Author Topic: Lost my sister and am in a flare  (Read 6561 times)

4Kids

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Lost my sister and am in a flare
« on: May 15, 2012, 03:53:00 PM »
She was 33. It was likely an accidental drug overdose.  She battled mental health troubles (bipolar, manic, concurrent personality disorders) and addictions for a good 16-20 years. It is awful.  I am having a hard time processing it, it is 20 months after the death of my mother. A lot of my family wants to not acknowledge her struggles at her funeral. I feel like they are trying to make her someone she wasn't. Like, she never fit in and nothing was ever good enough, and now they are burying some person who didn't exist. Maybe once the funeral happens I will feel better.

My youngest son clapped me in the face on the parotids on Sunday with both hands, hard. And now my face is hurting, right through to the bottom of my teeth and a bit swollen. I am congested and I feel like I am wearing the dreaded lead pajamas. I do not know if I should just bite the bullet and ask the dr for a light steroid dose or if I just rest up and go with a swollen hurting face. It is not huge swelling, but it is puffy and there.  I know trauma causes flares and so does huge slaps to the parotids.

I am breathing in and out I am calm. I am upset and grieving though while I am fairly calm.
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Iris

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2012, 04:02:11 PM »
I am so sorry, 4Kids.. I'll be praying for you.. 
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eyeamdry

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2012, 04:13:33 PM »
Sorry for the loss of your sister 4 kids.  It is especially poignant because of her method or cause of death.  Perhaps you  all can remember her good times right now and just try to get through the funeral.  Things will go back to a new normal after awhile.  If you need to deal with any issues between you and your sister and they are still bothering you, see about seeing a therapist later.  Hopefully, you'll be ok.  Lucy

Sleepy In Seattle

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2012, 04:15:41 PM »
Oh my goodness - I am so sorry.  :(

It seems like it's never just one cruddy thing at a time, is it?

What about getting some steroids "just in case" but not taking them unless you really need them? Sometimes just having them on hand can help you feel calmer and work through things...kinda like a security blanket, LOL....

Be sure to be kind to yourself. Eat foods you like, drink LOTS of water, get extra rest. Let the housework go a little bit and be gentle with yourself. Buy some silly magazines, watch a good movie. And know we're out here thinking of you!!!!
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susan

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2012, 04:18:41 PM »
I am so very sorry for the loss of your sister. It has been almost 3 years since my sister died in a murder-suicide situation. Loss of a sibling is tough, and I think when mental health or substance abuse is involved, some friends or family are unable to understand.

It takes time to process. I will be thinking of you; feel free to pm me if you wish!

I saw a psychologist for awhile as I had trouble getting a grip on the violence of her death---it was worth my time and money.

Also, take care of your health. My symptoms worsened during the worst of the grief.
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Daisy1234

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2012, 04:46:42 PM »
Dear 4Kids:

My heart truly goes out to you and I am sending all my energies to surround you and lend you all the strength I have.  Your sister's loss is very very tragic and the shock of the suddenness of it all has of course hit you so hard.  Extreme stress like this would send anyone into a spin.  It does you credit that you are able to remain calm, I so admire you for that.  I am so very very sorry for your loss.

Just be kind to yourself right now, only do what absolutely needs to be done and try your best to take care of yourself.  Tears can be healing as well, even if the ones we shed are dry tears. 

Sending many gentle hugs,
Daisy

Gayle

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2012, 05:01:05 PM »
Dear 4kids,

I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. We all have our own life to live and it can easily be said that many can't accept us when we are alive much less when we are gone. It is hard for them and maybe they want to create a 'better' memory. Just take care of yourself and know we are all out here, ready to lend a shoulder to cry on. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
Gayle

eye2dry

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2012, 05:08:35 PM »
So sorry to hear this.....yes, you are grieving....you are entitled to do so. After the funeral settles down and you no longer hear disturbing comments by others....this grieving process will go forward much better.

Take care.....


eeye2dry

Carebear

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2012, 05:13:27 PM »
Dear 4Kids,

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your sister.  It is awful, as you said.  I lost my brother in a similar way, 27 years ago.   I hope you have someone close to you who you can talk to.  That was how I got through it anyway.

As for your flare, why not see your doctor about it?  You are dealing with enough right now.  Take care of yourself.   I'm glad you were able to share with us.



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Ark mom

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2012, 05:29:48 PM »
4kids, what a tragedy for you and your family.  I am truly saddened for you.  I do not have an advice, but I just want you to know that I am here for you, to listen, to care.  Hugs, Hannah
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Cindy

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2012, 05:39:17 PM »
Im sorry for your loss, losing a sister must be really hard. I be praying for your family,

I hope your swelling goes down really soon and you don't need steroids.

Scottietottie

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2012, 05:52:29 PM »
Hi

I'm sorry you are going through this. Grieving is certainly enough to bring on a flare. It's probably the biggest stressor of all.

Take care - Scottie
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mshistory

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #12 on: May 15, 2012, 06:27:45 PM »
I am so sorry for your loss. Saying a prayer for you and your family.
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Bucky

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #13 on: May 15, 2012, 09:23:16 PM »
I''m so sorry for the loss of your sister. 

With sympathy to you and your family.

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KarenR

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Re: Lost my sister and am in a flare
« Reply #14 on: May 15, 2012, 11:22:59 PM »
Dear 4kids,

Even though others may want to skip over the details of your sister's life and death, the one thing everyone will agree on is that she is now at peace. Take care of yourself now.

Karen R