Author Topic: Laughter is the best medicine . . .  (Read 47850 times)

SassieCat

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #135 on: June 26, 2010, 09:40:37 PM »
TOP CARE FOR THE ELDERLY.
 
 A man goes to visit his 85-year old grandpa in the hospital.
 "How are you grandpa?" He asks.
 "Feeling fine" says the old man.
  "What's the food like?"
 "Terrific, wonderful menus."
 "And the nursing?"
 "Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
 "What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"
 "No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet and that's it. I go out like a light."
 The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the nurse in charge.
 "What are you people doing" he says. "I'm told you're giving an 85 year old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"
 "Oh, yes" replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well."

 "The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

SassieCat

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #136 on: June 26, 2010, 09:43:26 PM »
How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

JUST TOO CUTE.   

This is the cleanest E-mail joke I've come across in a long while!

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter
'What are you doing?' She asked.
'Hunting Flies' He responded...
'Oh. ! Killing any?' She asked.
'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.
'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.

Bernice

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #137 on: June 28, 2010, 10:06:13 AM »
I have been away for a while now, but thought I would visit with you guys for a short while. I love this thread, it helps me to relax what with all the funnies and all.

But I have to take the time here to tell of a most strange occurance that happened to me, some might think it funny some may be just as upset as I was when it happened.

I went to the store last week to buy some items for my grand daughter who's visiting and demanding all of my time.

Well while I was in the store a lady and a man appraoched me they were a very friendly pair, they spoke of their beloved grandchildren, then walkded away pushing two full carts of grogreies, they went to the check out counter, the woman working there rung up their items then  I noticed they turned and pointed at me while speaking to her.

I smiled and nodded thinking nothing of it, we had just had a brief, but very pleaseant conversation.

Now it's time for me to check out I go to the same register, she adds up my items which should be no more than $80 bucks, but gives me a total of $365.95! I am shocked and tell her she must have made a mistake!

She tells me No! There's no mistake, mine plus your parents come to this total. That nice couple told her they were my parents and that I would pay their total! I paid my total and ran out the store hoping to stop them, they were just getting in a van after loading all the stolen items.  Trying to stop them I grabbed the old woman's leg and was pulling and pulling  on it, JUST LIKE I'M PULLING YOURS!

Katybarstool

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #138 on: June 28, 2010, 12:32:32 PM »
Bernice

Love your sense of humour, and I'm very glad to see you back.

Kathyx

Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #139 on: June 28, 2010, 03:37:32 PM »
HA HA Bernice . . . you had me going there for a minute!!!  I HAVE heard of this really happening before.

Hope your granddaughter isn't tiring you out too much and you are both making happy memories together.   ;D

Bucky
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Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #140 on: July 09, 2010, 11:08:37 AM »
Taken from my files . . . .


How old is Grandpa??

One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events.  The grandson asked his grandfather what he thought about the shootings at schools, the computer age, and things in general.  The Grandfather replied, "Well, let me think a minute, I was born before:

*  television     *  penicillin     *  the pill     *  Frisbees     *  polio shots     *  frozen foods     *  contact lenses     *  Xerox

There were no:

*  credit cards     *  laser beams     *ballpoint pens

Man had not invented:

*  pantyhose     *  air conditioners     *  dishwashers     *  clothes dryers

*  clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and

*  man hadn't yet walked on the moon

Your Grandmother and I got married first . . . then lived together.

Every family had a father and a mother.

Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, 'Sir', and after I turned 25, I still called policemen and every man with a title, 'Sir'.

We were before computer-dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy.

Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgement, and common sense.

We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions.

Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege.

We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent.

Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins.

Draft dodgers were people who closed their front doors when the evening breeze started.

Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends - not purchasing condominiums.

We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CD's, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

We had 5 & 10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents.

Ice cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel.

And if you didn't want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600.

But who could afford one?  Too bad, because gasoline was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

'grass' was mowed; 'coke' was a drink; 'pot' was something your mother cooked in; 'rock music' was your grandmother's lullaby; 'chip' meant a piece of wood; 'hardware' was found in a hardware store and 'software' wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby.  No wonder people call us 'old and confused' and say there is a generation gap . . . .

And how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind . . . you are in for a shock!

Read on to see - - pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

Are you ready?      This man would be only 64 years old!
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Katybarstool

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #141 on: July 09, 2010, 11:29:19 AM »
Wow, Mrs Bucky, that's certainly thought provoking. My DH is 60, I'm going to ask him for his version of events :)

Kathyx

LeoLady

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #142 on: July 10, 2010, 03:23:46 AM »
Hi Kathyx & All:

I just have to ask.  I've been seeing the initials DH throughout many threads and I've always wondered, being in the 60'ish crowd & not all that computer savvy, WHAT in the world does DH stand for?  Please advise which of the following is applicable..

1.  Don Ho                   5.  Dearest Hubby
2.  Darling Husband      6.  Decent Hu*p
3.  Delicious Hunk         7.  Daring Hero
4.  Dumb Hobo             8.  Dirty Harry

Whaaaat ??   ;D

LeoLady
 

Katybarstool

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #143 on: July 10, 2010, 02:08:39 PM »
LeoLady

When I'm in a good mood, it's number 2, when I'm not, it's number 4!!!

Kathyx

Bucky

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #144 on: July 11, 2010, 03:16:21 PM »
From my files . . . .


I'm retired . . . . . I was tired yesterday, and I'm tired again today.

 ;D

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SLEEPY101

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #145 on: July 12, 2010, 12:02:14 AM »
Have you watch the new comedy HOT IN CLEVLAND on TVLAND? It is crass but funny Betty White makes the show. I will quote a scene

Someone asked Betty whats up with old people and tracks suits

She said in the 20s you dress for Men
The 40s we dress for success
And in the 80s you dress for the bathroom!!!! lol

Check it out new shows are on Wed but repeats are on often

Carolina

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #146 on: July 12, 2010, 01:26:51 PM »
From my friend, on FB, about her 3 year old son:

When I sat down at the table to eat breakfast, the cat was in my chair.

I said, "Excuse me, Changa" and gently tilted the chair to encourage her departure.

I sat down and Andrew said, "Mom, was Changa in your chair?"

 I said, "Yes."

Apparently, not noticing that I had dumped the cat onto the floor, Andrew took a drink of milk and said,

"Is she [pause] in your butt?" . . .
Female-Elaine,78-CVID-pSJS-IC-PN-CAD-Osteoarthritis-COPD-SFN-Knee/Shoulder Degeneration-SIBO-Intertrigo-Act.Purpura-Raynaud's-Meniere's-Hiatal Hernia-Achalasia-IVIG Gamunex-Medrol-Gabapentin-Atenolol-Pilocarpine-LDN-Nasonex-Lipitor-Estrogel-D-Mannose-NAC-Co-Q10-D3-Omega 3-Naltrexone-Omeprazole-

SLEEPY101

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #147 on: July 12, 2010, 08:49:26 PM »
hehe Thx for sharing Carolina. I am a mother of 4 wih a well endowed backside so we thses situations often. lol

I was reading O THE PLACES WE GO by DR SUESS  to my four year old son.  The point go the story is that you can do anythingor go anywhere your heart desires.  I asked my son Damian where he would like to go. I told him he could to go to college, China,,Austatila wherever he wants.  I explained this him and then asked him where would you like to go? His answer McDonalds[the fast food resturant] lol from the mouth of babes!!

LeoLady

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #148 on: July 13, 2010, 02:16:13 AM »
Cute kids comments - 

One evening I was driving with my 4 yr old grandson in the car and he noticed the full moon.  We had a short discussion about the moon and how God made the moon and all the stars, etc.  Later that month, we were driving somewhere again, and he said, "Look, Nana!  Some of the moon is missing!"  It was about a quarter moon that night.  I asked what he thought had happened to it.  He announced, with some certainty, " I think God took a bite out of it !".

He is truly my joy and comic relief.

LeoLady

SLEEPY101

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Re: Laughter is the best medicine . . .
« Reply #149 on: July 13, 2010, 03:31:22 AM »
Thx for sharing Leolady, that was so cute