Author Topic: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .  (Read 14893 times)

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« on: January 03, 2012, 02:19:38 PM »
It's a brand new year, time to start another new thread of "Laughter is the Best Medicine".

I really think that laughter is important.  Something to cheer us up and bring a smile to our face.

So let the laughter begin . . . . .


Finally, after six girls, Luke's wife had a boy.  But he had only a head - nothing else.  Luke didn't care, though.  He was just happy to have a boy.

On his kid's 21st birthday, Luke took him to a bar.  "A shot of your best Scotch," he ordered.

The boy drank it, and -- POOF -- he grew a neck.  Amazed, Luke then ordered another and -- POOF -- a torso sprouted.

"Keep 'em coming!" Luke shouted.  Eventually, the boy had a whole body.  Everyone cheered, his father loudest of all.

Tipsy, the boy stood on his new legs and stumbled to the left . . and to the right . . and out the front door and into the path of a truck.

The bar fell silent.

"You know," the bartender said.  "He should have quit while he was a head."

Submitted by Ashleigh Williams     Reader's Digest April 2005

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, this was on short notice - I'll keep looking for some good ones.   ;)

In the meantime, got any good, clean jokes or real stories to share?

Bucky
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

WildThing

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #1 on: January 04, 2012, 10:21:41 AM »
I can't say I'll ever be able to find any 'clean' jokes as I am a Carry On fan.  However I have got some quotes here from guenuine letters to various councils in the UK from very stupid people.  I've cleaned them up as much as I can:

Genuine Council Complaints
extracts from letters sent to various Councils and Housing Associations throughout the U.K.


I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.


reallyneedsanap

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #2 on: January 04, 2012, 10:53:28 AM »
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Ow, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Ow, even THAT hurts", she cried.

The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."


Winnie

  • Sr. Member
  • ****
  • Posts: 429
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2012, 07:45:08 AM »
Well, I love jokes and I have heard many of them, but there is a problem......I can't remember the joke long enough to tell someone or post one.   :( I guess I will have to ask around for some jokes and write them down for us.

Winnie
Sicca Syndrome-Aug 11', osteopenia, IBS-C, gastritis, GERD
Plaquenil, Dexilant, Vit D, Calcium, gluten free, dairy, egg & nut intolerances

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2012, 02:18:30 PM »
Taken from my files.  OK - these jokes could be for any hair color - brunettes, redheads, etc., not to offend anyone, but for purposes here, let's just use blonde hair.   ;)

                                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.

The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.

The husband said, 'Who was that?'

The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'"

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'

The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'

So, the first blonde hands her the compact.

The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, ... I know 'em all.'

A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'

The blonde replies,'Oh, that's easy ....... it's W.'

                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.

The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.

Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.  I call the police for help, and what do they do?, they send me a BLIND policeman!'

Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

susanep

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3661
  • Each Day Is A Miracle !
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2012, 07:25:23 PM »
Laughter is the best medicine, and I try to laugh about things all I can at home even if it's kinda stupid like.  ;D

Sorry I don't have a good joke at this time, but just wanted to make my comment and slip out the back door.  ;)

susanep :)
Sjogren's, Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Hypothyroid, Fibro, Sleep Apnea, Diabetes 2, Asthma, and Gerd.  (Meds I take) Omeprazole, Pilocarpine, Levothyroxine, Effexor, Cpap, Aspirin, Mobic, Prilosec,, Xanax, Restasis, Systane,Vitamin D3, Plaquenil, Gabapentin, Provigil , Advair, Nasonex, and Proventi

Pisces24

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #6 on: January 28, 2012, 07:07:31 AM »
I had to laugh about the one with the blind policeman.  I am always asking other drivers if they need a Seeing Eye Dog to drive.  ::)

Scottietottie

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 9176
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #7 on: January 28, 2012, 08:50:36 AM »
An exchange I overheard the other day:

Teen 1:  arrrgh - my throat hurts. What makes a throat hurt?

Teen 2: Maybe you got tonsilitis?

Teen 1: What's tonsilitis?

Teen 2: Well it makes your throat hurt and you grow balls at the back of it...........
http://sjogrensworld.org/   (our home page)
http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)
https://kiwiirc.com/client/irc.dal.net  (way to chat + nickname and #Sjogrensworld)


Never do tomorrow what you can put off till the day after tomorrow!

Daisy1234

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #8 on: January 31, 2012, 05:04:54 AM »
A urologist's license plate:

2 P C ME




Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #9 on: January 31, 2012, 10:24:11 PM »
Everyone has posted some funny stuff.   ;D

Here's one that was sent to me - it's suppose to be a true story:

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"

He said "No, but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me '.

Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available".

George said, "Okay".

He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.

Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

Joe S.

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 7665
  • Fibro, Sjs, RA, CNS, Diabetes, TIA's, ADHD, ptsd
    • Chakra Force
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2012, 03:17:58 AM »
I had taken my mother for Physical Therapy and as we left, we were stuck in slow traffic behind a silver/grey minivan. The yield sign in the window said "Children on Board". There were no bumper stickers to read so I looked at the license plate. It took me a couple of attempts to understand it but I did like what it said "PB4UGO".
bkn C4 & C5, herniation's 7 n, 5 t, 4 l, Nerve Damage
Lisinopril, Amlodipine, Pantoprazole, Metformin, Furosemide, Glimepiride,
Centrum Silver, Cinnamon, Magnesium, Flaxseed, Inositol, D3, ALA, ALC, Aleve, cistanche
Reiki, reflexology, meditation, electro-herbalism

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #11 on: February 04, 2012, 11:55:19 AM »
I have to agree with Maxine - "My idea of a Super Bowl is a toilet that cleans itself."   :D

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love to sit behind a vehicle and try and figure out what their license plate says.  Those were two good ones Daisy & Joe.

Bucky
« Last Edit: February 07, 2012, 06:06:16 AM by Bucky »
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)

Pisces24

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #12 on: February 04, 2012, 02:10:44 PM »
This isn't really a HaHa one but a For Gee Whiz one.

Both me and my cat have sinus infections are on antibiotics now.    Thankfully we are not blaming one for making the other sick but the cat did have her's first and I did have one specialist tell me long ago "it was probably the cat's fault".  ::) ;) ;D

MissyLouWho?

  • Guest
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #13 on: February 06, 2012, 07:31:43 PM »
This isn't really a HaHa one but a For Gee Whiz one.

Both me and my cat have sinus infections are on antibiotics now.    Thankfully we are not blaming one for making the other sick but the cat did have her's first and I did have one specialist tell me long ago "it was probably the cat's fault".  ::) ;) ;D
I laughed out loud at that!  Just this evening I saw my 9 year old daughter's teacher (who had been sick) and she jokingly said my daughter had given it to her.  My daughter (never the one to accept blame for anything) quickly said that it was her pet rabbit's fault because HE was sick first so she can come over any time and yell at HIM for getting her sick  ;).

Bucky

  • Global Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 3643
Re: 2012 - Laughter is the Best Medicine . . . .
« Reply #14 on: February 25, 2012, 04:57:52 PM »
I've been looking through some old posts tonight and came upon the Laughter thread from 2009.  Even though I have read these posts many times, I was sitting here tonight re-reading them and laughing all over again.   ;D

So, thought I would share them with you all.

Two things you NEED to do first before reading this thread . . . . 1)  Make a visit to the bathroom before reading these.  2)  Don't have any liquids in your mouth while reading these.  LOL

Enjoy . . . . .

http://sjogrensworld.org/forums/index.php?topic=10427.0

Bucky
Come sit a spell and join in live chat - we serve non-fattening, zero calorie goodies while discussing all kinds of things.  ;D

http://www.sjogrensworld.org/chats.htm   (find our chat times here!)