Author Topic: To Work, or Not To Work...  (Read 17044 times)

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #15 on: November 10, 2009, 10:55:25 AM »
I am still working full time and find it very difficult as well.  It is so hard to stay focused on work when you feel so tired.  I have thought about it and wondered if I would qualify for disability.  Have you looked into that?

I haven't looked into disability yet - I keep thinking I am going to hold out on that until I am to the point to where I absolutely cannot work.  Have you looked into it?  It seems sort of intimidating to me right now.  And it seems so permanent....
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
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jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #16 on: November 10, 2009, 11:00:29 AM »
Jordozmom,

Unfortunately, this is a decision that only you and your husband can make.  For myself, I left my job last December as the stress of the job, the aches and pains, etc. wasn't worth the money I was bringing home.  My husband saw an instant change in me.  He would comment "you seem so much happier" . . which I am!!   ;D  Yes, you will have to make financial sacrifices - for me, it was (and still is) well worth it.  The job I had I worked 25 hrs. a week - which was enough, I don't know how those of you who work 40 hrs. (plus) do it.

So, for myself, I am very glad I made the decision to quit.  Are the finances a little tight?  Yes.  Do I get all the aches and pains I had when working?  No.  Has my stress level been reduced?  YES, YES, YES

Good luck with your decision.

And that is where we are. If I were a CEO and making hundreds of thousands a year, it might be a different story.  But for what I am making it is not worth not only the stress of the job, but also the stress of getting in to work every day, looking professional, etc.  Before I needed the insurance, but that is no longer the case.  I am very lucky that we do not have a lot of debt and we can manage everything with my spouse's earnings, but it does mean majorly cutting back in every area.  What is funny is what I was most worried about was my son - I told him that it would mean that there would be no last minute trips to the mall or to the book store or to the toy store to blow $30 or $40 bucks and he said it would be worth it because I would feel better, and besides, he has enjoyed having me home before and after school - can you believe it?!  What a star my son is!!!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2009, 11:03:09 AM »
As already said, this is a decision that you have to make and you are very lucky to have the choice.   Maybe if you could get your health and family back the way you want, it may be worth not having the bigger house (it would just be more work anyway ::)).

Sue Ann

 

LOL!  That's right - a bigger house just means more to clean.  Great point!!!!  And thanks for the advice!!!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2009, 11:04:17 AM »
Hi   :)

I can't advise you one way or the other. We are all different. I work part time. I'd find full time quite hard although if push came to shove I could probably still do it. Part time suits me better though. I don't want to focus on my health more than I do. I want to forget about it and work helps me to do that. Work keeps me sane. I would really miss the people I work with if I had to quit.

Take care - Scottie  :)

I am liking what I am hearing about part time - can I ask, though, about how many hours a week you work?  I'm finding that part time means different things to different people...and thanks for the post!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2009, 11:07:28 AM »
I am  like you. In 2008 I had a flare that has never gone away. We had just moved and my husband quit his job to go to nursing school, so I was the only provider in our house. It seems everytime I have a lot of stress my disease progresses. I work on a computer and my eyes really bother me. After 8 hours of working, I eyes kill me. I have decided to work until I can't, and I am worried my eyes might be my downfall. Good luck.

I am so sorry to hear that about your eyes - is that from the dryness?  We sound very similar - we have had a series of stressors (his parents both fell at different times and broke their hips, my mother almost died and my father did die unexpectedly - all within a couple of years of each other) over the last couple of years and they seem to keep my flare going.  I keep thinking that when things settle down maybe it will go back into remission, but that doesn't seem to be happening.  Well thanks for the post and you take care!  Hope your eyes get to feeling better!!!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

Scottietottie

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #20 on: November 10, 2009, 11:21:04 AM »
Hi Jordozmom  :)

I work for 22 and a half hours a week, 10a.m. - 3 p.m. Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thurs and 9.30a.m. - 12 noon on a Friday. I used to work for 3 hours, two evenings a week but I dropped those hours. The doc didn't actually tell me to, but she said it was a good idea.

I work with pretty challenging teenagers and I find those hours are sufficient!!  Still very tired from having done a Monday - Friday residential with them last week. That was a push!

Take care - Scottie  :)
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Bucky

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #21 on: November 10, 2009, 01:17:47 PM »

 What is funny is what I was most worried about was my son - I told him that it would mean that there would be no last minute trips to the mall or to the book store or to the toy store to blow $30 or $40 bucks and he said it would be worth it because I would feel better, and besides, he has enjoyed having me home before and after school - can you believe it?!  What a star my son is!!!

We have an only son who will turn 14 in 5-1/2 wks.  I had to return to the work force when he started kindergarten and he is now in the eighth grade.  I have always loved being a SAHM, so I was thrilled that I got the opportunity to stay home again.  We don't have all the money my sons cousins have.  They get the latest and greatest gadgets.  Yes, I'm sure my son longs for the "stuff" everyone else has.  BUT, he is content with what he has.  From a very young age we taught him about money.  He's had a savings account since he was four that he regularly puts money into.  He's worked to earn money and knows first hand how quickly it can get spent on "wants".  IF he had a choice between all the "stuff" and having Mom home when he gets home from school or having Mom volunteer at his school . . . he would pick Mom home.   ;D  Just my own two cents here . . . . with him being our "only", I already see the time slipping by too quickly and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spending time with him.  (In fact, every Monday night we have "date night" . . . we watch Castle together!  If I get busy and forget, he comes, puts his arm around me and says "Mom, Castle's on".  ;D)  I will drop everything I'm doing to spend time with him.  You can't put a price tag on your "BEING THERE".   To me, STUFF vs. TIME . . . time wins hands down!!  Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.   ;D

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BeckyG

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #22 on: November 10, 2009, 03:08:57 PM »
This is something I have been contemplating the last year.  Though I am feeling better right now (besides the abcessed tooth but that is gone next week yeah!) I have already missed 10 days since July! I can not even believe that as all my prior jobs combined I never missed that much.  I am lucky to work in a faboulous company that understands and gives us tons of sick days a year (i currently have 20 and get another ten next year)  But even with that I feel so very guilty when I am not at work.  I am only 28 and have not even started the family route with my husband and even though we would like to I can't see being able to do that and work full time like I am currently!  I barely have energy right now some days to clean house or make dinner.  Right now the option isn't on the table as my husband is going to school to get a better job- when he is done in June I know I am going to face the decision on what I can do and what I can't do.   Part time sounds lovely and maybe I can look into that.

Good luck on your decision! Whatever you decide will hopefully make you happy!

Gail

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #23 on: November 10, 2009, 05:44:25 PM »
To work or not to work is your and your spouse  decision to make. I can tell by your message that you got a good husband that is by your side regardless of your decision and health issues. That is very good. You have a great support there!

I do not work right now. I have been out of work a little less than 6 months due to the health issues. First it was mono, than Vaccine side effects. Variety of symptoms that everybody else on this forum has. I pray, believe, and hope that I can go back to work. Maybe part time soon.

I was a hairdresser before my illness and was a very social person. After I got sick and quit my job, my social life is not there anymore. I miss working and been around people, talking and listening to others. I was very happy than.

I am more depressed now due to the illness and social isolation. My job did have high level of stress but I enjoyed it. I still have plenty of stress even staying at home from feeling sick and not been able a lot of activities. I also do not have official diagnosis yet. So, it is still stressful for me to be at home.

Financially it is a disaster for me, but I cannot do anything about it right now. I want to get a part time job, but right now I cannot do it.

I do not want to advise you anything wrong, but I would go part time for a while just to see if it makes things better before quitting. 

Best wishes,
Gail.

BonusMom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #24 on: November 10, 2009, 05:48:50 PM »
We've become a take-out society. Whether it's due to low energy, poor health or just being so busy trying to take care of our responsibilities, society is spending far too much on prepared food and at a horrific cost to our pocketbooks and our waistlines. 

I still work full-time (32 hrs a wk) and do my best to prepare dinner 5/7 nights. It's not always easy, especially since the only thing in the kitchen my DH is familiar with is the right end of the fork:). I grocery shop on the weekend, exhaustion permitting. I stock up on canned soups for my and DH's lunches. My guilt for not doing a homemade meal every single night (or letting the dishes stack up, or not keeping the house as tidy as I'd like, etc) is my problem and I've got to learn to let it go because DH has made it clear that it doesn't matter to him.

Mind you, I have worked since I was 16, through the birth/childhood/graduation from college of my three kids. I wanted to be a stay at home mommy, but my ex wanted to be certain that I was able to pay my "share" of the household expenses. Just one of the many reasons he's an ex :).
Anywho, with kids, mom's are the primary caretakers, getting them to school, soccer practice ('cause sports are cheaper than juvie), Johnny's house to just hang out and doctor's appts.  With the higher tax bracket your earnings surely put you in, the meals out, the guilt gifts because you're just too darned tired to do what your son would like you to do with/for him and your needing forgiveness, the career clothes and commute costs, one really does have to wonder if it's worth it PHYSICALLY or MONETARILY to continue the nonsense.  I can honestly say that if I were still raising my children with the health problems that I currently have (and I had a husband who was gainfully employed), I, too, would have seriously considered resigning by now because there's no way I could have done what I used to do on a daily basis.  And, although my husband is a good man, he's absolutely clueless as to what's really involved in raising three active kids and running a household.   

I am conflicted at times now because even if I seriously considered leaving my job due to health reasons, that's going to take my independence and identity away since the kids are grown. What, I wonder, would I do all day?  I know it may be a reality at some point, but it scares me-the thought of being a blob. I'm afraid I'd not have anything to focus on besides my illnesses.  As it is, I'm trying to fill that empty nest with some sort of hobby to fill my time, but I don't even have the energy to figure out what I enjoy or am capable of doing so you can well imagine the despair I'd feel if I didn't have my job any longer.

I apologize for the rambling vent and hope you don't feel like I've hijacked your thread.  I understand the considerations having to be taken in to account when making your decision, however,     I'm confident that you'll make the decision that's best for you and your family.

BTW, I'm using my Black Berry to type this so please forgive any nonsensical stuff-the BB makes is hard to re-read and edit

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #25 on: November 12, 2009, 11:56:50 AM »

 What is funny is what I was most worried about was my son - I told him that it would mean that there would be no last minute trips to the mall or to the book store or to the toy store to blow $30 or $40 bucks and he said it would be worth it because I would feel better, and besides, he has enjoyed having me home before and after school - can you believe it?!  What a star my son is!!!

We have an only son who will turn 14 in 5-1/2 wks.  I had to return to the work force when he started kindergarten and he is now in the eighth grade.  I have always loved being a SAHM, so I was thrilled that I got the opportunity to stay home again.  We don't have all the money my sons cousins have.  They get the latest and greatest gadgets.  Yes, I'm sure my son longs for the "stuff" everyone else has.  BUT, he is content with what he has.  From a very young age we taught him about money.  He's had a savings account since he was four that he regularly puts money into.  He's worked to earn money and knows first hand how quickly it can get spent on "wants".  IF he had a choice between all the "stuff" and having Mom home when he gets home from school or having Mom volunteer at his school . . . he would pick Mom home.   ;D  Just my own two cents here . . . . with him being our "only", I already see the time slipping by too quickly and I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE spending time with him.  (In fact, every Monday night we have "date night" . . . we watch Castle together!  If I get busy and forget, he comes, puts his arm around me and says "Mom, Castle's on".  ;D)  I will drop everything I'm doing to spend time with him.  You can't put a price tag on your "BEING THERE".   To me, STUFF vs. TIME . . . time wins hands down!!  Ok, I'll get off my soap box now.   ;D

Bucky

Bucky, this is exactly what I wanted (needed) to hear.  I believe my son feels the same way.  I think he would enjoy having Old Mom around more to spend time with.  He's already said he loved having me home before and after school.  And I'm really hoping that I can get him off to school in the morning and then rest and be ready for him (and the hubby, of course!) when he gets home.  Right now I walk in the door from work and I immediately crash on the couch. He's eating nothing but garbage these days because he makes his own dinner.  And he spends a lot of time in front of the TV and on the computer because I'm just too tired to do anything or take him anywhere.  I'm hoping with not working I'll be more rested to make him go get some exercise and join some teams.  Time is EXACTLY what I need. 
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
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jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #26 on: November 12, 2009, 12:00:38 PM »
This is something I have been contemplating the last year.  Though I am feeling better right now (besides the abcessed tooth but that is gone next week yeah!) I have already missed 10 days since July! I can not even believe that as all my prior jobs combined I never missed that much.  I am lucky to work in a faboulous company that understands and gives us tons of sick days a year (i currently have 20 and get another ten next year)  But even with that I feel so very guilty when I am not at work.  I am only 28 and have not even started the family route with my husband and even though we would like to I can't see being able to do that and work full time like I am currently!  I barely have energy right now some days to clean house or make dinner.  Right now the option isn't on the table as my husband is going to school to get a better job- when he is done in June I know I am going to face the decision on what I can do and what I can't do.   Part time sounds lovely and maybe I can look into that.

Good luck on your decision! Whatever you decide will hopefully make you happy!

Becky - I am so sorry about your tooth!  On top of everything else with this disease we have teeth issues!  Is it from your tooth falling apart?  I know mine do - they just crunch apart if I eat anything to hard.  Ugggh!  I am the same way about missing work.  My boss is VERY understanding and I'm very lucky to be here.  But even then I miss too much work and I feel terrible about it.  I don't like myself much as an employee, that's for sure!   I know how you feel, making dinner and cleaning house are the last on the list anymore.  I used to be total neat freak, too.  One of those people who defrosted the freezer at 10 p.m. at night just because it was driving me nuts!!!  Well, thanks for the reply and good luck with your tooth!!!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

jordozmom

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #27 on: November 12, 2009, 12:06:18 PM »
We've become a take-out society. Whether it's due to low energy, poor health or just being so busy trying to take care of our responsibilities, society is spending far too much on prepared food and at a horrific cost to our pocketbooks and our waistlines. 

I still work full-time (32 hrs a wk) and do my best to prepare dinner 5/7 nights. It's not always easy, especially since the only thing in the kitchen my DH is familiar with is the right end of the fork:). I grocery shop on the weekend, exhaustion permitting. I stock up on canned soups for my and DH's lunches. My guilt for not doing a homemade meal every single night (or letting the dishes stack up, or not keeping the house as tidy as I'd like, etc) is my problem and I've got to learn to let it go because DH has made it clear that it doesn't matter to him.

Mind you, I have worked since I was 16, through the birth/childhood/graduation from college of my three kids. I wanted to be a stay at home mommy, but my ex wanted to be certain that I was able to pay my "share" of the household expenses. Just one of the many reasons he's an ex :).
Anywho, with kids, mom's are the primary caretakers, getting them to school, soccer practice ('cause sports are cheaper than juvie), Johnny's house to just hang out and doctor's appts.  With the higher tax bracket your earnings surely put you in, the meals out, the guilt gifts because you're just too darned tired to do what your son would like you to do with/for him and your needing forgiveness, the career clothes and commute costs, one really does have to wonder if it's worth it PHYSICALLY or MONETARILY to continue the nonsense.  I can honestly say that if I were still raising my children with the health problems that I currently have (and I had a husband who was gainfully employed), I, too, would have seriously considered resigning by now because there's no way I could have done what I used to do on a daily basis.  And, although my husband is a good man, he's absolutely clueless as to what's really involved in raising three active kids and running a household.   

I am conflicted at times now because even if I seriously considered leaving my job due to health reasons, that's going to take my independence and identity away since the kids are grown. What, I wonder, would I do all day?  I know it may be a reality at some point, but it scares me-the thought of being a blob. I'm afraid I'd not have anything to focus on besides my illnesses.  As it is, I'm trying to fill that empty nest with some sort of hobby to fill my time, but I don't even have the energy to figure out what I enjoy or am capable of doing so you can well imagine the despair I'd feel if I didn't have my job any longer.

I apologize for the rambling vent and hope you don't feel like I've hijacked your thread.  I understand the considerations having to be taken in to account when making your decision, however,     I'm confident that you'll make the decision that's best for you and your family.

BTW, I'm using my Black Berry to type this so please forgive any nonsensical stuff-the BB makes is hard to re-read and edit

Our ex's sound the same!!!  Mine was that way, too, and I am very fortunate to have a very understanding and supportive spouse now.  And I tried for a while to do the dinner thing - even crock pot stuff - and it is just too exhausting.  Even the trips to the store exhaust me.  Is that awful or what!  And I LOVE your comment about "guilt gifts" - that is exactly it.  I buy my son stuff because I feel guilty that I am too exhausted to do anything with him. I figure it is the least I can do since I'm a screw up mom!!!  And my mom is in the same boat - we are all grown and gone and my dad passed away last year and even though she has sclerdoerma and pulmonary fibrosis and is 76 she still works full time because she is afraid that if she stops she'll turn into a "blob" (funny, she used the same word!).  That's partly why I think now would be a good time to quit as I still have my son's acitivities to get in on.  Thanks so much for your post and advice - I really appreciate it!  Take care Bonus Mom!!!
SJS, Raynauds, Distal Renal Tubular Acidosis, RA, peripheral neuropathy, COPD, RLS, leaky heart valve (caused by SJS), Lichen Sclerosis.
Plaquenil, Salagen, Sodium Bicarb, Klor-Con, Ambien, Methotrexate, COQ-10, VitD, Multivitamin, Omega 3, B12

dkpowell

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #28 on: November 12, 2009, 02:00:58 PM »
I work full time. I've had Sjs for at least 5 years, and it is very difficult to say the least. I've been in a horrible flare for about a year. I will get a little bit better, only to flare again. Definitely the stress of working makes things worse. My kids are grown, and my husband is very supportive - otherwise i'd never make it.
Some days I'm glad to have a place to go to and make myself get up and moving. Other days I just want to crawl under the bed and hide.
No easy answers.
We can't afford for me to quit work - even if I had disability.
I'm working until they push me out the back door in a wheelchair!!! whether I want to or not!!!
Debora

roetta

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Re: To Work, or Not To Work...
« Reply #29 on: November 12, 2009, 02:42:44 PM »
This is an issue we have discussed over and over again at our house. My husband was laid off for awhile a couple of years ago and we dug ourselves quite a hole during that time. Had to empty our savings, retirement and max out the credit cards just to survive. He's working again, but not making quite what he was before. And now we have zero retirement and the bills from the credit cards. So I went back to work full-time. And it's wearing me out!!

He says that he will support me whatever decision I make about work, but if I quit we would have to sell the house and my daughter would probably have to quit dance. And we seem to have lost any ground we made with me working, as far as paying off the bills and saving is concerned, because now we spend so much on eating out and quick food that there's nothing left for extra on the bills.

It feels like lose, lose.