Author Topic: Laughter is the best medicine . . .  (Read 45538 times)

Catilee2

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #165 on: October 06, 2010, 02:45:26 PM »
Thank you Bucky for reviving these chuckles!!!!
 
Catilee 2
   
           

Jag

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #166 on: October 06, 2010, 05:44:48 PM »
I have two German Shepherds. One is not very bright, but has learned to potty on command. This is good, because she will stand in the yard and bark into the dark (she's afraid of the dark, I think) until you yell out "Go potty!" This worked well for us until....

I rescued an African Grey from a bad situation. We'd had her for a few months, and her vocabulary was expanding. When she'd learn something new to say, she 'plays' with the words, saying them in a questioning voice, a soft voice, etc. Now for those that don't know, they don't talk like a 'typical' parrot. They speak like humans, even mimicking different voices in the house. She's many times made me think my wife was home and talking to me when she was not. Then came the day we dreaded, when she started playing with the words "Go potty". We talked about it, and thought that the dogs would be able to tell her voice from ours...with their good hearing. NOPE. One day, the Grey belted out (in my voice) "Go potty!" and my dingy shepherd dropped and went on the livingroom carpet.

Hard lessons learned-
Parrots are smarter than dogs... no matter what kind or how well they hear
Don't teach your dog to potty on command if you'll ever have a parrot


On the other hand, she has a good time calling the dogs to her to tell them to go lay down!
« Last Edit: October 06, 2010, 05:47:49 PM by Jag »

Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #167 on: October 06, 2010, 07:10:17 PM »
Jag - how funny!!   ;D  I'm sure you did NOT appreciate the grey learning "go potty"!!

Thanks for sharing . . . .

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Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #168 on: October 08, 2010, 01:44:43 PM »
                           Female Reindeer

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game,
while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year,
male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter,
usually late November to mid-December.

Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer,
every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen - had to be female.

We should've known.

Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all
around the world in one night and not get lost.


Taken off the internet.      ;D
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Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #169 on: November 08, 2010, 02:46:17 PM »
From Andy Rooney:

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?"  She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.  They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one.  You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you Andy.  Here, Here . . . I raise my glass of water to you on behalf of the women in the Fifty and Above Club.   ;D  We ARE pretty awesome, if I say so myself!   ;D

Bucky

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Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #170 on: November 12, 2010, 09:25:35 AM »
Maxine and Fall . . . . .

I could go on a hayride, or I could shove sharp sticks down my pants.  Same difference.
                                     
I use a leaf blower on my lawn.  It's called "the wind".

I'm going south for the winter . . . actually . . . some parts of me are headed there already!

I love a brisk fall breeze, especially when the leaves blow into the neighbors yard.

I always start running in the fall - not all of me, just my nose.


                                             
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Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #171 on: November 22, 2010, 10:59:55 AM »
Twas the night of Thanksgiving,
But I just couldn't sleep.
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned -
The dark meat and white,
But I fought the temptation
With all of my might.

Tossing and turning with anticipation,
The thought of a snack became infatuation.
So, I raced to the kitchen, flung open the door,
And gazed at the fridge, full of goodies galore.
Gobbled up turkey and buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots, beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling so plump and so round,
'Til all of a sudden, I rose off the ground.
I crashed through the ceiling, floating into the sky,
With a mouthful of pudding and a handful of pie.
But, I managed to yell as I soared past the trees . . .
Happy eating to all - pass the cranberries, please.
                                  ~ ~ ~

May your stuffing be tasty,
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes 'n gravy have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious,
May your pies take the prize,
May your Thanksgiving dinner stay off of your thighs!!
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navydad

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #172 on: November 22, 2010, 11:05:03 AM »
From Andy Rooney:

As I grow in age, I value women over 50 most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 50 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, "What are you thinking?"  She doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 50 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it.  She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.

Women over 50 are dignified.  They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant.  Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved.  They know what it's like to be unappreciated.

Women get psychic as they age.  You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 50.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 50 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest.  They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one.  You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you Andy.  Here, Here . . . I raise my glass of water to you on behalf of the women in the Fifty and Above Club.   ;D  We ARE pretty awesome, if I say so myself!   ;D

Bucky         Not many people know this but Andy was a war reporter during WW2,,, for stars and stripes



navydad

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #173 on: November 22, 2010, 11:08:31 AM »
Well one day at 1PM my wife and I sat down to watch the steelers play,, my wife said ,, I like 4 PM games better then 1PM starts,, I said that makes it easier for Mike,, Mike was stationed at Pearl Harbor at the time,, and I said,, just think how bad it has to b for him to watch a 1PM game there,, it may be 1PM here,, but its only 7AM there,, she said,, and I quote,, do you mean he knows the score of the game before we do,,, ahh ya hon,, thats why were millionaires from me placing bets on the point spread,,

jordozmom

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #174 on: December 21, 2010, 12:17:28 PM »
This happened a few weeks ago and for some reason it still cracks me up.  You all know just how tired we can get and how brain fog can settle in.  Well it was about 9:30 p.m. and I had worked all day and had made dinner and cleaned up and was getting ready to crash in bed when my son declared he needed more lunch money in his account or he wouldn't be able to get lunch at school the next day (of course, he'd been watching TV all night and it didn't occur to him until I was going to bed to tell me - typical teenager).  So I begrudgingly threw myself into the stool at the island and opened my laptop and logged onto his school account where you can deposit lunch money (with a credit/debit card) electronically and decided while I was there that I'd check his grades.  There I found a B- on his last math test, which he had sworn up and down that he had studied hard for, though I didn't actually see him doing any studying.  Well, I was irritated anyway about the last minute lunch money thing so I decided to question it.  I said, "Could you please explain to me how you ended up with a B negative on that math test?"  My son and husband looked at each other and then gave me the strangest look.  So I repeated myself, "Hello?!  Can you tell me how you ended up with a B negative on that test?!"  Well that just got them rolling.  I looked at them like they had both just lost their minds.  What is wrong with these chuckleheads?!  Finally my son looked at me and said, "Don't you mean B minus, Mom?"  Thought I was going to die laughing.  I was so tired and fatigued that I said it was a B negative.
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irish

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #175 on: December 21, 2010, 12:58:20 PM »
I just caught up with my jokes and there are some good ones on here.

When I read the one about the football it reminded me of something I had heard on TV the other day. Seems like with the damaged roof on the stadium ( I assume the MN stadium that had snow damage) one of the teams that is from the south was wondering how they would ever be able to play a game in the cold.

Remember in the old days when all the games were played in the cold and snow?? Anyway, the coach came up with a novel idea. He brought the footballs to practice and dumped them out of the big sack onto the ground. The players tried to pick them up and they were hard.

They couldn't figure out what was going on until the coach told them he had put the footballs in the freezer overnight and for them to just "deal with it". In other words they bloody well better learn how to play with a cold hard football. I had never even thought about this before. Irish ;D