  • Guest
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #52 on: November 01, 2013, 04:51:19 PM »
That is as bad as orange juice. You ever see the frozen "tubes" of concentrate that you just add water to?  They cost about $1 or so. ----THEN you have the containers of orange juice right by the milk that cost around $3-$4.  It say "right on the container"  Made from Concentrate.
So you are basically paying another $2-$3 dollars for someone else to add the water! Boy are we consumers all getting lazy.  ;)

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #53 on: November 07, 2013, 04:15:25 PM »
A manager at Walmart had the task of hiring someone to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes, he found four people who were equally qualified. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table, the interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?"

The first man replied, "A thought. It just pops into your head. There's no warning." "That's very good!" replied the interviewer.

"And, now you sir?" he asked the second man. "Hmm, let me see, a blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of." "Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye, that's a very popular clich? for speed."

He then turned to the third man, who was contemplating his reply. "Well, out at my dad's ranch, you step out of the house, and on the wall there's a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture, the light on the barn comes on in less than an instant. Yep, turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of." The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. "It's hard to beat the speed of light," he said.

Turning to Bubba, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Old Bubba replied, "After hearing the previous three answers, it's obvious to me that the fastest thing known is Diarrhea." "What!?" said the interviewer, stunned by the response. "Oh sure," said Bubba. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so good, and I ran for the bathroom, but before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I had already messed my pants." Bubba is now the new greeter at a Walmart near you!

 ~~~~~ The Laugh Factory Comedy Network ~~~~~
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #54 on: December 11, 2013, 09:47:49 AM »
I was sorting through some papers yesterday and came across this one - I posted it here a couple years back, re-reading it, it brought a laugh, so I thought I would post it again.   ;D  (you know us Sjoggies, with our brain fog, some times an oldie seems like a new one to us . . LOL)


The Arrogance of Authority

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with an old rancher.  He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there . . . ," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?!  This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . on any land!!  No questions asked or answers given!!  Have I made myself clear . . do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . .

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety.

The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs . . .

(I just love this part . . . )

"Your badge, show him your BADGE . . .!!"


 ;D   ;D   ;D
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #55 on: December 14, 2013, 09:26:50 AM »
This is an older post of mine from the 2010 & 2012 Laughter thread, but I came across it, and laughed again, so here it is again . . . . . (good thing with brain fog, we can laugh about the same things over and over!!  ;))

       
Female Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,
male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer,
every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be female.

We should've known.

Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all
around the world in one night and not get lost.

  ;D
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

jpd54

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 445
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #56 on: December 16, 2013, 10:04:46 AM »
Just before Christmas, there was an honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus travelling in a lift of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $5 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up??

Santa of course, the other two don't exist!

     Have a Merry Christmas!!!


                                Jennifer
SJS, Fibro, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, GERD, Rosacea, TMJ

Celebrex, Gabapentin, Lasix, Potassium,Hydroxychloroquine, Lexapro, Lisinopril / Hydrochlorothiazide, Linzess, Metoclopram, Nexium, Oracea, Savella, Simvastatin, Vitamin D, Voltaren

Katybarstool

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3994
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #57 on: December 16, 2013, 12:54:01 PM »
Jennifer, I love that.

Keep 'em coming Mrs Bucky too!

Kathyx

jpd54

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 445
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #58 on: December 17, 2013, 09:38:25 AM »
Thanks!  I thought it was funny even if my husband is a lawyer!   hahaha

                         Jennifer
SJS, Fibro, Osteoarthritis, Osteoporosis, GERD, Rosacea, TMJ

Celebrex, Gabapentin, Lasix, Potassium,Hydroxychloroquine, Lexapro, Lisinopril / Hydrochlorothiazide, Linzess, Metoclopram, Nexium, Oracea, Savella, Simvastatin, Vitamin D, Voltaren

Velcro

  • Guest
Re: 2013 - Laughter is the best medicine . . . .
« Reply #59 on: December 17, 2013, 11:07:00 AM »
This guy goes into his dentist's office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, "Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?"

"Well... the only thing I can think of is this... my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it... Hollandaise sauce she called it... and doctor, I'm talkin' DELICIOUS! I've never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I've been putting it on everything... meat, fish, toast, vegetables... you name it!" "That's probabably it," replied the dentist "Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I'll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time."

"Why chrome?" the man asked. "Well, everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"