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Sjogrens Topics => Living Life In Spite of Sjogren's => Topic started by: Carolina on February 09, 2019, 11:49:56 AM

Title: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on February 09, 2019, 11:49:56 AM
Dear Sjogren's Angels,

It's so exciting, and a bit scary, and certainly all kinds of stressful (the good, the bad, and the ugly).  We're moving to Woodland Terrace, in Cary NC.  I won't post a link, because it's a 'business', but you can Google it, if you'd like.

We made the decision yesterday, and already today our son came to help my husband begin the process of dismantling his marvelous workshop, and make many other decisions and plans.  It's so wonderful to have our son's support and help with this, believe me.

All I can do is make lists, and I've made a good start. We've moved many times in our 54 years, but this is the biggest downsizing we've faced.  I really should try to transfer all our old VHS tapes to DVD NOW.  I kept putting it off, but it's now or never.

Woodland Terrace is less than 2 miles from our current home.  There's a pool, in a solarium! A gym, a wonderful restaurant where you are seated at the table by staff and given a menu to choose from.   And all of the other standard services (cleaning once a week!) and amenities.

Woodland Terrace is on 23 acres, the central lake has a fountain and the main apartment building only has 80 units on three floors, so it doesn't feel crowded.   The Assisted Living and Memory Care Units are across the street, and there are also 24 cottages.

I know many of you have made a similar move and survived, so I'll be asking for advice and moral support as the next month of major changes unfolds.

Once we've made the move and cleared the house, then we'll put it on the market.  Our good neighbor is a realtor and will take good care of us.

Wish us luck.

Regards, Elaine
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on February 09, 2019, 05:21:43 PM
I'm so excited for you Caroline. At the same time it makes me tired to think about all the work. It is so much more of a challenge when we are older I learned. I was so organized with moves when I was younger and got overwhelmed with all the decisions that needed to be made. So glad you son is helping and that you are such a go getter cause you will do well with this. You will enjoy moving when yoyo have such a nice place and when you are still in your old neighborhood. It is much easier to get a house ready to sell after one has moved out. Good luck and tell your hubby that he can't do it all in one day.....men think like that don't they. Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on February 10, 2019, 06:40:37 AM
Thanks, Irish! 

And yes, John is a "get'er done" kind of guy.  But he's learning to stop and rest, at least.

Regards, Elaine
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Bucky on February 10, 2019, 08:08:55 PM
Elaine - lots of work ahead in the next few weeks for your move.  Since you will sell your house AFTER your move, that will make things easier for you.  It's also convenient that it is so close to your current home that you can pop in and get things as you need them.  It's a blessing your son is nearby to help.

As of today, I can't even imagine how daunting a task it would be to move from our current house that we have lived in for 27 years (next month).  My husband and I keep saying we need to downsize . . . that's about all we do about it.   :-\  We just need to bite the bullet and do it!

I wish you well as you get ready to move.  Pace yourselves and don't overdo it.

Best wishes,
Bucky
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carebear on February 10, 2019, 10:17:03 PM
Elaine,  this all sounds so exciting!  I just completed a similar move just under two years ago myself,  but our move was to a bungalow condo community.  Not nearly as luxurious as your future home!

The important thing for us was to keep organized.   I had a binder for the house we were selling and another for the new place.  Lists, lists, lists.  I kept track of everything.  Sounds like you are already like that.

It was a lot of work.  Some days were rough.  But it has been the best thing for us, and with staying on top of things, we were able to settle in relatively easily.

The hardest was the emotional piece.  Living in the same house for 23 years made it difficult to say goodbye.  I did not expect that I would shed so many tears.  It threw me off guard for sure.  After all, it was my idea to downsize.   You've moved a lot more that we did, so this isn't likely to happen to you, or at least not so hard.

Good moving to you and your husband,  Elaine!  A new chapter.  How fun!
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Joe S. on February 11, 2019, 03:16:35 AM
I am happy for you. There should be so many more activities that you can engage in. I hope you find new friends as soon as you settle in.
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on February 11, 2019, 06:04:39 AM
Ah, yes, Carebear, The emotional piece is something I always overlook until it blindsides me!

The move is all MY IDEA and I've lobbied so hard it.  I rather expect a 'letdown' once we're actually in the new apartment.  And I know I'll miss our current house, tho' we've only lived here 9 years.

We left our first home in Boston after 25 years.  Both our boys attended school and university all the way through in Boston before we left.  That move was sooo hard, but I wanted OUT OF THE SNOW, so our move to Northeast GEORGIA was very attractive.

We lived in GA for 12 years, and then made a 'side trip' to El Paso, where we lived for four years.  We moved to El Paso to help our son and family while he was serving in the military, and he had to go to Iraq, as well.

Now with this move we are changing from our house to Woodland Terrace, but we aren't leaving the town we live in, so that makes it easier I think.I keep my 'binders' on my computer, Carebear.  Let's hope The Cloud backs everything up well!

This week I have three medical appointments, pain specialist, physical therapy, and an injection in my cervical spine.  I keep hoping I can reduce the medical appointments...but they just keep popping up.

Must get ready for appointment number 1.

Regards, Elaine

Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on February 11, 2019, 08:52:52 PM
I have been reading the posts and running your move through my head. Yes, it is nice to be close to where you move to as you can run back ands forth as needed. I was about 2 blocks away from my house when I moved to this coop. The one thing that will be a challenge for you is keeping track of all the information. I can see your hubby and son in one room making a decision and forgetting to ask you or inform you. You will have to get a broom and keep on their tail feathers. When I did this move it seemed like it went on for a long time and that was good though as the stress was hard on me. I wasn't very productive and I knew it. We also hate to have to ask ouro kids to do a lot also. Why, I don't know. After all we changed their diapers and fed them. :D Thinking of you. Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carebear on February 11, 2019, 09:35:39 PM
I'm just too old school I suppose, Elaine.  Or maybe the truth is that my cognitive issues interfere with learning new processes.  Or MAYBE I just need to touch my paperwork!  It can be cumbersome dragging these binders around everywhere you go!

I hope your appointments today were productive.
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on February 12, 2019, 01:27:17 PM
Dear Carebear,

What kept me 'in the loop' with technology was that I was on the faculty of a college that provided classes in certification to teach with technology.   The classes were offered at the college, in 1997, so I had the opportunity to use the technology for 3 years before I retired.

Since then I've always had the best possible wi-fi at home and a good enough computer.  I never write anything on paper if I can at all avoid it.  So my move plans are all in Word and Excel folders.

And Irish, I know what I want taken to the new apartment.  EVERYTHING else left behind is out of my hands.  My son and husband can make all of those decisions, more power to them.

I will insist that what I want is moved and placed where I think it belongs.  After that, I don't really care.  I learned long ago to 'let go' of stuff, thank goodness.

My husband LOVES his stuff (strong emotional attachments to anything he's ever had).  So this is very painful for him, but there's nothing I can do about that.  And fortunately he will work with our younger son who is very practical and who doesn't have emotional attachments to the stuff John loves.

Our son is more sensitive to John's feelings than I could ever be, and yet he's very aware that most everything ' left over' will have to go, so that the house can be put on the market.

And I imagine that every day my husband is thinking about how to dispose of things.  He isn't big on talking about his plans, but I know he's making them.

Regards, Elaine









Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Nomad on February 12, 2019, 04:26:18 PM
How very exciting, Elaine! And perfect that it is only two miles away. Our move 18 months ago was four hours away and that was hard. But perhaps the most difficult part was getting new doctors!
The new place sounds lovely!
Absolutely get help when and where needed for the move . It?s very exciting, but can be draining.
Soooo happy for you! Sending loving thoughts!!!:)
As a side note, we did a garage sale and then hired someone to do an estate sale. It wasn?t much of an ?estate,? Lol. But we had a ton of stuff.
Let is know when the big day drawers near. Blessings!
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on February 12, 2019, 10:48:33 PM
You will do well Caroline because you are not emotionally attached. I am attached to a lot of things plus I always think that there are some things that I should save just in care.I am, however, getting over that as I am now getting rid of things that will make it easier when I go to assisted living. The thing that was so hard on me was being alone with not much help and I am so darned independent. My kids are all so busy and just one DIL close who will help but she works full time and then has to help my soon in there business. She burns the candle on both ends.

I have taken a whole lot of things to salvation army store plus my DIL takes a lot of younger gals under her wing at work and I send a lot of stuff with her...all kinds of things including furniture, dishes, etc. I fell better if someone can use things. Older stuff gets to go to the landfill. Thinking of you. You will so enjoy a new lease on life. Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on March 07, 2019, 09:51:03 PM
Caroline, It is March!!!!!! Is it time for your move yet. Just being nosy cause I bet you have been busy. Take care. Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on March 08, 2019, 04:30:53 PM
Dear Sjogren's Angels,

We made our first 'rent payment' and the plan is to move in next week end.

So far, my husband hasn't set up the truck and helpers!  I'm trying not to panic.

Since we paid, we are going for dinner every evening.  It is just torture for my husband.  He is so NOT social, and this is rather like being on a cruise (busy dining room, people at our table, etc).   He SO doesn't want t make this move.

Well, it's a done deal, and we just have to cope.  It's now or never,  He'll be 80 in May is is showing signs for 'forgetfulness' with dementia occurring in his mother and for sure in one older sibling, both starting around 80.

My son is sure he is 'failing' and since he doesn't live with his father, it is clearer to him when they do interact.

It makes me sad.

But, even more determined to make this move.

We've been in the apartment and I'm making plans for towel racks and hand towel racks, a cabinet above the toilet for toilet paper, etc.

On plan to put a tall cabinet next to the bathroom sink won't work, due to a light switch on the wall.  So a back up plan is in place.

Going from a huge bathroom with two enormous vanities (one each) to one tiny vanity and sink is going to be a big adjustment.  But I'm working on it.

And we can put one of those flexible shower heads in the shower, for example.  We've always had those in our house, so i will be good to have one in our apartment.

There just isn't any way to make this move really easy for him, I'm afraid.

Upwards and onwards!

Elaine
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carebear on March 08, 2019, 05:15:07 PM
Forgive me,  Elaine.   I want to write something supportive,  however I have terrible brain fog right now.

I am sorry to hear that your husband is going to have such a difficult time adjusting to your new home.  Hopefully he will connect with a few "gents" in the building.

When my dad moved into a similar type of place, he kept busy running the movie theater, bingo, and other activities.   It was very good for him although he often did overdo things.

It will be a big adjustment for both of you, and setting things up takes time too.  But you know that, Elaine.  That's why you are moving before you sell your house.  Take care of yourself during this particularly stressful time.
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on March 08, 2019, 07:52:18 PM
Men are not as social as women usually. Maybe if he pretends he is deaf people will not bother him as much. It may be that after you are settled he will not be as against it. There is a couple in the coop where I live and I have known them for 30 years. They lived on the farm and he so did not want to move but she is getting more frail and having trouble walking. He walks about 3 miles a day in the halls here. He rides bike also in summer and was riding up to 5 miles a day until the past year.

Maybe your husband will find things to do. I get so bored at times even though I am not settled...;pictures to hang, papers to sort, etc. Tooday I read a bird magazine and got to thinking that maybe I could go bird watching with binoculars when spring comes. I do get cooped up and this winter is so bad.

Never fear, your hubby will find a truck and helpers by Friday I bet. Have a good day to move and don't either one of you overdo cause it can set back all the other things that need to be done. Old is not fun is it!!!!!! Hugs. Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on March 09, 2019, 06:24:28 AM
Hi Irish,

Yes, I hope he will be OK.  He's highly introverted so he does't 'share' his thought process.  I'm highly extraverted so I think if he does't say anything he isn't 'thinking" about anything. That's not true, of course.

On the topic of "Old is not fun":

1.  People get 'old' at different times and in different ways.

2.  There is a huge bias against the old. 

Even when we get old, we are biased against other old people.

I heard my husband tell his sister on the phone: "there are so many old people" where we are going.  My husband will be 80 in May.   If 80 isn't old, what is?

3.  There IS always a point when 'old is no fun', for sure.  Since we both have a host of immune related disorders, our experience of getting old is difficult, Irish.

4.  As I meet people at our new Senior Living Community, I try to see the 'person' behind the wrinkles and grey hair. 

I've met two women who have had strokes but still have mental acuity.   People who've had strokes often speak very softly, so now I wear my hearing aids so I can pay attention to what they're saying.

Last night at dinner we sat with a lawyer, and his wife, a retired journalist and director of communications for our public television station.  The woman that sat next to me, who had had a stroke 10 years ago, is a retired school psychologist.  These are interesting people! 

But my husband just wanted to get away and go home, I could tell.   I hope he makes some friends and find some activities in our new home.  He doesn't have any friends now, but he's always been busy with the house and yard and so lack of friends hasn't been important to him.

We'll see.  This is our newest adventure in a long history of new adventures.  I'm looking forward to it, because I want to make the best of it. 

Regards, Elaine
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Bucky on March 09, 2019, 02:30:22 PM
So, the new adventure process has begun!!  I'm sure it's nice to just walk in, sit down to eat, and then leave without having to shop, cook, and cleanup after!  I'd be all in for that!!

I'm sorry to hear that this is a difficult transition for your husband.  I think my husband would be in the same boat.  My husband is more of a loner and doesn't join into conversations and interaction with others - I'm the social one and will strike up conversations at the grocery store, etc. 

When you mentioned that your husband was use to being busy with the house and yard - maybe, he could volunteer to help out in the gardens or green space that I'm sure your complex has.   Does your husband have any type of hobbies?

Wishing you both well as you finish up at your current home and make the transition to your new apartment.  Pace yourselves.

Bucky
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on March 09, 2019, 04:09:47 PM
Oh Caroline, You are so right. There are a lot of old people where I live also. My sister is in an assistive living and is also a retired nurse. She sits at lunch with one 60 year old, 2--90 year olds and one 105 year old. They are so crabby and bossy that she is going nuts some days. Life is what it is and there isn't a darned thing we can do about it.

Your table mates sound so interesting. Maybe they could visit my sister some noon. lol 8) 8) 8) Irish
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Bucky on April 05, 2019, 12:56:48 PM
On plan to put a tall cabinet next to the bathroom sink won't work, due to a light switch on the wall.  So a back up plan is in place.

Would you be able to still put the tall cabinet there but make a cut-out for the light switch??  That might work!

(Seeing that this post is almost a month old, you have probably already made other plans.)

Bucky
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on April 07, 2019, 05:52:24 AM
Dear Sjogren's Angels,

We've been moved in for three weeks, and I think I'm beginning to get things better organized.

We have all my Paris son's paintings, so we look like a museum storage area, with paintings leaning against all the walls.  But we'll take the ones we aren't planning to hang here out of their frames and roll them up and send them back to Paris.

And my husband keeps driving over to the house and bringing more of his beloved 'stuff' to our new apartment.  It's a good thing I bought four new storage cabinets!

On another subject, I am seeing that he is truly in the first stage of dementia.  This is very very sad.  No one has discussed it with him yet.  He gets very irritated with things as it is!  I had no idea this would be his future, but it explains his behavior in the past two years or so.

Fortunately our younger son (49 this year, not a baby!) is a psychiatrist, and while is has issues with his father that make him a bit less sympathetic, at least he is HERE, about 15 minutes away from us.

I really like our new Senior Living Community, and have attended several activities and am slowly getting to put names and faces together.

It is so GOOD that we made this move, because of the uncertainty of how my husband's decline will play out.  At least I'm no longer alone and 'trapped' in our old house.  And there is an assisted living facility across the parking lot, with a memory care unit attached, as well.  So I know how where to turn to, if needed!

My son is concerned that my husband is still driving, of course.  But I think we will need medical intervention to manage this issue.  My husband will deny that there is any problem, I am sure.

And so, it is, always something!

Regards,  Elaine
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: susanep on April 11, 2019, 10:03:30 PM
Dear Caroline,
I have been reading through your moving adventure, and your new living place. It sounds wonderful. I am sorry to hear of the potential issues with your dear husband. Your new living arrangement sounds like it is ideal for both of you.

susanep
Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: Carolina on April 12, 2019, 04:22:04 PM
Dearest Sjogren's Angels,

Your words mean so very much to me.

I realize that I need to find an on-line support group for families of those with dementia.  I'm am at my wits end, and it will only progress.

I saw my neurologist today, because I've developed a tremor in both hands.  He's tested to see if I have developed toxic levels of Gabapentin because I take so much.  He will try Lyrica if Gabapentin is the problem.

He also tested my ferritin level which hadn't been tested since it was 20 on a scale of 11-200, in 2012.

My ferritin level is 439! 

Well, I will stop the iron supplements for sure!  I wonder what happened?  I did start IVIG in 2013, but IVIG is usually associated with sudden onset of anemia occasionally, not the reverse.

I stumble around in the dark (medically speaking as a Zebra) with a myriad of symptoms and conditions and medications and supplements.....and many doctors.  But I guess that's life, I'm just so aware of the confusing nature of 'how things work', or don't work.

It IS always something!

Regards, Elaine





Title: Re: We're Moving to a Senior Living Community in March!
Post by: irish on April 12, 2019, 08:32:26 PM
Caroline, I am so glad that you are settling in. It does take a long time doesn't it. There are so many things going on in our lives at this age and we had no idea our lives could be like this. Glad that your organization is improving. Takes time to put things in their place after moving them after all those years!!!

I am so sorry that you hubby is having this dementia.....the worst thing for the elderly with dementia is making big live style changes. It is darn hard on those of us without dementia, too. I'm sure it is frustrating to have him bringing more things home, but I would bet he remembers more of the old stuff and it gives him a feeling of comfort. My hubby was lucky to have passed onto a better world before I made the move to town. He was the lucky one that way...However, I tell the kids the first thing I am going to say when I meet him in Heaven is that it would have helped if he had helped me sort things out.

He dragged his feet cause he didn't want to face the fact that he needed to get these tasks done. Life is just a crock sometimes isn't it. Please know I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts. Your son will know what kind of doctor your husband should see and when to approach the subject. Good luck hugs. Irish